Why is BM so embarrassing and rude?
So, now that bm and dh are getting along, see my previous other blog posts, all the kids, skids and my bd are in a camp together. Since I signed up bd, dh asked that I enroll skids too. He is working like a crazy man this week so has zero extra time. Sure, no problem. (this was my mistake) So I enrolled them, dh filled out all the paperwork, I drop them off the first day and pay the bill. BM will pay her half later, fine.
Later in the day I find out bm can't pick the skids up when the camp ends so we have to pay for extended care and since it's bm's time we can't pick them up. So, I go back to the camp and pay for extended care for this week - mind you, it's not everyday just three days and the camp leader, who is great gave us a break on the full week.
At this point, I'm a little embarrassed as the camp leader is very nice, but also giving me the side eye, like "you don't have your sh*t together' kinda look. Which I hate, because I do. I keep my life extremely organized. Whatever, that's my own thing. I kindly ask for a receipt and she is happy to provide one for me to pick up the next morning. We need a receipt so we can have bm pay her half.
So, the next morning I stop in the office and of course bm has already been there and demanded the receipt they made for me. Now, the receipt, she is entitled to and we would have given her a copy. The annoying part is I met yet again with chaos and confusion because of bm. They told me she said she needed it and they explained to her that is was for me and they could print her one tomorrow but she said something along the lines of 'No, it's mine and I'm taking it' Nice bm, nice. Way to be good to the camp leader.
It's just embarrassing and I know it isn't my issue or a reflection on me, but come on! What I've learned is I let my disengagement slip a little and got bit in the you know what. So, now dh and bm can fight over the receipt or dh can call the camp himself and get one. I'm done.
- threeandfree's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Just say to them, "this is
Just say to them, "this is what I put up with." They'll get it. Yes she's a moron, but you can't help it.
Tell the camp that you paid
Tell the camp that you paid and the receipt was yours. Tell them that BM is "not the most cooperative about these things". Use a neutral tone, and because they just experienced the crazy lady making demands, they'll get it.
Perhaps they can give you a copy of the receipt labeled COPY 2. The director can write a short note on it stating what happened and sign it. BM can now say that she paid, since she has the receipt. Make sure the director indicates that you paid, and that BM showed up and took the receipt. BM did not pay any of it.
And if the kids were at the camp on BM's time, and she couldn't pick them up, why are you rushing over to pay for them? If BM okayed this camp, it's her problem to deal with, isn't it? A lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part.
"now that bm and dh are getting along"
I hate this shit. The BM can act like a lunatic, but as soon as they calm the hell down, DHs want to start basing their actions as if they are coparenting with a reasonable person capable of keeping her ego out of driving her actions.
It's just a matter of time till she starts up again, at which point you can give DH an "I told you so. It's nice when she's calm, but she goes in cycles. We can't let down our guard when she's decided to be nice, because the minute something doesn't go her way, she'll turn back into a lunatic. It's like coparenting with a toddler. We can't let down boundaries, because past behavior is the best indication of future behavior."
This, exactly this... I hate
This, exactly this...
I hate this shit. The BM can act like a lunatic, but as soon as they calm the hell down, DHs want to start basing their actions as if they are coparenting with a reasonable person capable of keeping her ego out of driving her actions.
It was my mistake to go back and pay the fees for the extended care. I got caught up in the kids and making sure their needs were met. I know, not my job. Repeating to myself, not my job!!!!
"This, exactly this..." Tell
"This, exactly this..."
Tell him now that like most high-conflict Cluster B BMs, her moods go in cycles. Tell him not to let down his guard, because psycho-bitch will be back. The issue is never the issue, it's her hurt ego or her need to treat someone like her emotional punching bag.
In the meantime, quietly start taking notes. Write down a daily indicator of BM's mood without telling your DH you're doing it. That way, when your DH is just shocked that they're amicable co-parenting relationship is on the skids, you can show him. The "I told you so" will feel so sweet.
Perhaps that way he'll finally understand the amicable coparenting relationship he so desperately wants exists only in his head, and letting down boundaries with her when she's temporarily behaving like a balanced person is not a wise decision.
Did BM pay her half when she
Did BM pay her half when she got the receipt? If so, it's annoying but not a problem.
If she got the receipt without paying, it may be a problem. But, if you paid by check or credit card it shouldn't be. Your check or your credit card is your receipt.
Your lesson is that no matter how well everyone is seeming to get along, if you do something nice it will be your fault when they goof it up.
No, of course she didn't pay
No, of course she didn't pay her half! Because my dh thinks everything is fine now that bm is being nice(for the last three weeks), we paid the whole bill and will wait in vain for bm to pay us her half.
And we did pay with a check so we are covered.
I am in 100% agreeance with
I am in 100% agreeance with this. You need to get in writing from the camp director what happened.
If you paid for it, its your
If you paid for it, its your receipt.... BM pays for My SD5 dance classes (we give her DH half) and I asked her to send me a copy of the receipts for our records... and the same works if DH pays for something, she gives us her half and if she wants a copy of the receipt we will give her one. so far we have only one minor issue, DH paid for her dance show costume (BM paid for last years) and i went to send money to her dance teacher but BM's sister already paid...i just gave BM the money and asked for the receipt... but i guess some BM's can get a bit crazy
hope you figure something out with BM...she sounds like a headache :/
since it's bm's time we can't
since it's bm's time we can't pick them up
I'm kind of stuck on this. Who won't let you pick them up? BM? Then she pays, period.
BMs like this have their nice moments for one reason only, don't be fooled by it. Ever.
Amen
Amen
Oh, I know and agree, but the
Oh, I know and agree, but the CO states that we pay anything over a specific amount for summer care that was decided during the last mediation. It doesn't make sense, but it is what it is.
And BM is the one that says we can't pick them up from camp when it's on her time. She would rather they stay in aftercare, since we have to pay for it, even when I or DH is there to pick up BD. It's ridiculous and childish, just like her.