Questions about My Boyfriend's Parenting Skills
Hi Everyone,
I'm brand spanking new here, and also have never dated someone with kids until my most recent boyfriend. We've been together for almost a year now.
I am not used to kids or dealing with them so everything is brand new to me and scary at the same time.
His daughters were over for the weekend one time and he spanked them for almost an hour for "talking back" They weren't even being that bad or disruptive.
He broke both plastic spatulas he used on them as paddles. I thought that was really strange. I understand a few swats or telling a kid to go in the corner for time out...but breaking the spatulas? That's INSANE to me!! Maybe they were just the cheap kind?
He told the girls to stand with and I quote " To stand there with their legs spread" Then he proceeded to spank them, asking if they were still going to talk back. When they didn't give him an answer, he just kept on spanking them. They were fully clothed...BUT STILL!!! THAT is NOT something you say to a kid right???
He's very defensive when I talk about the kids or his parenting...and will say He and his ex do a very good job of raising them. He glorifies his ex.....Which I also think is weird!!
I want to like these kids and the ex but the whole thing is strange to me. I was nice to the ex when she dropped off the kids for me to watch them the first time....and she did not even acknowledge my presence...didn't say hello or anything! What is up with that?
Also, these kids like to sleep in the same bed with their dad and I think they are too old for that. (11 and 12) When they are over, he doesn't want to sleep in the bed with me, just them. He says it's inappropriate for him and I to sleep in the bed together when they are around, so he and I sleep in separate beds.
Why cant those kids sleep in their own beds?
When I first got with him he didn't want to kiss me or hold my hand, even hug me in front of his kids....He told them I was the babysitter!! I told him how much this hurt me and he changed and started being a little more affectionate toward me when they are around.
So am I strange that I think this is all weird?? Or is this all normal???
Why are you still with him??
Why are you still with him?? ???
What you described is child abuse. Get away from him. And please report him to the authorities. Someone has to step in and protect those girls.
OMG, those girls are being
OMG, those girls are being abused not only physically, but mentally. DisneyFan is right, get out and call the authorities on him. I don't know how old you are, but if you can't imagine having children with this man because of this behavior, you know something is very wrong here.
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Thank you.....We live in
Thank you.....We live in Western Germany where it is hard to prove this sort of thing with out any hard evidence. I could try taping him to admit he did this though!
Wait So you're going to wait
Wait
So you're going to wait for him to beat them again, tape it, then confront him??
You know what you saw and you know it's wrong.
That's not what I wrote. I
That's not what I wrote. I wrote that I could try taping him ADMITTING to what he did...not waiting for him to do it again.
Leaving this guy today....I'm
Leaving this guy today....I'm just going to look for a guy with no kids.....that would make everything far easier....I am just not used to kids or parents anyway.
I'll do everything on my end
I'll do everything on my end to help the kids.....It will be very hard to prove....especially since he and his ex have such a fantastic relationship.
Do call the child services
Do call the child services even if you are leaving. I'm assuming it will result in some sort of response and that may make him ease up. "spread your legs" comment put me back a lot - I'm really worried about this guy - is there something sexual about all of this?
Anyway tell what you saw and let the police do what they will. By all means find a childless boyfriend after all who needs all the drama?
Yeah, I thought that was the
Yeah, I thought that was the weirdest part....I thought "Is this just what parents say so they can make sure the kid doesn't move while spanking them?" Then I thought NO WAY!!
It FELT extremely weird to HEAR that though!! I had this sick feeling in my gut. I will call them before I leave, but the ex will stand up for him...I know that without a shadow of a doubt.
If the ex was a non factor,
If the ex was a non factor, it would be far easier to prove. In Western Germany you need hard evidence. I just called them and they are going to investigate, but they even said they will talk to the ex and the kids.
The fact that in the moment
The fact that in the moment you didn't think it was bad enough to stop him from doing it is going to weigh on how seriously the authorities take it. Why should they take action if you didn't at that moment?
I would still call it in. It may be worse than you know and you want to put someone on the case. Glad you are leaving him.
Want to add, I probably wouldn't have done anything in the moment, either, but we need to put things in perspective.
Yeah I did call them....They
Yeah I did call them....They seem like they really want to talk to the kids and the ex. The only trouble is, it seems like the ex and him are like best friends. Hopefully, they talk to the kids before they talk to the ex. I am leaving him today, I refuse to become one of those women who just puts a blindfold on to what's really going on.