I know parents get defensive when other people tell them how to parent (even when it's the child's OTHER parent), but I'm starting to assert myself in situations where FDH's parenting (or the lack thereof) is cramping my style.

After the night of no sleep (see previous blogs), I told FDH I was not comfortable with FSD3 sleeping in the living room while I was over. I explained that first, it set a bad example for her future sleep patterns. Second, it freaked me out because the living room is exposed to the apartment parking lot and he keeps forgetting to close the blinds (peeping toms are apparently unheard of in his neighborhood, but still a significant concern in any neighborhood IMO). Third, it frustrated me because it was EASY to hear us having sex from the living room whereas her bedroom is at least a little farther away and has more insulation from thump-thump-pant-pant noises.

FDH did well, calmly telling me he'd "see what he could do." The first night, she threw tantrums and he let her fall asleep on the living room couch (though he made it clear to FSD3 he would not go out and sit with her) and then put her into bed. The next night, he didn't even let her do that -- and she cried for HOURS, but eventually went to bed in her own bed. Several nights afterward, I found that he was regularly insisting that she sleep in her room and only her room, though he still lets her do the living room on what I call "Disney Dad Night" (the first night he has her back after the max time she spends with her mom in a week - I pointedly do NOT come over on those nights).

But then the sex issue came up again. He said that whenever we do it when she's over, it's "selfish" and we "shouldn't be doing it." I tried to keep my temper and explain that, no, it's not selfish if we have a reasonable expectation that she's in bed. It's not like we're sitting her in front of a TV and running off to pork mid-day. Or that we start to get frisky right when she knocks on the door in the morning.

Sex to me is a very important part of an adult relationship and it shouldn't be halted or hidden for the imagined benefit of a child that OUGHT to be in BED. The door is locked - she sees nothing. *I* can be perfectly quiet mid-coitus - she only hears breathing at best. And more importantly, adults need "play time," too and I have no problem telling her so. After all, SHE gets play time in HER room that WE don't invade. Why can't Daddy and I enjoy the same? Especially when she should be in bed anyway.

I explained it to him and he nodded. And he's certainly never stopped me in the morning. And I guarantee that FSD3 has never had to wait more than 15 minutes if she interrupts an adult moment for non-emergency reasons (yes, I am THAT good). So I *hope* I got through to FDH -- but maybe I'm just planting the seeds of resentment.

How do married couples do this? Do they really just NOT have sex for 18 years until the kids are at college?!