Invitations Question
OSD is having a baby shower for YSD in 2 weeks. The younger SD is one I NEVER had a relationship with and for most of her life after her early teen years she would only see her dad when it was time to get gifts, xmas & her birthday. Once in a while she would show up for DH's birthday dinner if we had a family dinner at a restaurant.
Now that she is pregnant she is calling DH every few weeks. I think she is paving the way for some monetary handouts - but whatever that is not my business.
Anyway my question is this, I have not received an invitation ( I am glad I haven't!), but she did tell DH about it last month. Would it be feasible that SD doesn't think she needs to send me an invitation and that by telling DH about it I would / should just show up showering YSD with baby gifts?
I am very relieved i have not been invited officially as it takes the awkward decision making out of my hands. But in light of the game playing, I wonder if this is a set up in that she told her dad about it which means that I know about it too.
I plan on just keeping quiet about it and not even saying a word about it to DH. Just wondered if this has happened to any of you and what you all think.
You ladies always have very insightful advise / comments - thanks!
This happened to me too. My
This happened to me too. My idiot, incompetent step-brat went out and got pregnant on purpose for attention. The family decided to throw a shower for her (nothing like getting rewarded for getting pregnant when she cant even take care of herself). My DH's family treats me as if I was blood. They are thoughtful and kind; all except for the bitch SD. My SIL called and wanted to invite me even though she knew that princess hated me; the big bad SM. I politely declined the invitation but thanked my SIL for including me. No way could I sit there and watch everyone swooning over this selfish bitch. We did not send a gift or anything. I was so relieved that I didnt have to go yet is was nice that my SIL to invited me. If I were you I would stay home and not acknowledge her at all; no card or gift. Sounds like she doesnt deserve you or your time. Be grateful that you dont have to go to this shower and have to sit there and act like nothing is wrong. Take the money that you would've spend on a gift for this ingrate and treat yourself to a nice lunch, glass of wine or a new pair of earrings. Do something nice for you. Screw her.
In your situation I'm not sure if she thinks that by telling DH that she expects you to show up. I think she would've sent an invitation if she wanted you to come. She is probably expecting daddy to shower her with gifts regardless. She may have told DH about the shower in order to draw attention to the fact that you are not family in her eyes. It will be interesting to see if DH eventually asks you to go or just to see what he does. Either way, be happy that you arent going to have to be subjected to this nonsense.
I don't think it is a mixed
I don't think it is a mixed (men & women) shower. I doubt DH would go anyway as his ex would be there and all her family. He cannot stand being around his ex at all!!!
Also, when DH told me about it it was in the planning stages only - not a confirmed date - and definitely nothing was mentioned about when it starts / ends etc.
Of course, there was lot's of talk about what YSD needs LOL - All the big ticket items were mentioned to DH. Good luck with that - he is not that generous without my money LOL.
I totally would not worry
I totally would not worry about this shower. What shower? Mentioning it was happening to her father means nothing. You did not receive a mailed invite personally addressed to you nor did the SD (or her host) phone you to invite. I'd consider myself not invited. Especially if DH didn't say 'Oh, OP OSD is hosting a baby shower for YSD on ______ at ______ and she'd like for us/you to come'.
I'm pretty sure if you were indeed invited you wouldn't be sitting there wondering whether or not you were or what the mentioning to DH meant. I wouldn't give it another thought. If DH springs it on you the day of , as in 'oh, did you forget you had a shower to go today this afternoon' or similar type last minute/couple day notice, simply tell him you assumed you weren't invited and no, you aren't panning on attending. No anger, no fighting, no excuses. If DH and/or SD/host meant for you to actually attend next time they'll figure out how to issue a proper and clear invitation. You're under no obligation to attend nor to send a gift. If SD gets hissy you didn't attend she can take it up with her father who didn't actually pass on an invite. If he doesn't like getting the blame, he can explain to her that an invite by a third party was insincere and rude.
There, problem solved. Schedule a nice lunch and shopping trip in for yourself that day.
"I plan on just keeping quiet
"I plan on just keeping quiet about it and not even saying a word about it to DH." Atta girl!!! And don't pay for any part of presents for her either. If you had a special celebration for you what do you think you would get from SD?
Simply put, you did not
Simply put, you did not receive an invitation. Period.
Even if I received an invitation, I wouldn't go, considering the relationship or lack thereof.
My husband's oldest daughter has been estranged from him since she was young. We would hear from her every couple of years, when she wanted something. We hadn't heard from her in 2 years when she called to tell my husband that she had had a baby. And as luck would have it, they were just now having a baby shower for her!
We received a voice mail from her cousin instructing us to call her so she could tell us exactly what we were to buy. We ignored it. She called again. We ignored it again.
Although we did see the baby, we did not go the shower. One, my husband knew what she was up to and two, he had no desire to be around BM1's family.
She did not invite you.
She did not invite you. Especially given the fact that when she discussed the shower ($) w/DH there was no set date or time that he could have passed on to you.
At the most she may have only wanted to give the appearance of inviting you through some sort of weak osmosis.
This really takes away the awkward need for you to decline the invite. Go you
This is less stressful for you. Enjoy the day!