Hi catlettuce--
great advice. I was too tired when I got home to talk about the wedding. Finally, I have found some time to report how things went. I will make a separate post below but I first wanted to thank you personally for taking the time to read my long story and give me advice. Read my post below for an update.

StepAside,
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I am glad I waited for my DH to come around but for those few years it was really difficult. I felt that his adult brat took precedence over me and it was painful. This went on for years until last year when he finally came to accept his DD for what she really was. I am glad that I stayed with him. I did know that I had the choice to leave but I didn't want to. He's a good man who got sucked into his daughters craziness. I actually now feel sadness for him. It must hurt to realize that your adult child is a complete failure and a bad person. Thank you for saying that my DH is a lucky mad. I feel as if I am a lucky woman to have him. He is loving and devoted and it is these qualities that made him so susceptible to his daughters nonsense.
StepAside; I always read your posts. You always give such great advice and I think you are super intelligent. Thank you for reading my story and I appreciate the good advice. When I was face to face with BM I actually said "hello" but I held my DH's hand and barely smiled. I had my super dark, big framed sunglasses that have rhinestones on them. My DH says I look like an italian movie star when I wear them. I held my head high and didn't react to her at all.

Hey Toywas!!!!
Always a pleasure to hear from you. Your advice made my DH laugh. I read it to him this morning. We did dance quite a bit. I had a huge smile on my face. My DH and I took dance lessons for a few years so we ripped up the dance floor by doing east coast swing, west coast swing, and the fox trot. I could feel the photographers taking our picture as we danced.
I was horrified when I read your post that your SS had treated you so poorly. I mean telling you what to wear? What a jerk! I would've been horribly offended. Good for you for ignoring his idiotic requests! I thought of you when I was getting ready. I did my hair in this nice up-do that I learned how to do on You-Tube. I did look nice. DH looked amazing and he wore this fabulous white fedora (SP?). He looked scrumptious and I could see his ex wife checking him out, She did try hard to get his attention. HAHA--it didn't work. I will elaborate in a separate post below where I sum up how the wedding went. Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. You always make me laugh and I love your attitude. Have a great day.

AWWWWW-
How sweet of you to say that. I wish I was more "saintly" but I do the best I can. I cannot tell you how badly it hurt when DH made that comment about the baby. I know its hard to believe but my DH really did say that to me. This was at the point in our relationship where his defensive behavior toward his precious princess has escalated at an exponential rate. Well, princess smoked cigarettes throughout her whole pregnancy. In fact SS told DH and I that he wouldn't be surprised if the baby was born with a cigarette in his hand. How sad. I am a smoker and I did sneak a couple cigarettes during my pregnancies so I am not trying to act like I am better than her but seriously, chain smoking during pregnancy? To me, this is a selfish act but yet again, we are talking about princess and she is as selfish as they come. She was also having sex with different partners which in my mind had put her baby at risk. I mean, what if she had contracted a sexually transmitted disease? I find this behavior to be absolutely disgusting beyond belief. Smoking and having indiscriminate sex; what a great mother.
Yes, eyes were on us and we looked good! He held my hand, danced with me and introduced me to everyone as his sons stepmother. I will write about the event below in a separate post. Thanks for your advice and your time. It feels so good to be able to come here to Steptalk and have the support of others who have been through a similar situation.

Hi OCC!
Thanks for the suggestion. I will start a new thread and tell you all what happened. A little hint; we had a fabulous time.

Wow, thanks for the recommendation. I read your response to DH this morning and he wants me to order the book ASAP. His ex-wife and his DD both are narcissist and borderlines. He has always wanted to learn more about these disorders and is looking forward to getting this book. Your description/book summary really helped us understand what the book will be about and that was super helpful of you. There are other books that people on here have recommended and I typically buy whatever is suggested reading. I am positive that we are going to enjoy the book and I am sure we will find it helpful. A big thanks to you for taking the time to read my post and offer a resource that will help both of us understand what we are dealing with. My ex-husband was also diagnosed with borderline and narcissistic personality disorder and literally, everything was my fault. At the time I was in my mid twenties and I had never dealt with anyone who was so full of insecurities that had blamed the rest of the world for the chaos that existed in his life. It is sad because at the time, he had me believing that everything was my fault. I would cry for hours, I was a nervous wreck most of the time. I had 3 small children with this man and he had turned my life upside down. Oh well, I have 3 beautiful children and none of them exhibit any of the personality traits that lead me to believe that any of them inherited their fathers disorder (thank God).
I really can relate to what you said about the "culture" of these families. In regards to SD, the "culture" was as follows: she makes a mess out of her life, she lies and cheats and manipulates. When she gets caught, daddy and mommy come running to clean the mess. Amazing. Yes, from the outside looking in, I could see the enabling and the bizarre way that she had the entire family wrapped around her finger; especially her parents but also her brother. Her other brother wants nothing to do with her craziness.

I laughed reading your story about how BM would follow you around; hilarious. You had so much power over her. Isn't it amazing how these people are so threatened when you walk away from them? It's like they want the fight to keep going. Unbelievable!!!!! It sounds like you carried yourself with class and grace. I am sure that BM must have been squirming as she followed you around to eavesdrop? Good for you!
Thanks again for responding and providing the recommendation to the book. As soon as I am done responding to everyone, I will order the book. I might order it in the electronic version so I can read it on my nook. Have a great day.

You know, I think my DH finally realizes what he and his daughter have put me through. Im so glad it's over. Ever since the royal brat has left our life, things have been better. How sad that you and your DH were not invited to the wedding. That is really sad. They couldn't have it in a neutral place but had to have it at BM's and she wouldn't let you attend? That is ludicrous and cruel. Sounds like your DH and my DH had similar situations with their adult brats. I guess its not uncommon for these crazy kids to call their parents and scream at them. I would never dream of calling my parents and treating them in this manner. This behavior is inexcusable and shouldn't be tolerated. My DH says his brat daughter owes him a HUGE apology and even then he may not forgive her for the horribly nasty things she has said to him. He finally saw the light thank God. That's sad about the granddaughter. How cruel of these brats to deny their children a relationship with their grandparents. That's selfish and horrible. Princess tried to do something similar and accused DH of not being a good grandfather; whatever. She is nuts.
Yes, when they go behind your back it is very hurtful. It made me resent them so much. He would run off to have his little relationship with princess. My therapist said that he was hiding it from me because DH knew that what he was doing was wrong and that his daughter was making a fool out of him. It makes sense. We always spend the weekend together but when princess wanted to go out on her expensive lunch dates with daddy, he would make the date and then tell me the night before because "I would get mad". Well, of course I would get mad. They make their little plans and I am in the dark unable to make plans to spend with my family as I would find out at the last minute that daddy would be gone all day. She lives an hour a way and doesn't drive so daddy would spend 2 hours on the roa, 2 hours for lunch and then additional shopping for baby food and formula and diapers. :sick:
We had a great time and thank you for sharing your experience with me.

HAHA--she "punished" us by not showing up!
Im going to do what OCC suggested and start a new thread to tell everyone what happened. We had a great time

Hi Cat--Im going to take OCC's advice and start a new thread
see you there

I agree with you about the class and manners. It really meant a lot to me to be treated like family. I will always be grateful to SS and DH for making me feel like part of the family. I've read so many horror stories on here about how step parents (even bio-parents) get mistreated and I was expecting the worst. I guess I learned that my SS's are a different caliber than SD. interesting, they have the same mom and dad and the boys are so nice and the daughter is a mess. This would be an interesting psychological study. I guess the boys modeled themselves after their father and the daughter after her mother. That's the only explanation I could come up with.

Thanks Cat. I appreciate you and your support. Yeah, I think BM did that and it occurred to me today when I was writing about how the day went. It was a lightbulb moment and I said to myself "OMG I know she did that". Especially because she seemed to have a fascination with my DH during the event. Haha. He was polite to her but had ZERO interest in paying her any unnecessary extra attention. I feel like you were rooting for me. Thanks Cat so much.
Amber