fiance shows huge difference between his own kids!
I have been dating my fiance for almost two years and for the most part things are wonderful. He is a wonderful man, he does sweet things for me, my family, and my children. He has a BD16 and BS11 (two different BM). I love BD and she has a good mom (raised with manners, is sweet, loving, helpful, etc) and then there is the BS who is a spoiled brat (his mom is irresponsible, lazy, etc). The problem is fiance totally babies his son, makes excuses for him, and feels guilty telling him no- EVER. I know from talking to him he loves his daughter equally (and he will tell you she is the better child), but he doesn't do this with her. His BD16 has talked to me many times and tells me how it hurts her and how sometimes she makes excuses not to come over because her 1/2 brother is such a brat (she loves him, he just demands and gets 100% of the attendtion). I can't figure out if its because he feels guilty that his son has a crappy mom or if he still sees him (almost 12) as a "baby" or what the deal is and why he does this. I have tried talking to him many times and telling him how upset his daughter feels but he blows me off. I tell him how rude and disrespectful his son is to me (and to him) and he says he is just joking (he thinks he is just trying to act like a grown up and be sarcastic, etc. i say he is just a spoiled brat and doesn't listen). i have already postponed the wedding indefinately because i can't see blending my children BS16 &18) with his son. There is no way we could run a house with two seperate parenting styles and him allowing his son to do whatever he wants. Right now my fiance has him 50/50 but anytime his son wants to come over to play with his friends down the road, he lets him (even if we have plans... he tells daughter no when we have plans but he says he feels bad b/c son doesn't have anyone to play with). if son gets mad at him, he calls his mom to come get him and he just lets him leave (and vice versa so if either would try to punish him, they just let him go to the other house and voila! no punishment). If his son has a lot of friends over while dad at wk (despite babysitters protest), and they trash the house or pool, son blames it on friends and dad always believes him even though he knows his son lies a lot. son still goes and crawls in his lap and just demands 100% of his attention. i can't really blame son (he can be sweet at times) but he is a turd because his dad allows it. What i don't get is why he will push me or daughter aside for son and why he allows son to run his life. Like i said, I know if I marry him it will just get worse so I have postponed wedding but does anyone have any advice on how to open dads eyes to show he is creating a monster (his own parents and brother complain about the kid but everyone is afraid to be honest). He was a much better parent to his daughter; i am just trying to figure out why he is so afraid to tell son no and set boundries. any advice???
You sit your children down
You sit your children down and explain to them in age appropriate language that parents differ on how to raise children. Since you want them to grow up to be successful adults the rules for them may seem harsher or less fun but they have to trust their mother to do what is best for them. Tell them they're are lucky to have a parent who isn't lazy and will tell them they're doing wrong and spend the time to show them how to do it right.
Then you completely ignore his kids and his discipline. You do not discipline his kids or comment to them unless respectfully spoken to. If your relationship with his daughter is normal then continue as you were but just ignore the boy.
leave if it hurts u right now
leave if it hurts u right now w a child who is not ur own imagine if h have a kid w him one day, you will feel a thousand times more pain
There's really nothing you
There's really nothing you can do. You've tried, he doesn't want to hear you. (He might - might - listen to his parents or sibling if you can talk them into being honest. But even that is doubtful.)
I have no idea why he's buried his head in the sand on this. But about the only thing you can do at this point is totally ignore his parenting - leave him to and and don't YOU do anything for him! Then wait until the boy is out of the house before getting married.
You are not wrong it will get
You are not wrong it will get worse. The father is like that because of guilt, it needs to change because his not helping his son out. This is what I would do, next time his son acts like that, take the daughter out and go and do something fun together just you and her. My stepson can be awful at times and I don't want my kid subject to it and that's what i'll be doing.
It's taken me years to coach my fiancée to get him to see what his son does and his still learning and it drives me nuts! If you want to leave this situation you can, you don't have to put up with it. The thing is your going to be stuck because the dad isn't do what he should be, if you try to do things, you'll end up being the scape goat.
You're right. I am just
You're right. I am just trying to figure out if I should hang around and hope he learns (I do just leave when it gets bad and it has improved slightly) or if I should just leave. After reading so any post and realizing it will never get better, part of me wants to just bail. The other part of me realizes almost any relationship I get into will be like this (I dated several men before and it seems like they all had "bad" kid and most acted like the fun parent and no discipline). I love my fiancé and he's a wonderful man.... Just trying to figure out how much of it is worth it in the long run.