Somebody stop, or so help me goddess I am going to commit murder....
SD15.
Been grounded for 2 weeks now. For secretly meeting up with a boy she met online. (again)
VERY much against our very very clear rule.
So.. .. big lecture, lots of anger flew, lots of tears, lots of ... well..
She's grounded. She can go to school and she can go to work. Nothing else.
She has a part time job in a supermarket. Usually works three or four nights a week from 5 til 7.
SHe has not said a word to us, and us not to her for the past two weeks. She went to school, and she went to work. Or so we thought..
Today a friend who lives nearby informed me: "I saw your SD15 sitting by the pond the other night.. with a boy.. does she have a new boyfriend??"
This lying little bitch pretended to go to work, but obviously didn't....
I've got steam coming out of my ears... I feel like exploding.
DH doesn't know yet. He's still at work.
Poop is going to fly tonight for sure....
WHAT in the gods names are we supposed to do???
Send her to live with BM is not an option.
WHAT do we do with this kid?.. She cries when her dad is mad at her, but then obviously carries on with her own merry little way. I will not believe anything she says or promises ever again!
Any suggestions for how to deal with this? What would be a useful punishment?.. Other than taking away her smartphone and laptop.. because that IS going to happen for sure!
WE've already said to eachother through this past two weeks: What are we going to do with her??..
We really don't know..
Advice?
I too have a SD15...and she
I too have a SD15...and she too is a chronic liar. I have disengaged. I am cooly polite when she is here. As much as I would love to have a trusting relationship with her, it's not going to happen. I now walk away and motion to my DH as if to say 'she's all yours!' when trouble comes up. No longer my problem! I have to protect my own mental health now.
Short of walking her into school and work I don't know what else to do...but definitely have your husband handle it.
Could you ask work to provide
Could you ask work to provide you with her roster? So you know her shifts for the week?
I think your DH needs to tighten the rules, the most she acts up the more freedom and trust she looses, I'm sure it won't go down well but she is your house and you are the grown ups and adults. She is currently running the show...
Why is she working? For her
Why is she working? For her own spending money (as 15 is too young to drive alone in most states). If so, I guess it is time to quit the job, since it is obvious she isn't going anyway! Being trusted enough to have a job as a teen is a privilege! Won't have money for clothes and makeup? Should have thought about that before sneaking around and lying!
Other than that...disengage and let dear daddy deal with it!
Definitely, let her father
Definitely, let her father deal with her. She will drive you crazy, literally. Been there, done that.
I've never thought of her
I've never thought of her working as being a priviledge ... hmmm... now there's an idea! thanks!
Kids here don't have to drive. We don't live in the USA. We are in Europe. She can walk and bike anywhere she wants to go.
I can't disengage completely. I am the primary care giver, and dad works long and hard with lots of stress..
What I háve been doing, is pulling back emotionally. I am letting go of the dream image of us being a "real" normal family. Truth is, we are a blended family, and even though I have cared for these two girls since they were 6 and 3 (They are now 18 and 15) I am now accepting the fact that I am NOT their mom.
I've always acted like I was... but when they hit puberty... I became the stepmonster. When the first SD did it, I was heartbroken.
Now the second one is doing it, and I'm thinking: Fine.. you are not my kid anyway.
I DO however hate being lied to. AND!!!!.. what I fear more than anything really... with this boy crazy behaviour that she is displaying....
I just don't want to deal with any 'fall out'. I really don't.
What if she gets attacked? Raped??.. guess who will have to do the doctorstuff, the therapy drives the comforting????
What if she gets pregnant!???
So help me, I am NOT having her live here with a baby! and her dad and I are NOT (helping)raising a child! No way in hell!! But could we in all fairness just turn our backs and walk away??..
If she messes up in school... well.. why do I care??..
If she messes up in school it affects the time she will be living here! She will stay in our house longer, be financially dependant on us longer....
goodness, the thought of it makes me break out in hives...
Reading here and venting is helping a lot I must say. And the disengaging.. even though it is mostly emotional for now, is already making a big difference.
Thanks!