Red flag from the past??
Forums:
Is this normal to help our kids... To skip a house payment to pay for your kids car to get repaired?? I just learned of this recently & it happened before I met my bf, but damn!!! That's f-d up priorities in my book!! No wonder I'm on the fence about marrying him & no wonder his dd is so damn entitled!
It's extreme guilt over the
It's extreme guilt over the divorce and he won't change. His Princess will take priority over you and any of your children regardless of who their father is and causing your hate to build until you leave.
If regardless of this fair warning you do marry this guy don't have children with him because you don't want to add more children to the divorced parents roster.
Hi Orange and yes guilt over
Hi Orange and yes guilt over the divorce 25 freakin years ago, plus a falling out my BF had w/his DD a couple yrs ago, where she punished him by not speaking to him for 3 months. We will not be having children together BTW.
That's crazy! Think long and
That's crazy! Think long and hard about this, muscle mama. This could be your future!
Thanks fightincrazytrain -
Thanks fightincrazytrain - our money is currently united but my tax return and CS goes into another account only in my name. If I learned anything from my divorce, it was to have my own $ in an emergency. I will not combine that money with my BF under any circumstances. I think my BF is overall financially responsible (now), but I am taking over the finances, so I will control what's going on a little better. I was under extreme stress all last year & didn't want to deal w/it to be honest.
There will be no skipping house payments for his DD's bills while I have control - that much I guarantee.
Think twice about marrying
Think twice about marrying him!
I know that's right imaSmom
I know that's right imaSmom - Money was THE MAIN reason for my divorce - number 2 reason was he was just a verbally abusive ass.
Yes beaccountable - I agree!
Yes beaccountable - I agree! Old enough to have a car - old enough for a JOB. At the time his DD was going to college on a scholarship - and this was a cute little sports car - I told him he coulda bought her a $500 car instead of paying thousands to fix it!! (the look on his face was of disgust at that suggestion - she can't POSSIBLY drive a POS car!!)
I've concluded to stay on the
I've concluded to stay on the fence with a watchful eye! And continue to keep some of my money separate! I already know I would want pre-marital counseling before we get married.
I have my own account with my
I have my own account with my tax return & CS - am not combining that with my BF's account, so I'm set there. BTW I LOVE the name "FU Money"... that's awesome!!
I'm sure you know this is a
I'm sure you know this is a symptom of a larger issue. Actually, two: guilty and entitled. If you marry him, you will need to have firm control over finances and agreement on budget (I learned the hard way), and boundaries in place for the DD.
Watch for other signs of entitlement and mini-wife syndrome from the DD, and see how your BF reacts. Is he open to discussion with you, or does he make excuses? Are your feelings considered, or are you supposed to "be the bigger person" or just "get over it." There are enough stories here--spend some time reading to get an idea of what it is you are getting in to.
You are smart to acknowledge the red flags!
Hi Merry, You make some great
Hi Merry,
You make some great points. I think it's best if I do take over finances, & my BF doesn't seem to have a problem w/that anyway. Luckily, we do not see his DD that often as she lives with POS baby daddy. But when she lived w/us it was a nightmare for me; the little games she would play yet just clever enough not to be blatant about it. (And, oddly enough, acted like my daughter didn't exist - as if she did anything wrong) But yes, I got a lot of "she's just young", and "you're reading too much into it", "she doesn't mean any harm" "you hate my daughter!", etc, all that BS. Just sitting back & observing at this point.