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Is it Normal?

hbomb's picture

Submitted by hbomb on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 9:51pm

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Blended Family Issues

For an 8 year old to not sleep in his bed?? In fact I am pretty sure he still sleeps with his BM. Anytime he visits us my DH does not sleep with me, he sleeps on a air mattress in SS room. The one night he did sleep in the bed with me SS came and got him at 4am and back he went.

I'm going with a big NO... This isn't normal. (I know co-sleeping is a thing... But it just seems strange). I picture he will be a teenager and still sleeping with his mom. ICK!

annecole's picture

Submitted by annecole on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 10:04pm

that does not seem normal. in fact that would really annoy me. have you talked to your DH about changing his habits?

hbomb's picture

Submitted by hbomb on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 10:09pm

I have... I say don't you think that's a little odd? And he sort of ho-hums and shrugs his shoulders. Oh well, I guess if they want to raise their child to be super dependent on people and isn't able to function alone that is their problem.
The BM also lives with her parents and has since she and my DH got a divorce 7 years ago... So obviously she can't function on her own either.

hbomb's picture

Submitted by hbomb on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 10:24pm

Yes! I knew someone was going to mention foot stomping! Smile My issue with that is, doesn't that look selfish of me? The few times I do mention things he sort of makes it out to seem that I am getting in the way of their bonding since he lives out of state (5 hours away). I think he believes that he will grow out of sleeping with his BM. Which I don't think will happen until he's a teenager. I don't think he gets disciplined enough and we tend to disagree with this. Long ago I decided not to speak up on this stuff anymore because my DH always takes it the wrong way. It has been a source of a few arguments Sad

hbomb's picture

Submitted by hbomb on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 10:51pm

Thanks Echo. He's here for a few more days and will be gone. I will try to bring it up before he comes back next month. I feel that I'm starting to get some resentment from the situation. Although, sometimes it's nice to have this big ol king size bed to myself! Smile

annecole's picture

Submitted by annecole on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 10:13pm

lol

hbomb's picture

Submitted by hbomb on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 10:42pm

So that's what I have to look forward to? Haha. I can sort of understand dad and son "two guys hanging out" and what not. But a mother sleeping with her son after age 5 is odd to me.

hbomb's picture

Submitted by hbomb on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 11:03pm

Oh my gosh ick! Can I ask if there are any common denominators? Is he sort of a home body and likes video games instead of playing sports? For some reason, I just have a feeling that kids who are more involved in activities don't act like this. I'm no therapist so I could be wrong.

memphismama's picture

Submitted by memphismama on Thu, 07/03/2014 - 5:18pm

I'm not sure if kids ever get over sleeping with their parents - my ss's are 15 and just 17 and they are definitely little mini-wives! And nothing suits them better than to be a second skin to their father. Loving your kids and being close is one thing, acting like siamese twins or triplets with them is sickening!

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 07/05/2014 - 9:47am

Plenty of parents cosleep. I don't view it as a right or wrong thing. It's a parenting choice like public school/ private school/homeschool, bottle/breast, TV in the bedrooms/no TV....What works for one family may not work for another.

I think cosleeping is only a problem when a Bio parent expects his/her child to sleep with a SP.

peacemaker's picture

Submitted by peacemaker on Fri, 07/11/2014 - 3:51pm

.

internaltwist's picture

Submitted by internaltwist on Sat, 07/12/2014 - 2:05pm

Years ago when the skids still lived with their dad, SD7 (now 12) would sleep with DW. It was fine and I didn't think much of it before I moved in. But when I did move in, I had to endure the third party or sleep on the couch two nights every other weekend. I put a stop to that real quick. SS13 (now 18) didn't sleep in his room he always slept on the other couch as well. I said these kids have rooms and they need to sleep in them, now. Thankfully DW was on board and didn't fight it one bit. Took over a year for SD to stop coming in our room every other night saying she wanted to sleep with us, but it finally worked. Looking back, I'd take those issues over the ones I have now. Smile

ncgal1980's picture

Submitted by ncgal1980 on Mon, 07/14/2014 - 10:05am

My skids (then 8, 7, and 6) all still slept in DH's room until DH and I got married, and then it was a MAJOR undertaking to get them to sleep alone in their own beds.

I was aware of this situation before we got married, and I made it abundantly clear that I wouldn't tolerate his kids sleeping in our room - whether they were on the bed or sleeping in the floor like damn dogs (which they seemed to want to do). DH, fortunately, was totally okay with that, and made them sleep alone after we were married. It did sort of reinforce the "evil stepmom" image of me, though, I think.

They looked at it like, "Well here comes ncgal, messing up our lives in yet another way."

If DH hadn't agreed to put a stop to it, we'd have had a serious problem on our hands. DH still bathes the two youngest skids, which I also think is creepy and inappropriate, but for some reason that hasn't stopped yet. They just sit in the tub and whine until he comes in to wash them. They're so infantile and helpless, it just chaps my ass.

I try to ignore it and stay out of it, but it still bugs the hell out of me to have to listen to their endless whining about having to do ANYTHING for themselves.