21 year old ss is so lazy

Forums:

My husband and I have a great relationship. We have been together
for 7 years and married for 4. I have a BD 16 and a SS 21, SD 16 and
SD 12. My issue is with my SS, he has lived with us for 6 years (husband
and SS moved into my home). My SS and I always got along well and
he was a pretty easy kid to raise. He has had an up and down relationship
with his BM and they had a major falling out and haven't spoken for
over 2 years. I feel really bad for him as he has truly been ignored
by his BM for years. Over the last year things have changed. He has
a negative attitude about everything, is a total know it all and is
the laziest person I have ever known. He's in college and never does
Homework and when asked he says all his courses are super easy,
funny that he failed a course and had a C average in the others, easy
my ass! He spends all day and night playing video games or on his
Laptop goofing off, never any work. He has a part time job, which he
rarely gets a shift ( I wonder why). I'm sick of him doing nothing, I own
my own business and work really hard and then I come home to a mess
and SS is sleeping or playing video games. He has no ambition of
any kind and I'm truly worried for him in the future. I've asked my husband
to have a man to man talk with him 2 weeks ago and he still has not
done it. Would love any advice anyone has to offer.

If he's attending full time

If he's attending full time my tendency is to let a kid stay at home rent free. If its part time then part time rent is due and of course if they're not in school then they pay the full time "room for rent" rate for your area. Rarely that's under $300.
Does he have assigned chores daily or weekly? I'd be tempted to tell him directly that if he's not doing his share he should look for another place to live at the end of the current school year. One week after school ends he's to be out and the room available to rent or one of the girls can move in if they're doubled up in another room. If that's not the case you can always use a sewing room or a office for your business.
He's an adult living in your home and has been since high school graduation. You have the right to go to him and give him a "talking to" that Daddy won't give. You have the right to choose who lives under a roof you've provided even if Daddy is sharing expenses its still half yours and you have veto power over who lives there as does Daddy.
What he does in his room is his business but since your husband is incapable of acting the part of landlord here then you must. It's either participate in the chores or out you go.
As for his school work he's an adult now and you're not going to change him. I'd stay out of that part of his life. Somebody has to dig the ditches in our world and although he may not end up that low on the economic scale it's now up to him not you.

Thanks so much for your

Thanks so much for your comments

Sometimes a change like that

Sometimes a change like that can be due to using "self medication", perhaps brought on by the stress of college and the expectation of taking on responsibility. Using weed in particular can cause a person to not care and be lazy, just sayin'. You may have to dig a little deeper as to the cause of this. His behavior is a symptom of something since it is a change in behavior over the last year.

Oh, we know he is a pot head

Oh, we know he is a pot head has been since about
17. But always got great grades in high school.
We don't condone pot smoking at all but we can't
control what he does outside the house with friends.
The biggest issue for me is he total lack of help
Around the house, his poor attitude and his
Fathers inability to have a solid conversation
Man to man. I think my husband feels sorry for
Him because of the BMs actions, but frankly I'm
sick of being the one holding the short end of the
stick. Thanks for your feedback!

Tell him that if he is to

Tell him that if he is to continue to reside in your marrital home he does not smoke dope, he gets Cs or better in all classes and he contributes by cleaning and picking up as directed. Failure to engage in any of these actions without attitude will result in immediate removal from the home and if drugs are involved it will be in the back of a police cruiser. If he refuses to show his grades at the end of the semester, out.

To increase the consequences reset the WiFi password every day. If he does his household duties he gets the PW. If not ... no PW that day or any other day until he catches up then stays on top of his contribution to the home. He is an adult. Treat him as one.

Pretty simple. He steps up or he steps out.

My parents had the much the same criteria for me to live at home for two years during my mid college phase and then to have access to their support during my later college phase. Smoking weed was not an issue for me since I did and don't use it. The parents were more interested in my academic performance and my not interfering in the relative level of bliss in the home. My younger brother was at home and it was his turn to be in his teens. I had already had my period as a teen and they would not tolerate me detracting from my younger brother's turn.

You have three younger kids in the home who have a right to their turn as 16 and 12yos. SS-21 should not be allowed to take away from the experience of the younger kids in the home.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Love the password idea!! He

Love the password idea!! He may have a heart
attack without the internet! Lol I would love to tell him
To step up or get out unfortunately his BD would
Never kick out prince SS, his first born, only male
child! He has no relationship with BM and works
about 8 hours a week. Living on his own may not
be an option, Daddy would never let it happen
and he knows it! Thanks so much for the advice!