I am actually trying to gather all my thoughts, feelings, words, rebuttles, etc before I break it off. I think my head will be clear by Monday.

I am still very much in love with him, but my needs aren't being met whatsoever. He says he loves me, but I feel like I'm #5 on his priority list. I have done sooo much for him and his kids in the short time that we've been dating because I"m soo in love. I haven't gotten anything in return. Nothing but drama and heartache. I have stuck it out so long because I kept thinking that things WILL change. I figured that he has been burnt by his ex so badly, but will come around once he realizes how great I am. Wrong. I cook for him, listen to him vent, send random cards and handwritten notes, occasional "I love u emails" when I know he is having a bad day at work, several gifts for his kids and him, but most importantly, I bring to the table NO drama and no emotional baggage from past relationships. I have my shyt together emotionally and financially and I believe I have a lot to offer.

So why does he treat me like crap?
And why has it taken me several months to finally see the light?

- He cancels plans at the LAST minute because the BM asked him to watch the kids another day. And I mean LAST minute - I'm usually already dressed for our planned evening out and have one foot out the door when he calls me to cancel. He always apologizes like crazy and smothers me with "I love you," afterwards. And because I'm a sucker for "I love you", I've never bitched to him about how cancelling for HER makes me feel. I just go with the flow, hoping that someday, things will change.

-He hasn't bought me anything, not even a card. He claims he is broke from child support... and says that he was burnt by BM and ex girlfriend, and because of them,he promised himself that he would never buy any girl gifts unless he is practically engaged.

-He and BM talk on the phone a lot. She even tells him her personnal problems with her relationship, her parents, work woes, etc. And I remember one time she announced that she needed to talk to him in person about something, so when she picked up the kids, he invited her inside. Ugghhhh!!! Her big calamity was, she was going to break up with her boyfriend and will need my boyfriend to watch the kids the week that she planned on doing it and pick up some days thereafter. Why? Because she didn't want to kids to be home and hear all the shit that was going to hit the ceiling during the breakup. And since her bf, aka, babysitter wasn't going to be around to babysit, she needed my boyfriend to watch the kids more so she could concentrate on her studies. WTF ever. The broke up for a month, tops, before she took him back.

^But nonetheless, why did she need to talk to my man in person? And why does she give him her personal problems?

And why does she think it's OK to tell him things about her relationship - she divorced my bf because she was having an affair with the man she is still with. Who in their right mind would do these things?

And why does my bf allow her to call all the shots?

And why does my bf stick up for her when I make a commment, such as, "It's alll about her". I mean, the lady wants my bf to move out of state next year because SHE wants to move closer to her parents. And he's considering it reluctantly! She wants to be closer to her ailing parents, to hell with anybody else.

Why do they call eachother with updates when the other one has the kids. They call eachother 2-3 times per day.

And why has my bf had a sudden change of heart for her and her SO. He used to act as though he hated them. But now, he is striving for this deep relationship with them. I mean geesh, her boyfriend now helps my boyfriend with home repairs. WTF. I wonder if my boyfriend is trying to prove something to her?

Anyway, just wanted to vent a little. I can't believe I've been so blind and so freaking stupid to miss allll these red flags. I should have checked out after the first month. I wonder how he is going to react to the breakup. And the things I want to calmly say to him will probably tick him off because OMG, I'm going to talk some shit on the BM. How dare I!!!!!!!!