SD 12 makes faces at me
Am i paranoid to think that Sd makes faces at me? My husband thinks heres nothing to it but i am pretty sure its loaded. Those facial expressions and words..theyre driving me crazy.
When dh shows affection towards me like hug me or kiss eme on the cheek in front of his daughters, this Sd12 makes a face or stares at something and puts on a sad face. She does that even when there are other people around as if to tell others that she is not happy about this. I have told my dh not to hug me in front of the girls anymore because it becomes embarrassing for me when she puts on that face and other people notice. My dh says i am just paranoid and that his girls woyld never do something like that but ive seen it so many times it cant be just my head making it up. Its not fair cos i am always so nice to them. The girls only like me when i have something for them. I dont bribe them or anything like that. Now i just dont want to give them anything at all or waste my time and effort for them (but of course its inevitable, one way or another i would be putting in effort and time for their sake). Dh said he would look into it further and then told me that he found nothing. That it was just probably because sd didnt know how to react. Dh hugs me in front of the kids to show them that i am part of this family etc. Sd keeps talking about their mom at meals almost as if shes trying to do it on purpose because im right there listening too. My dh and i have a lot of fun together and enjoy each others company and are best of friends..but i dread the days when the stepkids come over..the other two stepkids are okay, theyre to young to understand anyway..its only sd12 who really makes me feel like i should leave my dh. Because i dont want to deal with this disrespectful behavior. Dh hugs and kisses the kids and tells them he loves them all the time and i like that and i dont mind or feel jealous at all...but when he shows affection to me, sd12 puts on this face that i wish i could capture on camera and show to dh so he would understand why ita making me feel so hurt.
We spent one weekend in a summerhouse with some friends who came over and sd was so negative about everything...not wanting to go out hiking with us, just wanted to stay in yhe house...actually sh would cooperate in activities if i am not joining. I am so hurt with this behavior. After two days they will be in my home again and the tension will start again 
and i will have to clean up after they leave again!
These little carbon copies of
These little carbon copies of BM are sneaky. I agree with MizFoxie. You cant change the way you and your husband interact. Would you do this for your own bio child. I know I wouldnt. I would tell my bio kid suck it up this is how I show affection to this perticular person. Dont open a door for this kid to get her way! This is the begining trust me.
Ignore her. She is trying to
Ignore her. She is trying to cause trouble or draw attention away from you and DH as a couple. She is feeling insecure but doesn't know what to do about it
My SD is now 37 and even up to a few years ago she would pretend to throw up in her mouth if DH and I were too affectionate. It truly made me want to slap her stupid face!
Why add to her sadness?
Why add to her sadness? She's already overwhelmed with what has happened in her short life with the only family she knew, the parents who were always there, now blown apart.
When hubby goes to make kissy poo just pull away. He will question you then repeat your request. It's not that hard for him to remember and he'll be embarrassed if people are around.
In a much shorter time than you think she'll be on her way and you'll have him all to yourself.
Putting yourself in her face about this could lead her to open rebellion causing a myriad of problems which others are complaining about here in this forum even as you read this. You don't need that. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone here but there are some people who would have you start WWIII with a spouses kids when the problem is minor and easily correctable. Don't go there.
Hey OC. Read my post above.
Hey OC. Read my post above. We hoped SD would eventually "be on her way" too, but NO even well into her 30's she acts like a little baby if Dh and I are affectionate. It is truly disgusting to see a grown woman pretend to throw up if her daddy kisses his wife of over 20 years. SD needs to Grow the F up already!
Agreed. As long as they are
Agreed. As long as they are not making out tongues in mouths in front of her, too bad. It should not make her sad to see her father be happy/affectionate toward his wife.
If you can't ignore it, have
If you can't ignore it, have a camera and actually take a picture of her face.You have to be quick and sneaky though.
Shit, guess I'm mean. I would
Shit, guess I'm mean. I would loudly say something like, "Oh honey, why you look so sad! I'm sure Daddy doesn't want you to be sad! Why ever on earth are you not smiling dear, do you want a hug?!" And the do exactly that, hug her in front of everyone and be super sugary sweet about it. And then I would keep making a big deal about it in a sickly sweet way. Then if she refused a hug or complained about me she would look like an asshole and it would force Dad to acknowledge the behavior.
Lmao!!! I would totally do
Lmao!!! I would totally do that too!
I'd call her out on it each
I'd call her out on it each time she did it to embarrass her. And DH needs to shut down the BM talk at the table the second it starts with a "Amanda, stjupmamma and I don't want to hear about what you did at your Mom's house. Lets talk about our plans this weekend."
I don't think SD is a "brat"
I don't think SD is a "brat" exactly - she's twelve. It's a rough age. She probably IS sad that her Dad is so affectionate with you, because it means her parents won't be getting back together. All the adults may take that as a given, but at 12 they often still have the fantasy.
That doesn't mean you should stop being affectionate though! Your relationship with your DH MUST take priority - and it's honestly a good sign that your DH isn't overly sensitive to his little princess's pouting.
So hug and kiss your DH and don't look at SD when you do it - why give her that power over you? She can be sad about it as long as she's not making a scene or acting out. She's got the right to those feelings as long as she's not trying to tell you (or DH) that you're not allowed to "make her" feel that way.
Ignore the faces and just do your best to be pleasant to her otherwise. Oh, and the dinner thing - have you brought THAT up to your DH? Simply saying, "I'm not really comfortable hearing about BM at dinner, it brings up some unpleasant emotions for me and I'd really like to enjoy my time with you and the girls. Do you think you could change the subject when she does that?" is totally reasonable I think.
I think teen age problem is
I think teen age problem is right, it may or may not be a step parent issue. I remember being a teen and seeing my parents ( not divorced ) show affection and i would make a face. at that age i just thought it was gross. Now if progresses as a step parent issue it needs to be brought out in the open or could get alot worse. My SD did this when her friend was over once she made a face and i made one back at her and laughed, Then chased her around the room saying "ahhh do you want a hug too, do you feel left out?" but of course we have a silly relationship. But it showed her that i was aware of her making faces and I wasn't going to sit back and keep letting it happen.
Kids these day think they have a say in what there parents do,but they shouldn't. They are the adults and kids are KIDS! they dont get to make the rules if they don't like it too bad.
Sounds like my's DH's eldest
Sounds like my's DH's eldest daughter as a teenager, and yes it's upsetting. I'm sure her negative attitude is too. I also walked on egg shells around my DH's daughter going out of my way not to do anything that I thought would in any way make her jealous but in the end it was no use
Best advice I can give is be yourself and don't worry about walking on egg shells around her. As long as you're not going out of your way to instigate anything with her, then let her and DH deal with her own issues