Can CP get more time just because they want it?
BM wants more timme with SD in the summer. (see my latest blog post for more info). She only has 1 week in the middle & a week before school starts now, in a standard 10 week summer. If summer is longer DH & her split the time. That leaves DH with 8 weeks (4 weeks, then another 4 after BM's week).
BM lives 3 hrs away. DH has EOWE, spring break, & alternating christmas/thanksgiving. It ends up with him having about 35% custody.
BM wants more summer time. DH goes strictly by the CO because any modifications in the past have turned into her behaving even worse than usual & putting us at an inconvenience. BM threatened to go back to court for more custody time because "it's not fair she only has one week in the summer" & "all we do is make her go to summer camp anyway" (it's a daycamp that she LOVES)
How easy is it for a CP to go back to court for more time in the summer or on breaks? Is that something courts would entertain what so ever? I mean honestly, BM already has 65% of the year! DH pays CS on time, has never missed a visitation other than because of weather, etc. I don't expect BM to actually go to court (she's broke) but I was just wondering if this is feasable? Especially with us having a baby on the way, I don't think it's a good idea to reduce SD's time with DH - making it seem like he doesn't care about her any longer or something. Especially just for BM to have an extra week or two & dump her off at a babysitter.
oh to add: just wondering
oh to add: just wondering because it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO difficult for a NCP in most cases to get custody or even more time without proving a reason it is beneficial to the child. So how can a CP think it's so easy to take even MORE of NCP's limited time?
She would have to justify it
She would have to justify it to the courts or offer a swap of other holidays in order to make up the time she's taking in the summer.
This may not be about more time with her kid. It may be about money.
I was hoping something like
I was hoping something like this would be the answer like you can't get more time without proving it''s in the child's best interest. Which this isn't. Its all about BM.
If she would have offered a swap earlier in the year, for example if she offered her week of christmas break for an extra week in the summer, or offered us both thanksgiving & christmas this year for an extra week - that would be fine & we could have put it in writing & went with it.
The fact that she says "I WANT THIS MAKE IT WORK FOR ME NOW" & expects DH to jump is just stupid. No offer on how to make up the time she wants to take from him.
Her her the same thing you
Her her the same thing you would tell a child that was demanding an immediate answer.
If you want an answer now, the answer is no.
But if you give me time to think about it, we may be able to work something out.
No commitments, no agreements, no promises.
LOL yeah. If she would have
LOL yeah. If she would have offered something... like she has thanksgiving this year. We are having the baby in November, due the 8th. My family & his family will be in town. I know she knows the due date from stalking us on facebook. She could easily have offered up this week & asked for another week in the summer & we could have probably came to an agreement.
She doesn't want to trade. She wants more time & that's it.
I also wouldn't give her the
I also wouldn't give her the time with promises that she'd do something for you later! If she's been difficult about this in the past, I'd stick strictly to the CO now. It's unlikely even if she went back to court that she'd be able to just take away dad's time - courts would most likely make her SWAP time if there were some particular reason she wanted more in summer. Courts also sort of frown on people going back to court claiming the original court order is "unfair" with nothing else that's new.
I'm glad to hear this. DH has
I'm glad to hear this. DH has only been to court 3 times & they were all before SD was 5. she's 7 now so it's beena while.
We will only do swaps if DH gets his time FIRST or it is put into a new CO & paid for by BM to be written up by an attorney & signed by both parents.
edited this because it was
edited this because it was wordy & I sounded crazy LOL. Pregnancy hormoens.
We aren't giving her options. I doubt a judge will think following a CO that BM & DH both signed & agreed to makes HIM look bad. If she wants more time, she can come up with & present options & then they can go to a LAWYER to get it written up & signed or get the CO ammended. BM is very high conflict & lies like she breathes, so it is simply not an option to treat her like a normal human being.
Before this CO when SD wasn't in school DH had sd 3 weeks every 6 weeks. So it was fine for him to go 6 weeks without seeing her & BM to go 3. 4 weeks was agreed on by the parents & we won't be bending over backwards to accomidate BM everytime she doesn't like the CO (which is LITERALLY everytime Sd is going to be here for more than a weekend visit. every holiday, spring braek, & summer she wants a change for her benefit).
LOL I Just edited that post
LOL I Just edited that post because looking at it made me angry ALL OVER AGAIN. & sometimes I'm afraid I sound like a crazy hormonal BIOTCH. So I'm glad you read past that & got what I was saying.
Ugh. I envy you. I really do. I wish BM was sane. She could come visit SD as often as she wanted if she would do the driving. She could take her out on weekends. She could take her on a damn vacation on our time with proper notice. If she wasn't always a damn threat of not bringing her back.
See BM loves confrontation in
See BM loves confrontation in text messages & in person or on the phone if she has time to hype herself up for it. But if DH snaps back, she has no idea how to respond & shuts down.
But he's been taking the 'walk away from her & ignore her" route because there's no point in dealing with her.
I don't want to pick through
I don't want to pick through a blog to learn the reasoning but lacking a good excuse for the kid to not visit the mother I would think a judge would consider fifty fifty.
If there is a good excuse why isn't the mother on supervised supervision? My point being if its so bad that a judge would not allow fifty fifty then it would have to be pretty bad.
But if she doesn't have the money or the knowledge to file by herself then its a moot discussion. If it isn't a horrible reason then Daddy should volunteer fifty fifty after all she is her mother.
BM is custodial parent. She
BM is custodial parent. She has 65% of SD's time.
DH is noncustodial. We live 3 hours away so 50/50 wouldn't work which is why DH has majority of the summer & BM has majority of the school year, because SD goes to a schol in her town.
DH & BM had SD in a town 3 hours away from us, 6 from BM. BM moved to be closer to her parents, they were supposed to have 50/50 & BM just up & moved. Because DH (then 20) was too young & dumb to fight it, BM became custodial when they finally did go to court years later because SD had been living with her majority of the time.
I'm not sure, because she
I'm not sure, because she asked DH to just give her more time & wasn't going to go through the court, so there wouldn't be any change in CS.
There's a 3 year modification coming up in less than a year anyway. But by that time DH will have a credit for another child.
She's not really the type to think that far ahead, because when DH talked about CS going down because she now had a job she backed off. I think she just wants SD 100% of the time & DH to write her a fat check.
DH wants to do nothing, keep
DH wants to do nothing, keep the CO as is. Which is what he told BM.
I just didn't know that if she did go to court if it was something the judge would entertain. "Hey judge, I have my chld 65% of the year but it's NOT ENOUGH & NOT FAIR so I want to take some of his 35% just because"
DH doesn't WANT less time
DH doesn't WANT less time with SD. No matter how much or little money it would cost. He only has her EOWE, he wants the 8 weeks in the summer. We take vacations in the fall when she won't be here, we just got back from a vacation a week or 2 ago. I don't mind or blame him for wanting time with his child.
Easy answer. Tell her you
Easy answer. Tell her you would be happy to give her the entire summer, minus 1 week as soon as she agrees to give you the school yr. That'll shut her up
That's exactly what I told
That's exactly what I told DH!