More of the same from DH's sister and daughter

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DH tells me last week that SSIL invited him and I to an outing with DH's daughter and SGS. SSIL told DH that DH's sister and FIL were also attending. DH says to me that he really would like us to attend. I was happy the invite came from SSIL but hesitant to agree because spending the day with DH's sister and daughter is totally unappealing to me based on the crappy way they gang up and treat me. But DH insisted it would mean so much especially to see SGS

Finally I say to DH that I will support him and go to this event but remember it works two ways and I expect his support in return. DH agrees that of course he understands and would be supportive to me

So yesterday morning we get up at 6:00 a.m. to meet everyone at FIL's to make the 1-1/2 hour trek into the city

Of course when DH's sister arrives she doesn't bother to acknowledge me, then again I didn't say hello to her either - after too many years of politely greeting her to be completely ignored with not so much as an acknowledgement I wizened up some time ago and stopped acknowledging her too

She just sat there staring at me, like she does when she's feeling insecure about something to do with me

Whatever

Then DH's daughter, SSIL and SGS arrive and we all pile into their van. Same treatment from DH's daughter. No hello, nor none from me to her.

The PASing of SGS against me was as obvious yesterday as it is every time I see her/them

Once we arrive at the event, DH's sister and daughter hang out together, any time they were anywhere near me they would get all loud and happy together, obviously going to great trouble to exclude me and make sure I knew it....not that it worked as I happily spoke with FIL, SSIL, DH and even little SGS and paid no attention to either one of them. SO immature!

After the event we went out for lunch and it was the same BS there, and neither bothered to say good-bye to me when DH and I left either

So, how did DH support me in all this?

Well, he just tried to have a grand old time happily talking with his sister and daughter whenever he could

When we left and DH could see I was annoyed and asked what the problem was, I said oh I don't know, neither your sister or your daughter say hello to me, make any effort to speak to me at all let alone actually show some manners and consideration and make any effort to make me feel welcome, and of course they rudely don't say good-bye either

DH's response?

"Well they didn't talk to me either"

Told DH I don't think I'll be going to too many more events that they are part of

They are ignorant bitches

They are ignorant bitches Catmom2...and I know you deal with the same bs

I won't feel the slightest bit guilty when the next event comes up and I tell DH I won't be joining him!

.....Sometimes I feel like

.....Sometimes I feel like they all think we HAVE to show them consideration or engage with them...just because they are related to DH...No thanks....a relationship is a two-way street, but I think a lot of us Stepmoms (myself included) have gone above and beyond in these relationships to promote peace...but, quite frankly...I think in our effort to hold the family together...We have taken ownership of the ENTIRE relationship...leaving the other relatives unaccountable for their behavior...(which still ends up not making a difference in the long run)...What? Does DH think they will dislike you if you reject their invitation? THEY ALREADY DO!!!! Disengaging was the first healthy move I made to check them...and myself...and bring clarity to the entire relationship...It bothers them that It does not blow a hole in my universe if they don't like me..Their choice...feel free...Their loss...less for me to have to deal with to be honest with you....

Your DH sounds lot like mine...When it comes to that magical moment for him to say something to address their rudeness...He folds...

Well, I have mustered up enough respect for myself to stand up for myself...And once I drew the line...my dh started to show me more respect also...Now the tide has changed, and the gift of love and friendship that I extended to them for 26 years is no longer an option...It's kind of like the old example of someone complaining "You don't Love Me"...and my response is "I did...it just wasn't good enough for you...

I have moved on...I CHOSE to...a relationship is optional on BOTH sides...

Soon we will be relocating to another state..(None of them now it yet) .and unfortunately, for them, they wasted all that time and all that opportunity to capture a wonderful thing...I am going to catch some sunsets with my man before it's too late...Life is just too darn short...

My advice?...Lock yourself in a closet, google the song "We are the Champions" by queen....( I like to think he wrote that for just us stemoms lol) .Then, come out fighting to get your life back and recapture your self respect...and NEVER allow any of them the chance to rob you of you God Given right to be happy and free...you go girl!

Such great insights

Such great insights peacemaker...yes I think they really do think we have to kiss their butts and that they're entitled to treat us like total garbage

You must feel good knowing that you did give it a long time of falling over backwards and it was their relationship to lose. I know this is exactly how I feel about DH's daughter and sister....I spent many years falling over backwards trying to kill them kindness, gain their trust and respect, in the end just gain a civil relationship

When I finally figured out that would never happen, because they were having far too much fun in their war against me, I started disengaging from them

I think it irks them big time that I no longer kiss their butts and they can see I'm not in the slightest bit unhappy about their exclusion - so nice to have taken all their power away!!

I love your advice, way too funny but absolutely right on. Thanks so much for that

Such great insights

Such great insights peacemaker...yes I think they really do think we have to kiss their butts and that they're entitled to treat us like total garbage

When I finally figured out that would never happen, because they were having far too much fun in their war against me, I started disengaging from them

I think it irks them big time that I no longer kiss their butts and they can see I'm not in the slightest bit unhappy about their exclusion - so nice to have taken all their power away!!

I love your advice, way too funny but absolutely right on. Thanks so much for that

If my experiences can help

If my experiences can help some of you, then, at least it was not all for nothing....

These women need to grow up!

These women need to grow up! Jeez!

I hate them for you. I agree about not attending anymore events. It's seems they enjoy your presence just to ignore you and disrespect you.

I think you're right mannin

I think you're right mannin they invite DH and I and then exclude, exclude, exclude...they seem to love having a war to wage

While I agree that your DH's

While I agree that your DH's sister and daughter were out of line, I have to say I don't think he could have done much... My BIL (my sister's DH) treats my DH and myself pretty much the same way. Doesn't say hello, talk to us, whatever. I honestly couldn't care less, the man is an ass and I don't know how my sister stays married to him. I know it bugs my DH, but he's never made it MY fault or my problem to solve, because I certainly don't control his behavior. (My sister doesn't get anywhere with him either, he gets pissy and picks a huge fight with her if she tries to say anything about his behavior. He. Is. An. ASS.)

I'd be pissed at your SD and SIL, but I'd cut your DH a break on this. He asked you to go FOR HIM, not for SD and SIL, and that's what you did. Ignore the bitches.

You're right StepAside...and

You're right StepAside...and that is my biggest issue with it all I think - that my DH can't grow some balls and address it with them. He doesn't have to make a big confrontation either, a simple statement to them that I'm his wife, he chose to be with me, they don't have to like it but if they can't show common decency, especially when they've received that from me, then don't bother inviting him to any events any longer either

That would stop it I think. They do this because they need to be the centre of attention and simply just can't accept that DH can love his wife, make their marriage a priority, and that is exactly the way it should be

If the tables were turned and they feared that their lousy behavior would result and DH walking out of the their life, perhaps they would think twice

Sadly, they know how much DH fears them walking out of his life if they don't get what they want so they push this. And DH behaves in exactly the way they want, by enabling it

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More of the same from DH's sister and daughter