I'm new here and have read through a few of the posts re: the SMS not liking the young ( as in younger than teenage years) especially the SMS that deal with bms in the picture. At least with the young ones, you have a chance at developing a good relationship with them. Meaning, I don't think it matters what the child brings back to your home after being with a toxic BM, as the child gets older, they will know who is nice, and who is the miserable. A child doesn't need to be bought-- quality positive non negative time ( meaning no bad talking about the BM in front of them) is the key. Family counseling isn't a bad idea either if you are really struggling. It takes two -- dad and sm to make it work out. If that isn't happening, move on-- especially if you are young!!! Too many fish in the sea and life is too short to stay unhappy. I don't stand a chance with my relationship. I've offered to pay for counseling for all of us and it has been turned down by the dad. His dtr is too old and set in her own miserable ways. All I can do is stay disengaged and take care of me and my son. I'm at least lucky in the fact that I don't need a man in my life. Someone wrote in another one of my posts that me and bf live seperate lives and I thought about that and it is true, we live in the same house -- his-- and that's about as far as it goes. I am now focusing on me and doing healthy things for myself instead of stressing myself over, " oh god, when is she going to show up next?" I don't care anymore. No one can make me miserable unless I allow it and she isn't worth it.