About to divorce???????/
My DH and I have not been having much luck making our marriage work. It's always been my contention that he blames me for not being able to replace the nuclear family he lost when he got divorced the first time. He would never admit it but now he is saying that. My kids are grown so I've done the family thing.
I have pretty much disengaged from his kids and in the process disengaged alot from him also because his priorities are his kids.
His daughter that still lives iwth us 60% treated me like was invisible and he contended it was all my fault that she treated me that way even though I did nothing to her. I'm sure she's VERY happy that she managed to do alot of damage to our marriage. Kicker is she leaves for college in a couple months so she will be gone.
I am asking him to wait until she leaves for college to see how thiings go after that. I think they will be alot better with her out of the house.
I just feel like he tries to use emotional blackmail on me, blaming me for everythihng and that I don't want to do the family thing. I dont'deny him a relationship with his kids nor discourage it but I have told him that our marriage needs to be a priority in his life. He says it is but his actions and attitudes say otherwise.
My heart is breaking. I don't want to go thru another divorce but looks like this is where I am heading............
Just need some support right now from someone.
Don't count on her going away
Don't count on her going away and STAYING away when she goes to college. These helicoptered, coddled skids usually fail out and then come right back to daddykins or mommykins.
Your DH has failed YOU. His
Your DH has failed YOU.
His expectation that you can have a good relationship with SD via only a one-way street (i.e. your kindness to her) is ridiculous. You have no genetic ties to her and she is not going to automatically like you and bond with you like she does her biological parents. He doesn't seem to understand that.
He probably wants you to love her as your own; but does he ask the same of her with regard to you? No? Why not? Because he can see that it is unnatural. But he doesn't see it's unnatural flowing in the other direction too.
No, it was up to DH to actually parent his daughter and teach her that while she didn't have to like you, she did have to respect you as an adult in her life and as his chosen life partner. He failed to do that, any relationship with SD became impossible, and he is still choosing to blame you. The truth is that the buck stopped with him when it came to the disintegration of the SM/SD relationship.
Have either of you ever read "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin? It was really eye-opening for me and my SO.
Yes he and I both read
Yes he and I both read Stepmonster a while ago. His comment was that he didn't agree with alot of what was in the book.
I have tried ot get him to see that if I'm not that close to his kids that that is okay, they will be going away to college and live their own lives and he and I will be living our life. It was all for naught cuz he never got that.
Thanks so much for your support. I don't know what I would do without coming here to people who understand.
oddly enough I am on vacation
oddly enough I am on vacation this week with my daughter, son in law and GS. he was not happy that I went without him
you're right I need to just start living my life independent of him
thanks so much
Why is it your responsibility
Why is it your responsibility to keep the nuclear family together ?? This blows my mind ~ men just believe that it's the wife's duty. Hell No ~ buck up Daddio and face your responsibility
Interesting questions arise in my thought process.
Are men clueless of the feelings kids get of jealousy , and insecurity. My fiancé can't comprehend that his daughter is jealous of my kids. Really ??? He can't figure out that his kid has the capability to act inappropriate. Really ??? You have seen what she has done with your own eyes. Get out of the Nile (denial) n grab your towel. Bottom line is his kids acts inappropriate n he justifies it. RIDICULOUS !!!
I am waiting for the day ~ my fiancé says this to me. I am not responsible for the damage done to his relationship. It is his ~ his actions or lack there of.
his kids have some to do with
his kids have some to do with him but it is obvious they prefer to live with their BM even though he has 60% custody
i think he thought that when we got married that that would help him keep their attention and draw them away from their BM and of course since that isn't working out like he thought I get to be the Scapegoat
thanks for your support it means alot to have validation for how i feel
iknow what you are saying, i
iknow what you are saying, i just wish he would get it, pretty sure he never will
thanks for your thoughts and support
thanks for you advice and
thanks for you advice and support
he has really done a number on me, making me feel like everything is my fault and unfortunately the counselor we have been seeing isnt much help
I have been honest in our sessions and have shown that I an angry and am dealing with some resentments about how he has allowed his daughter to treat me but he is all calm cool and collected in our sessions like he is not angry or resentful at all which is not the case but it makes me appear like the crazy one and him the rational logical one
he still claims the way his daugther's behavior is my fault, i am convinced he will never take ownership of allowing her to treat me badly and without that I know we don't have a chance
He is not putting you first
He is not putting you first AT ALL with ANYTHING. He doesn't deserve a nice person like you!