What does it mean when SO says his kids will always come before me?
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Does it mean that I'm not important at all? Why in the world did he even start dating if he looks at life this way? He lets them do anything they want and they sleep in the same bed with him. He treats me like absolute crap when they are around and wants me to pick up after them and cook for all of them. He says he loves me but doesn't do much to show it. I am so very depressed and I came in here to vent today.
Yep. It means he needs to go
Yep. It means he needs to go a long time without a woman...
then he will realize just how much those kids of his come first.
And hey, maybe they do and always will
... and maybe he'll wake up and realize that his kids are going to grow up and move on and he'll be a lonely man following them around.
Sounds like he's not ready.
It means he's telling the
It means he's telling the truth. Gotta give him credit for being upfront. From what I've read here, it's the bait and switch that has women so resentful. Males seem to need a woman to cook,clean and care for their children and homes. If there are sexual benefits, even better. The question is, what do YOU get out of it?
The idea of him that he
The idea of him that he painted so beautifully for me in the beginning is what I get out of it. He seemed like everything I ever wanted. But now, I feel so alone and have lost my job and my nest egg because I had to support him in the beginning of our relationship. I feel very alone and unwanted. He makes fun of people with ptsd and he doesn't understand mine. He also says he always gets what he wants.
His actions absolutely are
His actions absolutely are saying that. But we always think that we are the special snowflake that will change his heart.
That is why it's ideal to
That is why it's ideal to date a couple of years, be engaged for a year (imo), be married for a couple of years before having baby #1. I know sometimes "life happens", but there are several chances throughout that sequence when you can cut your losses. You gotta know when to fold em.
Dahmer lived alone in an
Dahmer lived alone in an apartment. But I totally agree about people like that blending in to our society. They have to in order to be able to go so long without being caught.
What they said. It means he
What they said. It means he just wants a woman in his life to clean up his messes and put up with his crap.
I'm not sure what stage of the relationship you're in right now, but if I were you, I would probably be looking for an exit strategy if you are living together.
If not, and you have you're own place you should consider a clean break so you can get back to yourself.
Things will never work with someone unless they make their relationship their priority. The needs of dependent children should come first, but the relationship should be his top priority.
Start asking for a salary. He
Start asking for a salary. He needs a maid, and you deserve a man.
Start asking for a salary. He
Start asking for a salary. He needs a maid, and you deserve a man.
YOu can do better.He is not
YOu can do better.He is not who you were hoping he is.He even tells you now.Please leave this shit hole of a man.
Thanks everyone....this is
Thanks everyone....this is truly so hard. Every time he screams and yells at me he makes up and is so nice for a little while afterwards. Then, he goes back to normal for a while and then blows up again. He has this way of making himself sound so great. I am at a point where I feel destroyed beyond repair.
He needed a cleaning woman,
He needed a cleaning woman, chauffeur, cook, sex provider et al you get the idea.
How long before you leave?
Honestly, I think it's a fair
Honestly, I think it's a fair statement to say that the kids will always come first, whether it's to a step-parent or to a biological parent. In my opinion, it's a statement of 'I love my kids dearly, and I trust you enough to share them with you, but understand that if you mess with the kids, then my priority is them.' I know many biological mom's (many whom I work with) who tell their husbands that if they had to choose the husband or their kids, the husband would lose.
From what I understand (having no kids of my own), children are the most pure love you can have. Parents are generally programmed to protect their children at all costs, and if that ends up being a situation where the parent feels the situation isn't appropriate for their child, then ultimately it's their decision.