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And I was right about DH's eldest daughter

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Sun, 01/05/2014 - 3:55pm

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Adult Stepchildren

I figured over Christmas when DH's eldest seemed to actually be civil and somewhat respectful to me that it was just an act. Probably because YSD was around and I'm obviously closer to her, or maybe because of the fiasco between DH's eldest and her horrific relationship with BM's SO

Well, I was right

Just an act

Today we were at a get together for SGS's birthday party. DH and I were the only 'family' to attend other than SSIL's mother. Their friends were there (all SSIL's I believe) but BM wasn't there, nor FIL or DH's sister. DH's daughter didn't say hello to me. When a picture was being taken of DH and I and little SGS was right there so I suggested him joining us, DH's daughter made sure to tell SGS to go have his picture taken with Grandpa...no mention of Grandma Disillusioned although I was right beside DH. And the best was when we were leaving and DH calls his daughter over to say good-bye. She says good-bye to DH and chats for a bit. Not once looking in my direction (I was right beside DH) nor one word of good-bye to me

Well, works two ways. I also said not one word to her

The nice thing is when SGS gave DH a hug good-bye he said 'and Grandma Disillusioned' and gave me a hug too. Such a little sweetheart this child is! Smile

SSIL is also great. As it was his birthday too he opened his gift from DH and I have gave me a great big hug and thank you, and shook DH's hand.

Before this SSIL had been over chatting with DH and I and DH's daughter ripped into him a little, calling him over to where she was. SSIL ripped into her right back, explaining that he had been talking to us.

Glad SSIL is a nice guy, and probably one of the reason SGS is such a sweetheart with me too. Makes up for some of DH's daughter's nastiness.

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sun, 01/05/2014 - 4:13pm

So her own husband can see her for what she is. Must be a bit validating for you. It is so sad though, when there is a sweet child involved. Hopefully SSIL will ensure SD's hatefulness will not be transferred to the child.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sun, 01/05/2014 - 7:42pm

The pearls ARE still in the family. You just can't get your hands on them.

Who the hell GIVES someone a gift on their wedding day and tells them they want the gift back if the marriage doesn't last????

Why do all of your issues seem to focus on other people's money and material items? It's like you're hell bent on proving that SMs are gold diggers.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sun, 01/05/2014 - 8:09pm

I think it was appropriate for the pearls to be given to his daughter. It would be weird for BM to keep them. It would be super weird for second wife to wear the pearls first wife wore during her marriage to DH. Giving them to his daughter was a really nice gesture.

And the other poster is right... if GM GAVE them to BM, they are BM's to pass on, not DH's.

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Mon, 01/06/2014 - 12:06pm

Thanks StepAside....you hit the nail on the head about limits of acceptance, well said. Yes this is exactly the lesson learned in all of this. My YSD was always sort of up and down with me, but never to the extremes of DH`s eldest daughter. And as YSD has grown into an adult she has been so careful to be the absolute opposite of DH`s eldest daughter...so appreciative, nice, loving, affectionate etc... that I really began to believe we were truly developing that warm, trusting, loving relationship so many decent step-parents try to achieve with their skids

I won`t say we don`t have that as we do....but no not the level I had thought. You are so right about there being limits and I had not yet realized what her limits were

Your SM sounds absolutely awful on a whole lot of levels and no worries...I didn`t think you were comparing me to her Biggrin Perhaps maybe with me trying too hard yes, but I wholeheartedly agree no SM will build strong relationships with their skids without trust - knowing their SM truly has their best interests at heart

I had a much different relationship with my SF than you have with your SM. I knew I was loved, that I was one of `his girls` and I knew he was sincerely proud of me, and wanted the best for me. I learned a lot from him in what not to do and of course what sometimes works when it came to us, his own skids and I certainly asked him for advice from time to time with mine. When I would complain on occasion about my frustrations with my skids, my SF was the first to chuckle, get that look in his eyes, and jokingly remind me of the very same things I myself once did...this has helped me to keep my expectations in check, but clearly even then it is sooooo hard Sad

I totally agree that as long as we can all be nice in each other`s presence it`s sometimes sadly the best we can get, but certainly far better than most SM`s do have