I have SD22 who has lived with us for the past 20 months and I can hardly stand to look at her or be in the same room with her anymore. I used to feel guilty about it, but now I don't give a damn.

I think I kinda get where you’re coming from. I have 2 step kids, and for the first 1 1\2 years of my relationship with their father I had no responsibility for them really. Their GM kept them after school, Dad put them on the bus in the mornings, and other family lived nearby and volunteered to watch them on the weekends. I worked full time, and we kinda met in the middle. The SKids were strictly handled in all discipline matters by Dad alone. Well now we moved out of state (job transfer) and I'm now staying at home with the kids. I oversee everything about these kids from wake ups to making sure they get showers at night and everything in between. Dad doesn't seem to want to hear my complaints or when I tell him SD was bad in school she got a note sent home. He expects me to handle the situation. He feels I’m tattle tailing on her by telling him about it, when I’m an adult and I can handle her discipline. My SD6 is a spoiled brat even Dad admits to that. SS11 has major ADHD. I try really hard to care for them to the best I can, but honestly they are a bunch of ungrateful hooligans with no manners or social skills. I know there father wasn't around due to the military in their early lives, and I can't help to wonder what the heck their BM was doing with them all that time. I am so fed up with their antics and not listening, constant whining and bickering I just dread being around them. I guess being a Step Mom is a very thankless job. It's so hard to be nice, and I really want to like them especially the girl. Everything about her drives me nuts. I just keep reminding myself she's a little girl, and she'll grow up one day and probably be great! I pray it does, but it's very difficult. Stay positive, and know your not a lone!

I find my ss14 extremely annoying. He just is-it's not me or my personal feelings-he is truly an annoying young man much of the time. He has adhd, he is very loud, can be extremely obnoxious and attention seeking. However, with some meds and some different parenting from dh I find him LESS annoying. More bearable. Dh has had to not give into his every demand for attention (similar situation to yours in which he was making up for some real or imagined slight so he was spoiling him). My dh really learned first hand the ill effects of his nonparenting approach. He got that it just didnt work at all and my ss was proof positive of this. Now that he is giving out consequences, focusing on teaching responsibility, morals, values, etc and not caving into all demands or attention seeking ss is more bearable for me. We also have a fairly large house and I find whenever he is grating on my nerves I can simply go downstairs which I have declared a ss free zone. I let my dh handle the majority of parenting and I am just chiming in when I feel like it essentially. My ss will be 14 in about 10 days but has the maturity of a 9 year old. Seriously. My 10 year old dd is more mature than he is and this is one of those things that annoy me, but dh said as long as he isnt doing anything bad he will let him do immature things? So, that's when I just try to find my own space or do things with MY kids.

I have a DW that has 3 kids and I have 2. Hers are with us everyday except for every other weekend. My kids I have every other week. My SS9, I cannot stand him. I have no patience for him. He has extreme ADHD and ODD. Disrespects his mom and flys a flag for his father. Out of all of this, I am the main caregiver too. SO that doesn't help. Atleast the other 2 skids are great and help me with dealing with SS9. He to me is just a bad egg. I see him being in prision and in and out of jail.

So much of your post sounds like me, I had to reply.

I met my fiancee when ss8 was getting ready to turn 5. SS8 has autism, dad's parenting also CLUELESS, enough that he says he didn't 'know' that there was anything wrong with his kid. ss8 is a stimmer, which means he paces the floor back and forth, spinning toys right up in his face, making strained faces at the toys and talking to them, moaning and groaning at them, you get the picture. HOW IN THE HELL COULD ANYONE ON THIS EARTH NOT THINK SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH THAT BEHAVIOR? Anyhow, I digress........

He was also diagnosed with Motor Coordination Disorder on top of the Autism, because his skills in physical and occupational activities are so far below kids his age, they gave him an additional diagnosis! So, he struggles with daily care activities, BIGTIME. I feel evil but it annoys the living shit out of me that the kid can hardly put a pair of sneakers on his feet by himself, can't put socks on at all, i have to do it, had a hard time dressing himself, often putting clothes on backwards, assuming he can even get them on...he can't wipe his ass, either that or hes' got leakage problems because his underpants, which I have to wash are always covered in shit...but the thing that skeeves me the most is that when he drinks out of a cup or a bottle, he sticks his tongue out and licks the edge before he brings the drink up to his mouth. I am used to sharing my drinks with my kids, u know, letting them have a sip of my drink, but i had to stop doing it because if ss8 drinks out of my cup, i can't drink out of it anymore. I can't BATHE him, honestly, I don't even TOUCH him unless i'm forced. He's become obese and that too skeeves me. If you are obese, that's OK, I can touch you, but him, I dunno, a kid who's 8 that's obese just skeeves me.
When I have to put his shoes and socks on and touch his thick leg, ugh...it just skeeves me.

What's funny, like you said, is that i'm totally on top of all of ss8's school, medical and therapy needs. i make sure he goes to all his appts. I communicate with the teachers, therapists, doctors, etc. on his behalf. i don't wish him any harm or ill will. I think I just wish someone else was raising him and dealing with all his issues, not me. I guess I wish fiancee had either come with NO kids or a "normal" kid....I hate that I even have those thoughts, it's so wrong, but it's how I feel sometimes.

BM is a drug addict, she's not even involved and couldn't even take care of him if she had to. Fiancee never had a paternity test, and members of his family have mentioned to me on more than one occcasion that when the kid was born they asked, in fact URGED fiancee to have a paternity test, which of course, again, DENIAL, he never did. so, I don't even think this kid is his. don't look a thing like him, no traits of his, nothing. They are both WHITE, that's all they have in common, no shit....

I think those of us here who are stepparents resent our stepkids mostly because of our significant other and their denials and lack of parenting skills towards their own kids. I think had I met fiancee and ss8 already had a diagnosis and was already in treatment for his autism/motor disorder I would have felt a lot differently towards him.

Yes, I hate to admit it, but my FDH is the CP of SS and I do resent having him around all the time. He can be a sweet kid when he wants to, but even my FDH admits he is spoiled rotten because of parenting choices he has made. He is so entitled it isn't funny, and he demands constant attention from adults. It is like he can't survive if you aren't 100% focused on him all the time. I resent not being able to do things at the house with my BS with out him sticking his face in the middle of it. I do try to do activities with SS, and include him, but there are times I want one on one time with BS. I am not an overly affectionate person, either, and SS is constantly asking for hugs and kisses. This may sound strange, but I just am not a very physically affectionate person, and him demanding these things from me makes me want to hug him even less. I am the "mom" now too, dropping him off and picking him up from daycare, cooking for him, doing his laundry, making his lunches for daycare, etc and it is such a thankless task. I have to hear him whine that he wants daddy to take hime to school and pick him up, he is always tellin ghis dad that I don't send the right food for lunch, you name it. I understand how you feel, it makes me want to scream

I am in a similar situation. I believe when a woman has been pushed to the end of her rope, she is just done...and nothing can be done to slide her back to the other end of her rope. I am there. My DH also had some issues when SD was young. Her mom abandoned her and we have her all the time. She has RAD and is hell to live with, DH made it worse by giving her whatever she wanted. I am very resentful. I demanded the child leave because I feared for my kids and all of our options are now gone. I have no choice but to leave my husband or let her stay with us.

So now, every tiny little thing throws me over the edge. She was a disrespectful brat Sunday, so Monday I was resentful she was sitting in my room playing on the computer. Monday, she "accidentally" bought something she wanted on ebay, so today I am resentful DH didn't take ebay rights away from her. No matter what she does, I am resentful. DH is trying, but he isn't perfect and he rarely handles things in a manner to prevent the same thing from happening again. I feel like an evil bitch, but if I am not, I will be walked all over like a doormat. I don't like being like this, but I can't just be "okay" with her being a brat and DH letting her get away with it. I want the child out of my life completely. If she can learn to respect me and be grateful for what I have done for her, then I would like a relationship with her. But that will never happen.

"So now, every tiny little thing throws me over the edge"

Yes, this. All these huge wrongs go un-righted and then eventually every little thing sets us off. Also, my brain knows that SO and BM are the real problem, or at least caused SD to be the way she is, but still...it makes it so that everything down to the way she chews her food is beyond annoying. And, yes, it also makes me resent her very presence- that everything we do (or don't get to do) somehow relates back to her.

Having a child who isn't yours in your home and who has no respect for you is a situation where it's next to impossible not to grow resentful.

In my case, SD15 came to live with us full time very suddenly and it was less than ideal situation. We had a 2 bedroom condo and there simply wasn't room. I'll admit, everyone was getting on each other's nerves. My SD has a lot of psychological problems and would drive anyone crazy to have to deal with her every day and all of her crying fits and overreactions to everything.

There's no consideration of how big of an impact these situations are on the SP and the other kids in the house. My SD had no consideration of how my life had been upended by her moving in and how big of an impact it was on my son. Everything was about her. I didn't want her living with us and all of it was just thrown at us all of a sudden when her grandmother died.

It's inevitable to end up resentful when there's no regard for your feelings and you feel like a doormat.

Ditto for my ss24. He is no longer in the home (per my request) but I hated it when he was there. I hated going home from work, even. He had bad anger issues (pulled a knife on my daughter, played with DH's loaded shotguns (showing off for the neighbor boys). It was always something or other with this moron. I'm glad he's gone.

I have the exact same problem. My SD8 really is a good kid, I know it could be worse, but everything she does just pisses me off. She acts so stupid and clueless all the time. It really drives me and DH insane. My newborn is easier to take care of than she is. My DH has had full custody of her since she was 4 but for the past 9 months DM hasn't exercised visitation and I have grown extremely resentful that I no longer have my every other weekends without her. I do just about everything for her and my DH does thank me a lot for taking such good care of her but the fact that she puts her piece of shit mother up on a pedestal just erks me to no end. I get it, she's her mom, she love's her but it pisses me off how the bitch doens't have to do anything other than pay child support- that's not a mother. Anyways, your not alone. Hang in there.

Oh how i do feel you. I feel as if i know you, that you are me lol. I have had my step son in my life since he was 5 and he will be turning 10 in October. I was the one to teach him to brush his teeth, throw his dirty clothes in the hamper, put away his clean clothes, change his underwear at least a few times a week. I have helped with his homework, i was even the one who told my partner that his son has ADHD, that's why he has such difficulty with him homework. We have 50/50 custody of his son. His mother unfortunately would rather treat her son as a friend, rather than discipline him or teach him things he will need to know in life in the future.
I feel that i have postpartum depression from having my first daughter because not long after she was born everything that the step son did annoyed the heck out of me. Everything he does just irritates me. It's gotten to the point where i no longer can watch him by myself because i feel like i will strangle him if he does something that i have told him time and time again NOT to do. Both of his parents, my partner and his mother, feel like putting him in front of the TV all day or playing video games all day is a good baby sitter for him. When i think that is the worst thing you can do to your child is ignore them all day. My partner works a lot, he only has Sundays off. That's when i usually leave the house with my daughter who is 17 months right now (I'm about to deliver my other daughter June 24th). I can not sit at home on Sundays and watch my partner ignore his son all day, or tell him to go outside and play with the neighborhood kids. I have told him that he needs to spend time with his son more because his son acts out for attention or plays stupid. A lot of the time he does nothing with his son, when i have told him time and again to take him to the park or go to the beach, take him to laser tag or miniature golf, something in order to spend time with his son. Sometimes he will play video games with him and i just can't stand that, i don't think that is good enough and i feel that its better if they get out of the house. Plus he has him play violent video games and i don't feel that they are appropriate for a 9 year old to comprehend and realize the difference between real life and make believe. When i tell my step son to go to sleep at night (his father is already sleeping), i will go in his room later on and find my step son asleep but with the TV on.
My step son doesn't do well by himself. I could have the TV off and he will be sitting there staring at the walls until i turn the TV on. I have told him in the past to find something else to do with his time, play a board game, color, draw and he acts like its a chore to do those things and still he would rather sit in the recliner and stare at the walls. I don't know what else to do in order to help him, i have tried being nice to him and he uses that and tries to take advantage of me, he'll use my kindness for weakness. My mother thinks of him as a grandson and she is nice to him and he tries to do the same thing with her. I tell her to not let him walk all over her. She does put her foot down when he is playing with my 17 month old daughter and if he is too rough with her my mother will say something to him to correct him.
I feel sorry for my step son because his parents just ignore him and don't give him the attention he needs or wants, or even teach him simple things. I will be going to my doctor once my other daughter is born to see if i need some kind of antidepressants to help with my horomones and where i am calmer with my step son. I want to have a better relationship with my step son but it's difficult to do that when i hear my partner telling me to leave him alone and i see my step son's mother texting my partner and calling me a bitch because i was trying to correct him while he is staying in my home.

I bet there aren't too many here with FORTY YEAR OLD stepsons living in the home.

Long story about why he lives with us that I won't get into here, but SS40 is fairly lazy, and is a terrible slob. He's made an absolute garbage dump of the rooms he lives in downstairs.

He was too lazy to clear the snow and ice off his walkway this winter, so he fell and shattered his ankle. Now dh and I have to take care of his every need (including cleaning up after he uses the bedside commode-dh takes care of this because I couldn't handle it) because he's had two surgeries on the leg, and isn't allowed to walk on it yet. (He weighs over 450 pounds, so the first surgery didn't hold.)

This is our third month of waiting on him hand and foot, and we have several months to go.

The last straw for me was finding out last week that SS40 has NO money left, not even enough to buy his own groceries while he's laid up (because he's terrible with money, and wastes a lot of it), so now dh and I are going to have to buy his groceries so he doesn't starve. It wouldn't be so bad if we had plenty of money, but we don't. Dh is retired, and we live on a fixed income. There is no room in our budget to support a 40 year old man that SHOULD HAVE set aside a little something for emergencies.

We don't even know if he'll have a job to return to once he's back on his feet.

I used to like him, but after all this, I've had it. I want him GONE as soon as possible. It's time for him to get his own place. He's blown it here, at least in my opinion.

This is causing dh and I to argue just about every day now because I want SS40 to move out (obviously, once he gets back on his feet) and dh thinks he won't be "able to afford it", to which I say, tough. He needs to grow up and be a man. He doesn't need to live in daddy's basement for the rest of his life.

I have so much resentment about this whole situation right now that I don't want to have anything to do with SS40, but I end up cooking for him, doing laundry, bringing some of his meals down to him when his father has to go somewhere.

If this had been a random accident, I wouldn't have been angry, and I would have served him cheerfully, but because all of this was due to his own laziness and lack of planning,especially the financial part, there is no joy in serving. There is only deep resentment.

Read these boards daily and you will NEVER feel alone. I have no connection to my dh's sons and, although his DGS6 is a good little boy, I always feel resentful when he stays with us one weekend out of every month. (SS31 and the mother are divorced and he lives in another state, so we are built in babysitters for the ex when she has to work one weekend out of the month). I could see dh's GS6 a couple times a year and be fine, but dh adores his grandson, so I have to just deal with it.

As for adult children living in the basement turning it into a pigsty - been there, done that...and with only a 21 year old. What the heck happened to YOUR dh's son? A little too much enabling on daddy's part? I couldn't stand it. I'd be giving my dh an ultimatum at that point. Heck...I practically did last year with one much younger! I feel for you...

I live FULLTIME w/SD17 and SS13. I'm to the point where I can't stand to even look at them either. I think this is normal especially when you have to see them treat you and your DH with no respect and major attitude. Doesn't help that DH does nothing about it. DH and I fight about nothing other than his bratty ass kids. now the SS has been caught w/pot, pills, and just got charged w/shoplifting the other day. Poor baby's punishment was grounded for 3 DAYS! I won't even be in the same room w/him anymore.

OMG thought I would Never find anyone that feels like me I thought I was the only person and the world and felt so bad like a real horrible person. I have had my SS since he was 1 now his 4 and it feels like he just gets worse as the days go by. My husband and I have him 50/50 and when his here he drives me freaking crazy and piss me of ever second. He cries for ever reason and he is a real spoil brat . I never thought anyone could get to me so bad. I don't even want to see him. As selfish as they may sound I wish he could just stay with his bio mom permanently. His dad let's him act however he wants and I think it's because we don't have have him full time and he feels bad.he let's him get away with any and everything and I think that's crazy. I have a daughter too and she's 7 and I don't like her act like anyway she wants too. Just to make sure I wasn't crazy I had my ss uncle's come visit us and watch how he acts and everyone agrees with me and my husband says nothing. Like when his dad is not here he listen but when his dad is here no one has any luck of telling this kid what to do and for him to listen. Last night was the first time where he was so annoying and outta control I walked away and went to bed my chest felt like it wanted to explode. My husband's came 10 minutes later and ask what was wrong. I told him nothing. He said he knows something is wrong and won't speak to him.but I have told him how I felt in the past about my SS he didn't look to happy but he understands but still stirs an agreement. I love my husband and don't want to lose my husband over my SS but I don't know what to do? I can't stead my SS he annoy the shit Outta me I don't want to be in the same room with him I really try to pretend his not here but it's hard to do that when ever second his trying to fight someone. Btw he killed my little puppy mimi and can't explain how she had a broken leg and head truma. I really don't like him I wish he never was here . Please don't judge me.

of COURSE people feel the same! I know that I always felt guilty when I would feel negative feelings towards my ss.I didn't realize that feelings are natural and we cant help how we feel! I also felt the woman guilt, like how come I feel this way? but now Im used to being annoyed and irritated by my 17 year old spoiled ss who has no respect whatsoever and only is nice when he wants something lol! I actually feel bad that you have to deal with yours full time and have these feelings also. I know for me it helps to think about how he grew up and how he has been raised has shaped who he is. it also helps to just LET GO. talk about it, and just find your alone time to center yourself!

Reading these comments made me feel so much better about how I'm feeling... Didn't know being a step mom
Had so many surprises. Don't like my ss's wish they weren't in the pic. He acts so stupid like he has no clue. Also I know he Is much more sneaking.i wonder if it's bcus I don't want the responsibility? :jawdrop:

So nice to read these stories and hear that I'm not alone. I have a SD10 and SS7 and the SD is sooooo loyal to her BD that she won't hardly acknowledge me. It's hard to address because I feel like a tattletail and it usually causes drama if I bring it up. All she wants is her mom and wants me gone. It's soooo friggen hard sometimes, makes me want run away. I just go outside and mow grass or watch TV in another room. Sometimes she'll "break" and open up and be nice and sweet but 80% of the time she looks at me as an outsider and the reason BM and BD aren't together. Makes for a lot of tense evenings with my wife which sucks

Yep... ss17 comes into the room, I go out. I eat breakfast and lunch at a different time to avoid being around him etc. He just annoys me and will be almost 20 before he even finishes high school... DH and I are hoping to persuade him to apply for the navy within the sector he is following at school. That should get him out of the house and more chance of him living independently. If he just gets a job in a local firm we could've stuck with him for years.

I've been struggling with the same feelings of resentment. SS 7 years old lives with us 50/50 and before my DH and I had our bioson I worked full time. Which meant that I only saw SS four nights a week. (I worked weekends so I didn't see him two full days). Now that I'm on maternity leave not only do I have to spend seven days with him, I became his chauffeur. This was not our agreement when we first met DH always said he would look after SS. I just find SS more and more irritating everyday. having to cook food for everyone only for him to praise his dads cooking. Leaves a trail of toys everywhere and keep stepping on my biosons playmat. Feel like I'm doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and since I've been staying home DH has done less housework than he's ever done. Dishes always piling in sink. Cups everywhere. Part of the resentment also comes from the fact that DH pays child support. It's so unfair that his ex gets to work less and get more money even though she's remarried and it's 50/50 share time. I feel like every cent spent on SS is taking away from my bioson. Last month I ran out of money to pay bills yet DH expected me to fork out my share of rent for the month and I pay the bulk of food shopping and everything to do with my bioson nappies, wipes, clothes, bottles, pumps, toys, health insurance which adds up. DH's ex just went for another holiday. They have money to spend on themselves and we're struggling. Then we have arguments about my feelings towards SS. I'm not one who is able to fake like someone so when I'm irritated it shows. These days by the weekend I barely can look SS in the eye. If he talks and asks silly questions or talk about avengers or dc comics I just have nothing to say. The only times we semi-enjoy doing something together is if we play board games but then he'd throw a tantrum if he's losing the game and starts crying. He's not a bad kid but I don't have the patience for him as I do my bioson. The difference in feeling is just staggering. I'm just hoping that when I go back to work it will help simply because I see him less again. Not too sure if these feelings will truly go away. The other thing is DH always make sure SS has a good time on his weekends with playmate visits or swimming or going to festivals or birthday parties but on our week he ends up doing yard work, exercise or studying. Rarely organising anything for us. It helps to see that I'm not alone. I'm trying to make changes like making DH do fun things on our weekend as well and I've started to tell SS off for wasting milk and leaving a mess. Part of the resentment build up was because I felt that I could not be the disciplinarian. Being powerless is the worse feeling in the world. I felt that if I don't change the way things are I will be resentful for the next twenty years and that's not a good way to live is it? To all the steps out there, I'm with you. No one else understands unless they live with it day in day out. Don't let them make you feel like the bad guy, you're trying your best and trying to stay sane.

Always, it is impossible not to. The whole stepmother/stepfamily thing just makes me feel incredibly down. I am struggling.

My skids are older and spent the first few years trying to break up our marriage by driving me away. This was admitted in front of dh by the skids and he is still in denial. I am 100% disengaged. However I just don't think I can sustain this relationship while knowing dh will never protect me from the skid. The rest of my life is a long time

I don't know how some of you hold your tongues with your DH. I can't keep the feelings bottled up inside, I tell him exactly how I feel and how them living here 24/7 365 a year is not what I thought my life would be. I found it difficult enough having them every other weekend and half of school holidays. Now they are here ALWAYS.

As I explained to DH- he has the natural love reserves to put up with them as they are his children. I simply don't have that. It is like 2 kids from my neighbourhood moved without notice in and I'm meant to just love them unconditionally. Sorry but it doesn't work like that. I also feel guilty as I do love SS17 but I don't feel love for SD15. She is socially awkward and the way she interacts is somewhat stunted so it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Rastabear- I totally understand how you feel about your SS. It is like having a strange interloper in your house and I think your feelings are totally normal especially if paternity is questioned. SD15 looks exactly like BM, I mean exactly. Sometimes I struggle to even look at her as it is just like having a younger mini BM in the house.

Rastabear- DH is 14 years older than me and is also a pretty tolerant and understanding person in general. We live in Australia but my background is Irish so in general I am a 'say your piece' sort of cat. I have a very direct personality anyway in every day life so I just hit my DH straight with how I am feeling. If I didn't I would probably go up in flames.

Don't get me wrong, DH does get upset but he sees the shortcomings in his own children and wants to address them. Even with a highly evolved and supportive DH,the whole stepfamily thingo is turbo charged difficult.

The whole reason I found this site is because I googled something to the tune of "can't stand my stepson"...

It's more his lack of parenting from his own parents that is the root cause, I'm fully aware of it. He is innocent but that doesn't make me like him any more. SS15 is on the spectrum and has a language disorder. So he doesn't talk very well and he's just odd. Lets just face it...they are odd children.

I don't find the oddities endearing at. all. I find him annoying, frustrating and, despite having "high functioning" autism, he needs constant reminders and care like that of a toddler.

My DH is a wonderful husband but he is 61 years old. SS15 was a total surprise baby and DH is tired. He expected to be an empty nester but he's still a dad and he sucks at it. He doesn't have the energy or drive to do it. The guilt and Disney runs strong in his veins and it's not helping SS at all. Nor does it help my distain for him.

BM2 is completely absent, save for 5 minutes every Sunday that she talks to him. So, yeah, can't flipping stand the kid and he's special needs to boot. On top of parents who don't effectively parent.

*eyetwitch*

wow

I have raised three skids. I say raised because BM was the every other weekend parent....that is when she decided to take them. Such a thankless job!

Our of the three I helped raise only one of them is true to my heart. The other two, ugh.... I just want to lock myself in my room when I hear them home.

I get annoyed when my SD has to spend the weekend with us, I can't even imagine having her fulltime. I would have to heavily contemplate divorce if that was even an option. Sorry you have to deal with that all the time.

I realize this thread is a few years old and might not be relevant to some of you anymore! But want to say I know how you feel. I don't know how some of you look after the skids full time. I have my step son every second week - as bad as it sounds, I feel like I just don't enjoy him or his personality. He is loud, obnoxious and never cleans up after himself. He's 11 years old but still more difficult to deal with then my toddler - constantly doing stuff he knows he should not be doing and hates it when the attention is not on him ( he is used to constant attention because he is an only child at BM and our house before my bio son came along.) He gives me attitude every time I try to be interested in his life and ask him how his day at school went. I feel like he is at the age now where he should know better and have 100% disengaged from him as I have tried so hard with him over the last 6 years but he continues to be a constant drain on our lives and our marriage. I have seriously tried everything from the kind approach to the stricter approach and nothing works. As I have said before, my toddler is better behaved than he is!!! I have just come to the conclusion that i don't like the person that he is at the moment and can only hope he'll grow up to be more tolerable. I hope the situation with you guys has gotten a little better 

I'm amazed at how many truly selfless people are on this board. I don't know how you do it. I rarely see skids - DH has 4 - first 2 are grown, third is in college and youngest is 14 (I have 3 kids ages 15-20). In the beginning I was very excited to have stepkids, but it has turned out to be nothing, and for that I am now grateful. SS14 has improved from the little freak who would refuse to get out of the car when coming to our house, but I know that if he were to live with us I would find it intolerable. Though I'd have no choice, as I love my DH and would feel bad as he's such a great stepdad to my kids. SS lives about 45 minutes away, and DH takes him to dinner every Wednesday and then his every other weekend is generally spending the day taking him to lunch and a movie or something like that. So I literally see the skids only holidays or vacations (which generally go very well). They are not bad, but I know that many things would annoy the hell out of me if I saw them more. So when I read about you OP's who are helping raise someone else's kids I am truly astounded. I could never do it.