My Life In Hell...cont.d Sooooo..."dad's" dtr has been out of the house for a couple years....she moved in with another relative, but she started the same thing with that person--up all night vacuuming, taking stuff and lasting at a couple jobs--maybe a week or two. Then she went to bm's--that lasted 9 months and dtr. left and moved in with another relative for a few months. She has worked a job maybe 6 weeks in the past 2 years. She did get her GED and decided to go to college---supposively it is paid for by "grants, etc" I did forget to say that she got 8-9 traffic tickets and no longer has a drivers license. So, dad picks her up and brings her to the home for all the holidays. Sometimes she would bring a bf for the weekend--(the other relatives would not allow that in their homes but dad does!!) She started not speaking to me last year---unless I said I was going to take my son out to do something--then she'd want to go--I'd take her, and everything would be great--then she'd turn into a bitch again after the fun ended. I gave her some of my expensive boots that I was going to give to charity--because she wanted them. I bought her some nice things--make-up, etc..for Christmas. What do I get? A card that says, "I used to use all of your nailpolish so here's a payback." My son gets a card saying, "Merry Christmas Brat". I have TRIED and TRIED to be nice but I'm a nervous wreck when she is around. I have proof that she "helps herself to my things when she is in the house by herself and dad won't put a lock on the bedroom door. I have to hide my nice things. :? "Dad" tries to "keep everyone happy and look the other direction." Basically, she runs the house when she is around. Why do I stay? Well...I have a fantastic job with great ppl whom I work with and my son is doing well and I have him in a variety of clubs with positive ppl.--(he's in counseling --actually the counselor helps me too because of the household craziness when she is around).

His "dtr" is living an hour away now and going to college. (She takes art classes and gym--changes her mind about what she wants to be---this month she wants to be an actress--which she is good at!! Hahahahaha) Dad pays her rent and somehow she gets money from the state for school--which pays for her schooling--somehow she got a check for a couple grand from the state in which she is working on spending every last dime of that on her obsession for clothes, bags, makeup, shoes--you get the idea. My problem is when she comes to "visit"--which, thank god is not often--but enough to frazzle my nerves. She does not physically nor verbally threaten me anymore......just doesn't talk to me and stares at me. The other odd thing is that I swear to god...she is trying to look like me!!! She went out and got hair extensions and does her hair like mine!! She tried dying it blonde -my hair is blonde....(she's been dying her brown hair black for 5 years)--and found out she can't--hee hee hee. "Dad" told me that she is bi-polar and was suppose to be on meds but she refused and would not keep seeing a counselor when she was in her teens. He has and never had any control over her. Now she is an adult. As far as me and "Dad"....we actually get along great when she is not around. I know that she is his dtr. and she will always be around....until she gets a nice chunk of money in the next few years from a settlement. My guess is that she will spend it all and then come crawling with her manipulative behavior and living off of dad for the rest of her life. All I can say is, if her dad becomes ill, she can take care of him, because if something happens to him, you better believe she'll have our (my son and I) bags thrown out in the street.

You know, part of me feels bad for her---one of the reasons I've still tried to "incorporate all of us as some sort of family". I "guess" she has psych problems. I don't know what to believe anymore because she is so nasty to me. She doesn't swear at dad anymore --my guess is that he is the one handling out the rent money so she knows better. I got into it with her when she was leaving after Christmas because she kept calling my son a brat every 10 minutes. I didn't yell, but told her that I thought she was a little old to be calling a child names at her age. That turned into her screaming at me and telling me that the only reason my son is in counseling because "You fucked him up!!" I told the counselor this and she said I should have replied, "No.. it's because he was exposed to a person like you."

All I can say is, "thank god I am not married". He proposed to me a year before I moved, and he still brings " getting married" up, but I have gotten to the point of just smiling, laughing for a sec, and not answer him. My biggest complaint with him has been, " why didn't you tell me she hated me? I never would have moved here." I left a job of 20 years for this. ( I still own a house, but rent it out). His answer has been, " well, I thought you two got along." Now I know why he did not move to my residence... I would have thrown both of them out the first time she was allowed to scream and curse at him. See, this is NOT my house--it is his. ( she also used to make it clear that it is hers as well-- just like she tells him his money is hers). He tells me his dtr is a bitch and is just like her mother-- and I know he has told her and warned her about her behavior, but she will do any little conniving thing to get to me. And if she can't ( I keep a happy face on), then she will start in on my son-- because she knows I will say something and then after she calls me all sorts of things, she hides behind dad and complains that I started it. ( like a 2 year old in a 20 yo body). She is 5'1 and I am 5'8" so there is no concern of her ever hurting me. I have already warned dad that if she puts her hands on me again, I will either call the police and have her arrested, or defend myself physically first -- which means she's going to get hurt--and then have her arrested. I never like Jerry Springer and I certainly don't live like that. Why am I here and not back in my own home? Well, I can move back at anytime... But, I will not be around to get my son off to his clubs, etc. He will get stuck being in the house by himself and leaving a tween in a house for hours while I work is not a good thing. At least here, even when I am working, the bf takes him to his extracurricular activities. Plus he has a fantastic counselor here who works with us. I have a great boss here and make pretty good money-- which I am able to save, soooo, if i no longer can stand anymore of his/her crap, I can leave at anytime. I'm not thrilled about moving my son back and forth--- he knows her behavior is not good-- so that is a plus.... and he grew taller and weighs more than her.

Now for the positives through all of this. 1st I recognize that it " is not me" she hates. The bf's relatives told me that she hates "everyone". I made a HUGE mistake thinking I could "fix" their dysfunctional dynamics -- again, I was "left in the dark" by both of them. I got the bf's number-- he will tell me what a bitch his dtr is, how she calls him at his job 50 times a day or texts him about nothing. Then, when she is around, he turns into this smitten dad. She considers herself the princess. Little does she know but her dad is broke all the time and gives her his last dime over paying his bills, so he has crappy credit. She thinks he's loaded, and that I do not do as good as him. ( that is because I don't run out and give my son everything he wants). Like I said, and I've told him this as well, " you are going to lose me, and heaven help you if you become ill, because as long as she is allowed to "play her games with our lives, then she can have ALL of you to herself -- which means taking care of you physically and financially" if you are too sick to work and pay your bills." I've seen families where the stepparent taking care of the stepkid's parent gets treated like crap during a serious illness. And I have told him to keep her away from my son and I-- she is toxic. Hell, I've even offered to pay for a hotel for her when she visits. That way she and her dad can go out and spend time together. I have offered to pay for counseling for all of us to go and I was told "no".... No one can say I haven't tried.

Well, there was a commitment when I moved. Like I said, we had a fantastic relationship even for the first 3 months, before the " truth" appeared with all the screaming and "temper tantrums" about everything. He would get upset with her and the two of them would get into screaming matches. He would tell her "no" and within a couple hours, she would get what she wanted anyway. She would yell and say that I came there to "take away her dad from her and get her out of the house". (Mind you, this is coming from a girl who spent her time watching Dr. Phil, etc... Instead of going to school. ). I do believe the BM has a lot to do with her perception of me as I said earlier that she started spending a lot of time with BM when I moved in. BM and Dad do not speak to each other. At the present time, thank god I only see her ever few months for a few days. I am convinced she just does things to get me upset---she plays "games" to try and get a reaction from me. She gives dad cards telling him how "wonderful" he is because he does everything for her and allows her to try different things". Yep, she keeps the ATM wrapped around her finger. I just try and focus on " me and my son". If I get wrapped up with her games, then I become miserable. I am working on ME at this time and working on stress reduction. One of my biggest fears is becoming ill over her crap, that I cannot take care of my son. All of her visits are not all terrible, but the majority are. If we are visiting their relatives, she puts on the smile and charm and "plays" the family role. You'd never guess the young woman can go from Crazy to Charm within a blink of an eye.