Not a hill to die on. If a kid is hungry, you feed her. Sometimes they hardly eat anything, and other times they are growing and eat more than an adult. My kids can eat nonstop some days (we homeschool). And they are healthy, athletic kids. I typically eat 5-6 times a day and they seem to do better this way as well. 3 meals a day is actually not ideal for most people.

OP, you are not unreasonable.

Some kids pull this crap to stall bedtime or to screw around during dinner time. My SS tried this crap a couple years ago because he didn't want to eat what was made. His options were saving dinner or wait till breakfast. He eats great at dinner now and if he is hungry later - before bedtime - it's carrot sticks, an apple, or some pretzels.

I am shocked at the comments. It is wasteful to throw out dinner only to ask for something else. My stepson asks if he can be done after eating only half his dinner because he says he is full. We throw the dinner out and then 15 minutes later he wants a snack. Now we have a rule if he doesn't eat his dinner he doesn't get snacks.

Others say it's not a problem - I do. I think I understand where you're going with this. Kids like to stall for time before bedtime. And if they can get away with playing the "I'm hungry" or "I'm thirsty" game, it'll go on forever. I don't play that with SS11. We eat dinner. He KNOWS now that if he doesn't eat dinner then he's SOL the rest of the night. There is absolutely no need for additional snacks later on, unless we eat an earlier dinner than usual.

im with OP on this one.

to me it falls into the same category is making special meals.

i make one dinner. SD can either take it or leave it. we dont make her a special order of boxed mac and cheese or whatever cram BM usually feeds her. i will say i take care ot make sure that there is somethign she will eat in the meal.

My SS was (no wait) My SS *IS STILL* like this. I don't mind spending $200 on dinner if the child eats which he doesn't. Then, within the hour of us having put the dishes away he asks for a "snack". This is why I refuse to buy snack foods anymore. Granola bars, chips, etc. Even juice I refuse to buy because he ends up snacking on those.

To make matters worse, my two bios have picked up the habit as well. In order to combat this, I break out the apples and oranges for them to eat. Thank goodness my bios love fruit. SS hates any kind of fruit in general.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your child to eat their dinner (or save it if they say they're not hungry at dinner time). But I also don't think it's enough to get your panties in a twist over, if her dad doesn't have that rule and he's willing to be the one taking care of it. If this is REALLY an issue for you, it's an issue with DH, not your SD - sounds like DH has different rules than you do. You two have either got to get on the same page or you've got to follow his lead, but if it doesn't bother him (and he's not making more work for you) then it really shouldn't bother you. I honestly don't get why it bugs you at all.

In my house you eat what is served at the table. I am NOT a restaurant. My DD is a garbage disposal and will eat all of her food at every meal no matter what it is but my DS is a lot more picky. He's getting better because I've established rules. I give him a portion I deem as reasonable and if he makes a genuine effort to eat his meal and eats enough that he should reasonably be full and asks for something before bed I give him something (healthy - fruit, veggies, or leftover dinner) however if he hims and haws at his dinner picks around and doesn't eat it then that is it. He doesn't get anything else that evening and he can have a big breakfast!

I hate wasting food and I make sure that I cook a healthy dinner every night for them.

Although kids can be excited and distracted at restaurants. For instance DD (garbage disposal) doesn't eat well at restaurants because there is so much going on so she will eat the rest of her food when she gets home. If we came home and either of my kids asked for the rest of their food I think I wouldn't have an issue giving it to them. It's not like I'd have to make something or clean up dishes or go out of my way other than putting the take out container on the table and giving them a fork.

I have dinner issues with my YSS because I make dinner and he verbalizes how much he hates everything and he only likes pizza hut and he hates this and that. He gags at the table and makes a big scene. He's 11 he's old enough to know better. FDH has finally started putting an end to this because it's insulting to me that I try so hard and he is rude. He's instructed now to say "no thank you" and if he doesn't eat that is all he gets.

We have the rule that any time the kids want healthy food they don't have to ask. I usually always have fruit, salad, yogurt granola bar. They can eat that stuff any time.... now I do get pissed if they put food on their plate they know they like but they get "in a mood" and don't want to eat it for some reason. Because then I it goes in the trash and they pull something else out.

But pulling out leftovers and having the kids finish what they didn't eat a at restaurant or earlier when everyone else was eating? I'm ok with that.

sue, i think the difference here is that this wasnt a pre-bedtime snack. this kid complained abotu being hungry the second they returned home from dinner. doesnt sound like they too 2-3 hours to return home after dinner.

ohhhhhhh the humanity! SENDING A KID TO BED HUNGRY?

It doesn't matter if she had a chance to eat at a RESTURANT - which lots of children DONT'. It doesn't matter that she didn't eat and didn't ask to bring her food home. It doesn't matter that she is 'magically' hungry right before bedtime.

OP is mean for BEING ANNOYED even though she didn't say anything.

ARE WE FRIGGIN SERIOUS PEOPLE? You eat dinner & that's all there is to it in my house. Call CPS if ya want. I HIGHLY doubt that the problem with financially able parents in America is NOT feeding their kids. Fat as kids these days are, & we wonder why?

This is an issue that irks me, too. My stepsons (ages 9, 8, and 7) ALWAYS have to have 1-2 snacks after dinner. We normally eat around 7:00, and bedtime is 8:30, but for some reason they're always starving to death no later than 8:00.

I can see it for what it (usually) is: It's either (1) they didn't like what we had for dinner, and therefore didn't eat much; or (2) they're looking for an excuse to delay bedtime.

Either way, that doesn't fly with my children. I raise mine the way I was raised, which is similar to what OP said. You eat your dinner, or don't. I don't care either way, but don't come to me shortly after we finish eating, begging for something to eat. If I do anything at all, I'm just going to reheat the plate of stuff that you didn't eat (and that I covered and put in the refrigerator), or I'll remind you (as I did at dinner) that it's a long time until breakfast, and you'll just have to wait.

My DH's sons already are starting to develop a weight problem. Not bad, but it's noticeable. They snack nonstop at BM's house and eat at McDonald's almost every night that they're with her, and they're putting on weight at a disturbing rate. I've mentioned to DH a couple of times that I don't think it's a good idea for them to get used to snacking right before bed, because it's a habit that can be problematic the older they get. You really do have to pick your battles, though, and I've decided not to get too involved in this issue with my stepsons. If they get fat, that's not my problem.

I still don't allow my boys to snack at night. If they didn't finish their dinner, and if they're not two seconds away from going to bed, I'll offer to reheat their plate. (They always refuse that.) If they did finish dinner, I'll offer them a piece of wheat bread. If they're hungry, they'll eat it. If not, they won't. That's what my mom did when I was a kid, and now I understand why.

We let the skids eat throughout the day and not at pre-designated meal times. For years, as adults, DH and I have tried to be healthier by eating small meals throughout the day.

Skids do not get to eat whatever they want, whenever they want it. They have to eat their meals, but not all in one sitting if they're not hungry. They are not allowed to have anything to eat one hour prior to bedtime. They do still have to sit at the dinner table with us as a family. We don't buy junk food, so that's hardly ever an issue in our home.

What value is there in forcing a kid to stuff himself? Or to finish everything in one sitting? Or to not allow them to eat when they feel hungry? I just think it sets them up for problems as adults.

If DD's are hungry after dinner snacking depends if they ate a good portion of their meal. If they were little Hoovers and practically devoured the table then yes they may have things like carrots,apples, whole grain toast with nut butter, etc.. If they had two bites and announced they are full we ask one question- when is your next meal? they answer breakfast and no snacks. They are free to clear their spots after that but usually they eat at least a few more bites first.

Damn right I would be mad if I paid for a dinner out that SS8 didn't really eat and then came home and said he was soooo hungry! That's money AND food wasted. And I'm not a monster. When we eat at home we try to aim for things that SS8 and BS15 like. And SS8 always tries to pull something because he is used to fast food that is consumed with your fingers at BM's house. We have literally had to teach him how to use utensils and still have to remind him to not eat with his fingers but with his fork. And if he balks at what is served, well tough. Do NOT ask for a snack in a hour. It won't be happening.

I never saw the point of making food an issue. I rarely finish what I order out (portions are too big! /but sometimes it sound better than it is. So it comes home - I may eat the rest that night, the next day, or not at all.) Even when it's something I cook myself, I may or may not fancy it when we actually sit down. So I'll get something else for myself later. I let the kids do the same - only rule has been to clean up after yourself. My kitchen is never closed.

My ex, on the other hand - their kitchen closed after dinner. For the kids. Even if they ate dinner, wanted fruit, whatever. Dinner & done. The adults were free to nosh on anything. Which always seemed a bit whacked to me. But, not my house, not my rules. The kids adjusted.

Whichever way worked best? No clue. But both kids are good/healthy eaters as young adults, and excellent cooks, both willing to try new things.

As for whether the kid is playing the adult to either get food they like more or delay bedtime? All depends on the kid. My youngest was always ravenous (to be fair, though, also an athlete). She would eat more than my elder and I together, and be ready for more - of anything - shortly after. I used to send her to school with full meals to eat in class (small HS which allowed eating during lectures). As in, each class. And in lunch. A typical day? Two breakfast sandwiches for the bus, a thermos of soup or pasta (sometimes both, like in winter), several sandwiches, a chef-type salad, leftovers from the night before.Plus some fruit, veggie sticks, cheese sticks. Yogurt. She also always had granola (that she made herself) in her locker. So if she told me at bedtime that she was hungry? It didn't surprise me, and I didn't tell her no. At 5'5", she was 128 lbs of pure muscle. (LOL I can understand why Dad/SMom closed their kitchen! But the child really was hungry!)

My other one? Was fine with a bagel and some fruit during the day, a snack when he came home (whatever he could forage), then dinner. He rarely said he was hungry otherwise. But the rare times he did? Also didn't surprise me.

I understand this. I've always made my kids eat all their dinner, at the table, and no dessert if there's any trouble. I also don't cater to children's demands about what to eat. I make dinner...everyone eats that dinner. I don't make special meals or let kids waste food only to say they are hungry 20 minutes later. That pisses me off to no end. My kids are conditioned with all this, and have been since day one. My SD5 has def not been. She likes to use the excuse that her food is too hot so she can wander away from the table. FH lets her do this and then when she finally decides to eat, its cold and she won't eat it. And its not like I don't take the kids input when it comes to dinner...I always ask what everyone wants and try to please the majority. Sometimes I don't do this when I think everyone needs something healthier. There are times when I do make what SD5 wants, and then when its there in front of her, all of a sudden she hates it and won't eat it. I do, what OP does...if you don't eat it, it will be re-heated for you when you are hungry. I don't waste food...and I def won't waste food on spoiled, entiled, inconsiderate brats. Esp when I made said brat what she wanted.

Had to add that if the kid ate all or most of their dinner, but it was a battle to get them to do so, dessert/extra snacks still go out the window. I know, I'm so very cruel. But in my house, kids don't argue with the adults(at least my kids).