Explain to hubby you are a teacher, not a babysitter.

That in your 'professional' opinion his children will retain far more of the information learned during the school year if they are in a structred/ educational envirnment. You can also pull the line of "It is not healthy for their psychies to have more face to face time with their step parent than with their actual parents, it can create conflicts in loyalties and lead to their having emotional issues and acting out.

Now, your son is your son. He is not school aged so 'retention' is really not an issue and additionally it is far better for a child to spend more time with their parent than the day care.

Granted, most of the above it utter BS that I just made up off the top of my head. Put a little thought into it, make it convincing.

Or tell him BOTH he and BM have to pay you to keep the kids. Name a price that is 2x their currently weekly rates.
If they elect to pay: Collect the $$, take the kids to day care and pocket the difference, explain later to BM and DH that you were teaching them a both a lesson in convenience vs practicality and they both failed.

I'm not a teacher, so outside perspective here, but I do work and I found quite a few summer day camps in the area for my bios to do this summer while I'm at work. They were cheaper than daycare and have field trips/swimming and stuff my kids are interested in. I wonder if you found a few of those and then maybe committed to one or two weeks to being with the kids if that would be a good compromise?

Not a teacher, but a SAHM here.

Not your monkeys, not your circus.

You are under no obligation to parent any children this summer who aren't yours. If you choose to do care for children that are not yours, that's another thing.

You don't owe your DH an explanation of why you "don't want to" - these are his children and he needs to find reasonable accommodations for them this summer.

I don't have my DD11 2-3 days/every week during the summer (goes to her BFs). DH knows those are days I'm "free" of kids and he has to either negotiate with me to watch them, or find other arrangements. I'm not the fall-to guy for free child care. Some days I am willing to take them, usually I am not. We work it out in advance so my DH isn't stuck last minute scrambling.

But I know I'm going to be made to feel really guilty about this and that I'm going to have to defend myself against both the skids, the BM (who by the way, would likely LOVE to have me watch the skids for her -- for free -- so she could get out of having a full-time daycare bill all summer), AND my husband.

Until your BM starts watching your kid for free, or until skids start paying your mortgage, or until you expect your DH to parent your child 24/7, then there is nothing to defend. You only feel guilty because you believe the skids, BM and DH are right in assuming you're supposed to act like a doormat. Why do you buy into their assumption?

Stand your ground. Say what you are going to say, whether it be what just.his.wife suggested or something else but then be done. Don't keep defending your decision, that just gives them more chances to argue with you and try to poke holes in your reasoning.

And truth be told, you do not need a reason other than "I don't want to" or "I don't think it's a good idea" or "That doesn't work for me". You don't actually have to give a "why".

People want the "why" so they can try to counter and talk you into seeing it their way.

I deal with this every year. For some odd reason DF, thinks I will change my mind about having SDs9&6 stay home with me during the month they are with us each summer. No, nope ain't gonna happen.

He says I should be OK with them staying home since they are only with us for one month. "You still have all of August to rest and relax."

"No, I have the whole summer to do what I want because your kids are going to camp." }:)

I was a teacher many years ago before I had kids. It literally took the WHOLE summer to recover from putting up with others' brats for the entire school year. I couldn't imagine putting up with someone's brats in my home all summer on top of it. Just say no, and tell them far in advance. You will likely have to bring this up since they are likely just assuming you will do it.

DH: So you will be watching the skids this summer right?

Stepping: Oh No. Didn't I tell you? Since I am working now, I figure I get rewarded with my time off, so I will be taking my time off for ME, not babysitting.

DH: But but but...you will have bio so no big deal right?

Stepping: hmmm..I must not be explaining this right. No DH I will be unable to babysit the skids this summer. And PS..I do NOT babysit MY bio.

DH: So unfair!!!!

Stepping: I am sorry you feel that way.

DH: So you will watch the kids?

Stepping: NO. NO. NO. Repeat as called for.

I agree with Willow, you need to stand your ground. Teaching is a demanding (and often thankless unfortunately) job and you deserve your summer for YOU and to spend time with your bio. To do whatever it is you want, make plans, relax, ets. It's the parents responsibility to figure out the summer plan, not yours.

I have a bit of a different, somewhat relatable situation. I work from home. Summers are especially stressful for me because of having my 3 bio kids who want to go out and do stuff all the time, not understanding that I have to work. It's like, "Hey you're home! Take me to a friend's house, lets go to lunch, I want to go to the pool." Frustrating but I haven't been able to afford summer child care so it's what I deal with. I overheard SO telling skids that they'll be able to spend extra time here this summer because I work from home. Ummm...sorry? No.

I still have to deal with my situation, but I'm not home to watch skids, I'm working. They are not my responsibility.

Tell the kids they will have more fun with kids their own ages than with you and the baby. But if they insist? You'd be more than happy to set up a summer school so they don't forget everything they learned and will be ahead when school starts up again.

Honestly I think it is just stupid to pick up kids and enroll them in care. If no one wants to be around them, leave them at home, where they may be wanted and where they probably have neighborhood friends etc. Let them stay with their mom. Taking them to your home and shipping them out in nonsense. You know it will create waves. Maybe talk to BM and only bring them on weekends. I would not bring my skids here to farm them out. When my ex takes my dd for the summers, he takes a lot of his time off, and he brings his parents to stay with him and care for her. It is a special time for all of them. If she were in day care I would not send her at all. Why would I when she could be home with her friends and family?

"Andddd…I think my husband still lives in a little fairy tale land that I would WANT to have them the whole time so I'm crossing my fingers I won't hear any comments from him on not keeping them."

This is the part that would concern me most if I were in your shoes. I would not care one bit what BM or anyone else thought, but I would want it to be ok with my DH. I don't envy you. It sounds like your DH wants you to treat the SSs like your own & he will clearly realize that is not the case when you want SSs to go somewhere else for the day while your bio stays with you if you can't convince him otherwise. That has the potential to drive a real wedge between you, as unfair as it is.

Plus, it sounds like you don't want the SKs to be disappointed in you, either, but if you don't keep them, it will be abundantly clear to them that you don't love them like your own son. (I don't expect you to, but for the sake of a peaceful step-family, there are things you do if you want to have a good relationship and you refusing to keep them at all during the summer seems to be one of those things that will cause hostility and resentment.) (And believe me when I say I totally get why you don't want to do it, and I surely would not want to, either!) That's why I think the best solution is to agree to keep them some and send them to camps some, which you can explain away by saying you don't want them to be bored around the house with you and the little guy and you want them to have fun. Then perhaps you and your DH can take them on vacation a couple weeks as well.

Sounds like this year will set a precedent, and I can see this getting harder and harder when your bio is older & in school in a couple years, since you won't be able to say that you're just "holding the spot" for your son. I guess I'm lucky I never had to deal with this. My DH was entitled to 4 weeks of visitation in the summers with my 2 SSs and he never got to take it. We are both lawyers who work 50+ hours a week with basically one week off in the summer (if we're lucky.) In the early years, we could not afford to pay BM $1200/mo CS then $300-$400/week for a babysitter for the SSs those 4 weeks. (Our 2 DSs together have been in child care/school for 10 hours a day/5 days a week, their whole lives, which is the breaks of having 2 working parents.) Also, I felt like the above poster, that it seemed ridiculous to have them at the house all day while DH was at work and would only see them a few hours in the evening. My DH agreed, which is why we compromised and only took them when he could actually be off of work. Whatever you do, I think it is key that your DH is on board. good luck!

I agree she is under NO obligation at all to care for other kids, then leave them to their mother, who is obligated. My neice was taken from mom one week each month over the summer, no one took time off for her, she was sent to a babysitter that ended up calling my sister and telling her the child is lonely and bored and cries for mom and sister often. Dad and smom felt that was just "too bad" since it was "their" time and could spend it any way they pleased. I just think they kids lose out when that happens. If it is a fifty-fifty schedule, maybe she can do a bunch of free things around her town. We have a library program that runs each day, parents have to stay but it is free. We have a free zoo day once weekly in our town, we also have city workers that hang out at the parks, keeping them clean and safe. They bring toys and games and once a week a free lunch. Maybe she and her husband can have the kids less but do more with them? I no longer work outside the home. My husband owns his own businesses, he can take some time off for summer travel etc. I am not obligated to do anything for my skids. But I do care about them, and I enjoy their company most of the time. No one is perfect they annoy me and I them I am sure of that. But we try to juggle everything and keep the peace. If the kids are really troubled maybe use the time with them for some counseling etc.

I'm not a teacher. I work from home. One of the biggest mistakes I made initially was allowing myself to become the "default" simply because I am home.

Train your husband starting NOW that he must not assume that you will accept responsibility for HIS children with someone else.

You have no parental rights when it comes to these kids. The upside to that is that you get to choose what level of parental responsibility you allow yourself to be saddled with.

That said, if you choose to put the kids in daycare, it may impact your finances by creating a situation where he has to pay to have them in care full time during the summer.

Still, I would be crystal clear in that he and BM should ALWAYS ASK me about stuff like this in the future, not assume that I will keep the kids during the day simply because I will be home with my own child.

When in the world did enrolling your kid in summer camp or day care become farming your kid out??? My son went to plenty of camps when he was a kid. He went on awesome trips with his camp friends and hung out with friends on the block in the evenings. We did family stuff on the weekends.

IM not a teacher but I work as a Instructional Assistant so i get the same time off as you. first of all you should make it clear to your husband. those kids have a mother and a father, so they both have resposibilities with them, they are not toguther so it goes half and half, so why in hell should you guys have those kids the whole summer, im sorry my dear but i didnot open my legs to have those kids and no body asked me if i wanted to have them or not, on the other hand you married your husband knowing he has those kids, and Im assuming he would support you if one of your family members need your help, so you are helping your husband with his responsability which is half not the BM, so start by asking your husband to keep them only half of the summer. and if thats the case then it would be unfair for you to want to send your skids to child care and not yours, bc then you are not supporting your husband. would you want to have ur mother or any other family member who's coming to ur house and your husband saying send them somewhere else i dont tnink so, so why would you do that?? there are more questions too. does his kids respect you? do they help out? the 9 year old could easly do some chores, also tell your husband if he wants you to be there for them, he has to make them respect you, help you and appreciate you. i have a 9 year old SD she helps around when he comes, i told my husband if he wants me to be there for her, i want something back, respect help and appreciatio, she helps me out with small things like washing the dishes doing her own bed, picking up after herself, watching my 2 year old for a little bit while i get stuff done, and about making your little one cry tell your husband to talk to them about it, and if they dont listen their punishment would be to go to child care all day long, if nothing of what im telling you gets done then u have the righ to send them to child care all day long, bc is nt ur responsibility they have a mother