My mother was in town this weekend, causing me to go into "Trying Too Hard" mode, which naturally leads to tension if not outright catastrophe. In this case, TTH struck FDH when I knew we'd be going to his apartment for dinner. As it turns out, FSD3 is going through a bed wetting and I-can't-sleep phase just as FDH is going into guilty daddy mode by letting her co-sleep. Which mean there are no two damp mattresses and not a clean bed sheet in that house as FDH "ran out of quarters" to do laundry and apparently couldn't be arsed to get to the bank for more.

So, in my TTH mode that happens to have a side effect of tunnel vision, I decided the solution was simple: I'd buy him new sheets and actual waterproof mattress protectors. This in and of itself wasn't so bad, but in my tunnel vision, I put them on his bed WHILE MY MOTHER WAS THERE FOR DINNER.

Jeez, what was I thinking? Of course it embarrassed him in front of my mom. And of course he feels invaded and criticized because I WAS invading and tacitly criticizing.

But all the same -- and even in spite of my genuine apology delivered the next day -- what was his problem? NO SHEETS?! Are you serious? What was FSD3 supposed to do? Wrap herself in towels and shack up in the bathtub? What was he supposed to do? Sleep on the couch?

I feel bad. I think this bed wetting/I-can't-sleep behavior is stress-related because FSD3 knows she's going to be moving soon as BM vacates the marital home and FDH moves into it. I think daycare is no longer helping because her teachers have changed and both her parents are actively looking to get her into a different daycare, so on some level she knows there will be change there too. I know that the bed wetting will pass and that we all react to stress -- and, really, I bed wet all the way up through third grade, so who am I to judge? -- but I hate wet mattresses and I hate stinky sheets. And I hate that FDH is too... too SOMETHING to resolve the situation on his own BEFORE my mother came over when he's know about it for WEEKS and FSD3 has apparently been bed wetting for a solid week prior.

I really don't know what clouded his judgement so badly. Is it just that he didn't WANT to deal with a difficult situation or that it doesn't occur to him that it's BAD to sleep on wet things? That kids really DO like clean houses even if they happen to cause messes wherever they go?

*sigh*

And the proverbial "they" say I'm supposed to focus on MY relationship to FDH instead of HIS relationship to FSD3. But I haven't had time for "us" with my mom in town and his stressed out kid bed wetting. I want to make the relationship a priority, but my relationship gut tells me to just leave him alone and let him rebuild his confidence... Even if it means FSD3 pees right through those new sheets and he co-sleeps with her on the couch for the next 6 weeks while the move is in progress...