SIL, OSD and BM at their absolute worst this weekend!
Further to my last post, about DH & declining to participate in the birthday dinner to be held for FIL, which included BM (following the Baptism event for SGD) well, SGD's Baptism event was this weekend, and SIL, OSD and BM were at their worst! They treated DH & I like utter garbage!
The nonsense started right from the beginning, in the Church 
with BM, but the real horrific problems started once we all got back to OSD's home
From the moment DH & I walked in, and went in to the kitchen which is where everyone gathers at OSD's (they have a massively big island in the kitchen and it's naturally where all the guests linger) BM walked right up and planted herself right beside DH & I. And immediately following was SIL. And then they immediately started laughing, talking, carrying on as loud has possible - and of course acting like DH & I weren't standing there. Completely ignoring us. Which was fine with us!
We continued to quietly chat and pay no attention, when I asked DH if he had noticed the dining room when he came in and how lovely it looked with the beautiful pink flowery cake and decorations. He said no, but let's go for a stroll 
So we walk in to the dining room (totally relieved to be away from the cackling over-zealous happiness SIL had to see BM and be with her) but when we walked in the dining room OSD and YSD were there, looking over the same things we had come to see. So DH says he would like a picture of the room, cake, etc... and I joke about how about your daughters too (YSD is only home once or twice a year so rare to get pictures of them together these days) and DH says yes, he would love a picture and then says Disillusioned you be in the picture too
Before I had a chance to protest, OSD starts to walk away (I knew there was no way she would willingly pose in any picture next to me) so DH nicely says OSD where are you going, come be in the picture with your sister and Disillusioned
Now I knew at this point she was going to explode, I could feel it coming, and wasn't disappointed! She lost it. She shouted "No!" "No, I'm NOT going to be in the picture, unless you ask me NICELY!" and then she stomped away, absolutely furious
Of course DH had asked her nicely so it wasn't that she was angry about. She was furious he would dare to ask her to pose in a picture with me. There was no way she would submit to that.
Whatever
YSD immediately reacted and said "Can't we all just get along?!" "Can't people just try to be NICE?!"
DH muttered something about don't get him started, welcome to his world. And I just changed the subject by saying you look lovely, let's get a picture, and she responded that I looked fabulous and loved my dress and yes let's do a picture.
So we come out of the dining room after that, BM and SIL are planted in a spot that they could see us come out. They're still chatting it up and carrying on like the best of friends. I was dreading going back into the kitchen when just at that moment one of the guests that I had spent time talking with at the last Baptism (for SGS's) came up to me with a big Hi! How are you! And away we went, catching up from the last time. DH starting talking with the gentleman beside him. And all was good
And then, after some time has passed, I look up and who is literally glued to me? You guessed it. BM and SIL. Literally watching every move. Scowls on their faces. Staring at me as they talked to each other. Clearly I was the topic of their talk.
Seriously - they so need a life!
This lady is SSIL's Aunt, super nice lady, but the looks on SIL and BM's faces....like they seemed to think who did I think I was chatting with her?
Please! They I noticed talked to pretty much no one, other than each other all night. DH & I talked to a whole bunch of people, together, separately. We simply wanted to make the best of the afternoon, talk with the other guests, and isn't that the normal thing to do.
Apparently not for me. Guess I was just supposed to stand their and be upset about being excluded by SIL and BM. Boo hoo they don't like me. Right.
We were relieved regardless, when SSIL announced the food was ready and everyone lined up. DH & I got in line, but BM and SIL remained planted right at the end of the room - where everyone in the room faced while in line - laughing, chatting, making a big show of what great friends they are.
DH was disgusted at this point and made sure that I knew it, but I'm beyond getting hurt about it. They're behavior speaks volumes about them, and mine about me. I just simply wish to avoid being anywhere near them. Big surprise that DH & I didn't want to hang around for the the birthday dinner for FIL after - which of course would include BM!
DH & I got to visit with YSD though which I actually really enjoyed, and we got to meet little SGD (her baby) for the first time.
SIL cut in to our conversation and would talk to only YSD...uncomfortable when YSD was now talking to all of us. I decided just to be the class and speak to all when participating, but SIL would not so much as look at me, literally completely ignored anything I said, and continued to talk directly to YSD. So, I gave up and did the same. Clearly it was what SIL wanted, so have it your way SIL!
When we left to go home the only two people that said good-bye in DH's family was YSD, and FIL. BM turned to stare at us as we said good-bye, but just as we turned to say good-bye to her as well (because we're not rude) she rudely turned away.
OSD refused to say anything at all. DH finally said directly "Good-bye OSD" and she said "Bye" with her back to him as she walked away. She completely ignored me. Literally almost knocked me over as she stormed past me while I was putting my shoes on!
SIL was standing beside FIL when I said good-bye to him. She was completely silent. So again, I showed the maturity by saying "Bye SIL" to which I got nothing but a snarky look
Guess it was SIL, BM, and OSD's way of sticking it to us, for declining to sit down with BM, to a family dinner at DH's family
Hmmmm, any reason we would WANT to do that?!
Seriously! .....Again, their behaviour speaks volumes about who they are.
I would rather come off with class, maturity, and lack of drama then make an ass of myself!
I hope this was the
I hope this was the absolutely last DH family event you will ever attend, I hope DH never goes as well, I mean does he like being punished like this?
YSD can always come to your house, cause she's the nice one, but that would be the only contact I will ever have with that family and if FIL is nice, DH can always collect him to celebrate anything even if it's a day before or after the real event.
I agree with this 100%. That
I agree with this 100%. That is the conclusion I came too about a year or so ago, and I feel comfortable with it. Plan on using it here on out. That decision is that I will only attend events with SKs that I feel up to or comfortable with. For now, SKs are okay whenever their BM isn't around. In the future, I may wind up going to less and less, who knows. The key is, it is solely up to me which events I will attend. And, DH can attend whichever events he wants to attend, with me or solo. The choice is his.
If I had a SIL that decided to play games along with BM and OSD, then that would go for her as well. I would not attend anything to do with her, unless I personally felt okay with it. The point is, you don't have to go anywhere where you feel you will be treated little better than cattle fodder. The choice is yours. Have a long talk with your DH, if you haven't already, and explain that the divorce and any fallout from it is his issue and you are fine supporting him from the sidelines, but you don't have to attend family event after family event and be treated like shiatsu just for his sake, AND, just like my DH, it sounds like your husband doesn't really care for these events himself anyway. Yet, a dad does have more obligations than a SM, and that is okay. He can decide if he wants to attend solo or not.
I look at it as my decision to attend and my DH's decision to attend are separate. At first, my DH tried to threaten me with, "I won't go if you don't go." Yeah, like that was a threat! I simply said, "I'm not going, and whatever decision you make it's up to you." That's it. I didn't belabor the issue. I know eventually this will include GSK events too.
Some people say, this is what the SKs want, and that may be true. What they want is for you to be out of their lives; however, even adult SKs forget that SM and dad are husband and wife, and most husbands do not want to attend events without their wives, and yes, that may even include events involving their own children or grand-children. I'm sure my DH will go to some events alone, and I'm fine with that. But there will be many events he will not want to attend without me, and that is his choice too. Even if he does go alone, he won't stay long. People get married for a reason and very few people want to attend events where they feel their spouse is not wanted or will be made fun of.
Very good poins Idvilen, and
Very good poins Idvilen, and good for you for making that call in your own situation. It's a delicate thing and different for everyone, but we SM's eventually learn to be pros at outsmarting people at their own games
Yes Acratopotes, we're
Yes Acratopotes, we're thinking we will start leaving as early as possible, or skipping out altogether when we can.
As I always say, sometimes you just have to give people exactly what they "say" they want
If SIL and OSD are so bent on using these occasions to be asses and try to alienate us, the more we'll follow their lead and stay far, far away!
It sounds like the ladies
It sounds like the ladies were a bit worse than usual, but than you already knew OSD was on one of her rolls. She's been rolling for a few weeks...I'm sure she took great glee to have DH and you in person to dish out her 'punishment' for, I don't know, breathing?
I very glad to hear YSD was welcoming and her usual kind accepting self. And getting to oh and ah over step-granddaughter and all that pink (the other Grands are boys, IIRC). The actual guest (not counting demon trio) were pleasant and enjoyable to social with for an afternoon. So it all really sounds about like what you expected it to be.
I have no advice nor suggestions to give on those ladies. They are determined to be dysfunctional and nasty and do not seem to care if they have an audience. Hmmm, maybe having an audience feeds their desire to act out. Drama queens that they are. I mean, come on, how childish to act like a bunch of catty nine year olds, bristling around in pouts of anger and giggling and yakking it up loudly from the sideline. Talk about a 'oh, look at me' stunt.
I know you and DH are desirous of still attending the grandchildren events and are willing to put up with the evil trio (SIL, OSD and BM) for those times like the grandkid's birthday and special child celebrations ...and you and Dh did that for yesterday's baptism and after-party. You staying home and Dh going alone I really don't think would make any difference. SIL and OSD can be nasty to him. I don't think OSD and SIL' s problems have much to do with you specifically. But you both are sticking to your guns on the unnecessary participation such as leaving before the FIL birthday celebration. By having FIL to your home the evening before the aging gentleman knows you and DH love and care about him and were happy to celebrate his occasion (birthday).
Actually had the FIL dinner been at SIL's or FIL's house and even if BM had not been invited and attended the family dinner, OSD and SIL would have still misbehaved, played their games ...it's what they do. They don't need BM present to carry on their nasty selves. The dinner and relaxation in your own home the evening before with FIL was probably much more pleasant and enjoyable for FIL, DH and you.
I would not the ladies run me off from celebrating with the grandkids and long as the events continue to allow you and DH to enjoy the real guest and the person being celebrated. You know the grandkids want you there and enjoy spending time with Grandpa and you and so far OSD has not been successful in turning the children against Grandpa and you. But that's just me. The ladies are the one's making a spectacle of themselves and the ones the guest surely must be thinking 'WTH ?' , I wouldn't be surprised to hear SSIL's family is embarrassed to pieces by SIL, BM and OSD, but they are kind of in the same type boat you and DH are. If they want to participate for their son and their grandchildren, they have to put up with a bit of the drama ladies. Those ladies most have looked pretty silly standing in their little group hee-hawing and trying to gather attention. Pretty sad show, actually when you stop to think about it. I'm sure you and DH are not the only ones noticing and being made uncomfortable or embarrassed by the unfortunate 'entertainment' they provide.
Twoviewpoints you really are
Twoviewpoints you really are dead on about summing things up, as usual!
Yes, SIL, OSD and BM were definitely worse than usual, yes OSD has been this way for weeks now and absolutely I guarantee she enjoyed dishing it out in person
While we really don't want to miss out seeing the grandchildren, we're also thinking of reducing our exposure to SIL and OSD over the next little while, where we can, and yes that will be difficult as we don't want to miss out on events for the sgkids
One easy way to avoid them big time this year, is to fly out West at Christmas and spend it instead with YSD and her family
No one should be able to have any reason to be angry at that one, as DH says, he has two daughters and this year he wants to spend it with YSD instead
So, we're thinking of going by OSD's place a week or so before Christmas to drop off gifts for the sgkids. Stay literally for no more than an hour, and leave
Then SIL and OSD can spend their whole holiday with BM and even drag FIL there with them, but somehow I don't think that's going to make them very happy since they won't have us there to 'punish'
Funny thing is, they called off the birthday dinner for FIL on the weekend.
Once DH & I decided we were taking FIL out for his birthday the evening before, then everyone decided to do separate things with him too :?
And FIL has been loving it!
Lots of outings and activities for him all week, rather than one nasty dinner get together at OSD's
But I also think that's why they were worse than usual at the Baptism event - making sure they stuck it to us for every moment we were all in the same space!
They called off the event for
They called off the event for the FIL dinner because their stage was gone with you and DH not in attendance. And it was not going to be fun anymore for them. And you are likely correct that they had to use the baptism event to get their digs in since that was now their only opportunity. Glad that worked out for you and that FIL was happy with the outcome.
Thanks Sacrificial....that's
Thanks Sacrificial....that's sort of what I was thinking too