We never give BM a cent over CS

If SD needs something extra we buy it or pay the source directly.

Nope not at all. My DH will pay whomever directly but not BM - though not a issue as BM sees extra activities as her children being taken away from her as it isn't fair she must spend time away from SS when DH is home anyways because he chose to leave blah blah blah.

Only time my DH would ever consider money directly to BM is if she paid a dr co-pay and submitted him the receipt within 30 days showing it was paid which is in the CO. They have also recently talked about income tax agreements as DH would get more back but it would have to be done through a lawyer and her signing everything agreeing not to end up getting us audited for tax issues - and then again payment would essentially be through a 3rd part.

I agree with everyone else. If he is okay with paying for half, pay directly to the source. That way you know it is getting paid, and the kids know he is pulling his part.

Paying directly to the source is the only way to go. In our case, BM thinks that SO should pay the majority of all medical bills, yet she claims she paid half. SO finally spoke to her dr to find out if they could split the bill in half, and send him his copy of what is owed. BM tried to make him pay $55 of a $75 dollar bill.

Daddy makes a check out to the camp and gives it to the kids to take to Mommy saying "This is half of your summer camp payment. Your Mom and I want you to have a fun time this summer".

Are the kids unaware that Daddy pays child support? If so and he writes her a check and do the same thing. If he sends a check to the state or something he can make out the check to the state and give it to the kids asking them to give it to Mommy saying "I'd like your Mother to send this check to the child support people so they'll forward the money to your Mother so she can buy groceries and pay the rent/mortgage".

When Mommy calls asking about it Daddy tells the truth "I was tired of the kids thinking you were the only one paying for things. The sooner you send the check the sooner you'll get the money". Second choice: he sits them down with the check and the form that goes with the check or whatever and explains the whole procedure. If they're old enough - tween or older - he can tell them directly that he wanted them to see he was paying his fair share - in age appropriate language of course.

Kids aren't stupid and they'll absorb all of this without much comment. But if Mommy ever tells them that Daddy isn't paying his fair share or whatever they'll call her on it.

Daddy makes a check out to the camp and gives it to the kids to take to Mommy saying "This is half of your summer camp payment. Your Mom and I want you to have a fun time this summer".

Are the kids unaware that Daddy pays child support? If so and he writes her a check and do the same thing. If he sends a check to the state or something he can make out the check to the state and give it to the kids asking them to give it to Mommy saying "I'd like your Mother to send this check to the child support people so they'll forward the money to your Mother so she can buy groceries and pay the rent/mortgage".

When Mommy calls asking about it Daddy tells the truth "I was tired of the kids thinking you were the only one paying for things. The sooner you send the check the sooner you'll get the money". Second choice: he sits them down with the check and the form that goes with the check or whatever and explains the whole procedure. If they're old enough - tween or older - he can tell them directly that he wanted them to see he was paying his fair share - in age appropriate language of course.

Kids aren't stupid and they'll absorb all of this without much comment. But if Mommy ever tells them that Daddy isn't paying his fair share or whatever they'll call her on it.

Daddy makes a check out to the camp and gives it to the kids to take to Mommy saying "This is half of your summer camp payment. Your Mom and I want you to have a fun time this summer".

Are the kids unaware that Daddy pays child support? If so and he writes her a check and do the same thing. If he sends a check to the state or something he can make out the check to the state and give it to the kids asking them to give it to Mommy saying "I'd like your Mother to send this check to the child support people so they'll forward the money to your Mother so she can buy groceries and pay the rent/mortgage".

When Mommy calls asking about it Daddy tells the truth "I was tired of the kids thinking you were the only one paying for things. The sooner you send the check the sooner you'll get the money". Second choice: he sits them down with the check and the form that goes with the check or whatever and explains the whole procedure. If they're old enough - tween or older - he can tell them directly that he wanted them to see he was paying his fair share - in age appropriate language of course.

Kids aren't stupid and they'll absorb all of this without much comment. But if Mommy ever tells them that Daddy isn't paying his fair share or whatever they'll call her on it.

these concerns are reasonable. when the skids were young, dh gave money to bm for things the skids wanted. for instance, one skid wanted a particular toy. bm used the money, and then skid told his father, "mommy bought me this great toy," making it look like "bm" was the generous one. some of this can't be helped if the dh is a noncustodial parent, but i doubt if bm said that the father gave her money to buy the item.

younger children dont understand child support, but the father needs to somehow make it clear that he is paying for most of their upkeep.

on a sad note, dh begged bm to save a little money away each month for each child to be placed in a trust so they would have a little money when they graduated from high school. did bm do any of this? not a cent was saved. after skids got clothes, shoes and other essential living expenses, bm spent the rest on her self and second husband, the one she commited adultery with and then married. every two years or so they had new cars. dh knew now the bm was spending the "child support" money.

Not unreasonable at all. DH doesn't give BM a dime above CS, and will pay extras direct himself.
She screwed herself these ways.

1. Pretended to be having a breast cancer scare, so had lots of Dr appts. Told Dh she needed extra money for childcare after school. Dh found out that BM had actually pulled SD out of that daycare. He clawed back CS because of it.

2. Claimed medication with insurance, then billed DH for it. I claimed it only to find I may have inadvertently committed fraud. stupid bitch.

3. Continually told SD she had no money bc Daaadddddyyyyyyy didn't pay. SD would call DH and cry because there was no food and they couldn't pay for groceries.

Now even CS is given by post dates to BM directly in front of SD so there is no confusion.

SD was convinced DH did nothing and BM paid everything with her new flavour of the month. SD would then freak about our vacations etc... PULEEZE

My husband doesn't pay for anything above child support. Would he? Yes. He wants to do extra things for SS10, but he always asks BM for a receipt and it never gets produced or he tells her to let her know when sign-ups are so he can go pay his half directly. SS also has never been forced to finish anything so my husband started telling BM to produce a receipt and he'll pay her at the end of the season after he sees SS going to all the events for the particular activity. It's never happened. He's been in cub scouts, baseball, soccer, football, etc and has never been taught that he owes it to his team to finish. Also, when SS was 6, she claimed at she needed half of the money for his winter gear for school since they require kids to have coat, hat, glove, scarf. He again asked for a receipt. She said she'd bring it, but his half was going to be $150 and that he should bring the money for her so he could pay her after she shows him the receipt. He told her that if she honestly spent $300 for winter gear for a 6 year old, then she needs to take everything back because she got ripped off and there was no way he was paying for half and that he'd go buy his own winter gear if he had to. He showed up to our house with a Columbia jacket that next weekend (no hat, scarf, or gloves btw). After that? We never saw the Columbia jacket again (and I have yet to this day see my SS wear a hat, scarf and/or gloves). Thank god, my husband was smart enough not to pay for that nonsense.