The 'Talk'
Well we have finally had enough my Partner of 3 years and his adult D (now 22) and I will be having a face to face on sat. She is rather childish and manipulative... Always claiming to him to want to spend time with just him when we are back in UK... but then when she talks to me saying how much she hates him and he is a crap dad etc, and never there for her etc etc. (her brother 25 is the complete opposite) She calls and demands money and then screams if we say no!
The last few episodes have been her BM calling the police to have her removed from the house as she had been violent to her, and we would not allow her to automatically take over our flat. (we let her before and she created so much mess) This was then followed by the lies she says to me... BD used to hit BM etc...He used to go and work away and leave us with no money... He never saw me in any of my school things (he used to work away 5 weeks at a time then back 5 weeks... and in those times spent a significant amount of time with the kids, plus taking them skiing every year and a summer holiday)
So we have had a chat and came to the conclusion that she talks trash to me about him as a way to make me question him... (she normally starts off trying to lie about anything she has said when challenged) In the past he has tried to talk on his own., but does admit that his memory is not the best and she starts screaming and being really unpleasant. (he hates conflict)
So now we are going for the concerted approach,... us together not divided. We know we have our life to live and we intend to do that... Yet I am still apprehensive about Sat lunch. Just have to trust him.
THIS!!! I wouldn't even
THIS!!! I wouldn't even bother with a piece of crap like her.
That she just has to try and
That she just has to try and be a little more respectful to both of us. and stop telling so many lies. That it will not work trying to put a wedge between us, as we do talk and trust each other.
She is an expert manipulator... lost of 'all my friends fathers etc' to 'everyone in the family thinks that I am in the wrong, even when she has not even said anything to anyone. Also she has to start taking responsibility for her own actions. The fight with her BM came about because she refused to take some clothes off the radiator and had to be asked more than once. But as usual it is turned round that she should not have to do anything, even though she is living in her mothers house.
Last time we were home we wanted to see an old friend who was dying. She had a hissy fit as it meant SO would only be able to spend an hour or so with her.. as she was more important that us saying good-buy to someone who is dying!
If he avoids conflict I don't
If he avoids conflict I don't think much is going to be accomplished. In face it sounds like another opportunity for her to walk over you two.
In light of what you've said, the lies and all my advise to you is just avoid talking to her as much as possible, in person, by phone or whatever. Let her father deal with her but keep a tight rein on the purse strings.
If its money she's after giving her the letter suggested earlier sounds good.
Hopefully not... Even though
Hopefully not... Even though he really hates conflict, he is aware that this cannot carry on. We are only in the UK for a few days per year as our work takes us around the globe. So if she wants to spend time with us she has to visit etc and when we are back we try to see as many people as possible.
I will defiantly try not to talk to her too much... But is rather hard when she has been known to track us down when we are out with friends, then wait for him to talk to someone else before she says something to me.