EOW when my Step daughter is at her BM's I send my DD6 to my Moms house for the night. I get a whole night alone with DH. Sometimes we don't even go out to eat. Just stay in and enjoy ourselves.
We also have Sunday Fundays. After the girls go to bed on Sunday nights we sneak into our room, turn the lights off, and put on some low music. wink wink.
We meet for lunch, we take days off work when the kids are in school to catch a movie.
We put the skids (SD8, SS7 that we have 100% of the time for 2x years) to bed at 7:30 PM and watch our TV shows together or talk about a book we are reading together (this is crucial to our relationship, basically the only alone time is after the kids go to bed).
We attend church together that has childcare, we drive to work together to have a change to talk, if we don't meet for lunch my DH will call me, or call me on the ride home if we have not driven together. We take showers together, walk the dog together, cook together, fold clothes together, clean the house together, do homework next to each other, listen to music together.
Basically anything we can do to spend time together. This REALLY has helped us, it has put the focus back on our marriage and friendship. Also, it has reduced the resentment that can build when one spouse does all or most of the work in the house. The skids are there 100% and we don't get a chance to go on dates all the time because we are military and do not have family or a babysitter that we can trust so basically we spend as much time together at the house and outside together.
this is very helpful we also have SS8 100% of the time. Biomom is off in an unfortunate crazyland frockling somewhere on drugs.
Thank you! Do you find it was hard for your SO to not overcompensate for time he/she spent with you with his/her kids?
Like did they spend a night with you then overcompensate for time "they took away from their children"? if so how did you guys fix this? overcome it?
Not sure if what I'm saying makes sense so here's an example: if you and SO spend a datenight out away from kids does SO then try to spend twice as much time after with kids? That for me has been really frustrating. It's not as bad as it was in the beginning but we have a datenight planned for Friday and it seems the rest of this week has been and is expected to only be about SS8. Which is very discouraging and frustrating.
You're welcome He doesn't over compensate (much) because the rest of our time we ARE spending it with the kids. We eat dinner together every night, make pancakes on the weekend together, go to boy scouts, ballet, hockey games, soccer games, watch TV shows together... BUT when it is time for the kids to go to bed, it is time for them to go to bed. Period. We as a married couple NEED that time. He was also witness to his parents marriage falling apart because everything WAS about the kids so I think that was an eye opening experience.
Also, my skids have been with us for SO LONG with their mother being across the country that we have been able to mesh a little better then (from what I have read) people who's husband only has very limited time with their kids. I can easily understand the Disney dad phenomenon because as infuriating as I am sure it would be, if a parent only sees their kid for 4 days a month, they would feel guilty.
Our situation just worked out that their bio mom is a horrible human being. We got married 4 years ago and have only not had the kids for a total of 4 months. She gave them to my DH with NO FIGHT when they were 3 and 4!! What mother does that?! We have been over 2 years now without even a visit, AND she just got pregnant and married again.
We never have a time without kids. And by the time the kids are in bed, we are just as exhausted. We work separate schedules and have SD every weekend, Friday to Sunday. We really need our time, but never get it.
I totally understand we have SS8 100% of the time. We've tried to a routine of this:
Tuesday night after dinner SO and SS8 read a book together til bedtime = more one on one time that the norm and something that can we can count on
in return on Thursday night SS8 after dinner reads to himself alone starting at 7 and puts himself to bed so that way our alone time starts an hour earlier.
so far too many snow days to tell if this is gonna work but it's nice to have a time to kind of count on and look forward to
Try this...my hubby thought it was awesome. I texted him after work one day and told him I was wearing a low cut dress and high heels and was heading to a local wine bar. He could meet me there for a glass of wine if he was so inclined. He was.
Even after marriage or in long term relationships, you still need to court each other. Date nights are so important. My DH and I also stick to a set bedtime with SS, so that we get time together in the evening alone to talk, watch TV, snuggle, break out a treat we were hiding from SS, etc.
My in-laws are awesome and will take SS for a night or weekend also. You HAVE to make time for your SO/DH in order for your relationship to thrive. When the kids are grown and gone - you only each other.
My DH is quite relunctant about spending time but I know weekly date nights and frequent sex throughout the floorplan (when the kids are gone of course) of our home keeps things alive. Some marraige psychologist said spending at least 15 hours a week together doing something enjoyable keeps the flames going.
Perhaps if I sledge hammer DH's gaming computer and playstation he'd be more willing. }:)
The marriage comes first for both my bride and I. All of the time. The kid was our primary responsibility when he was a kid but the marriage is the priority.
A passionate kiss in the hallway, a butt grab in the kitchen, bringing her home flowers on random days just because, meeting for lunch on a work day, cooking her breakfast on the weekends, working on a foodie meal in the kitchen together, taking advantage of the occasional kid free time, closing the door to our bedroom for a quickie whenever the spirit moves us, holding hands at Skid school and sports events, taking a weekend adventure drive on the spur of the moment together with the kid.. or not, talk about day after we put the SKid down for the night ... etc.... This is what we did to keep the passion alive during the child raising years.
Now that SS21 and a viable self supporting adult it has just gotten better. We moved across the world and are having a great adventure for the last ~1/3 of our work lives. We will celebrate our 20th anniversary this upcoming summer by renewing our vows in my amazing bride’s home town. We eloped the first time so her gift from me is the vow renewal wedding she wants with the designer dress of her choice, amazing venue and catered feast and most importantly so her dad can walk her down the aisle. He is not in good health and I feel that it is important for her to have that moment with him.
Now the kid is launched we still do the things that have evolved to be our demonstration of love for each other. About the only thing that has happened is that instead of closing the door to our bedroom for spontaneous intimacy we use the whole house and leave the doors wide open.
It does not have to be about a big effort. It is more about taking every opportunity to demonstrate your life partnership and show each other that you are the greatest gift in each other’s lives. The trying and sad times do happen. The dedication and demonstration of love and caring is what gets us through those times.
When DH is gone it is primarily about us - and sweet text missing each other. There is hardly any talk about SS or BM unless something major happens, or I ask. He will randomly send me a video telling me he loves, more of him sitting at his desk doing paperwork saying he misses me.
When he is home unless we have certain company where the kids sleep in the living room we will lay on the couch and watch a little TV, (you can see where the bathroom door is from the living room) we shower together, and always try to go to bed together even if SS is watching a movie he will shower and lay down with me for a little while to talk/cuddle and then "other" things even if he gets up to go back to watch the movie with SS, or work on something it is nice to know we try to spend that time. He also is not scared to make comments that are in a cryptic way infront of SS, or show me affection infront of SS which helps me not feel just like 3rd person as SS can be needy at times.
On our week without SS we try to plan a date night at least once to actually go out and get out of the routine.
We are also very affectionate it doesn't matter where we are DH always tries to show some type of affection rather holding my hand or being across the room and making a excuse to get up and walk by and make a kissy noise. He will send me text when him and SS are riding that he misses me when he knows it is clearly a activity that SS likes alone, and I do not care to be around.
She gets me tuned up by text and then more often than not ss12 hovers and blue balls inside. She ignoring his messing with her watching her show. No big deal I just go to a different room. If she really wants this she will come on over. Plenty fish in the sea. Aint letting them get to me. You feel.
One night out a week without
One night out a week without kids - or as often as you can afford it.
Regular kid-free date nights,
Regular kid-free date nights, definitely.
that's super cute!
that's super cute!
EOW when my Step daughter is
EOW when my Step daughter is at her BM's I send my DD6 to my Moms house for the night. I get a whole night alone with DH. Sometimes we don't even go out to eat. Just stay in and enjoy ourselves.
We also have Sunday Fundays. After the girls go to bed on Sunday nights we sneak into our room, turn the lights off, and put on some low music. wink wink.
nice!
nice!
We meet for lunch, we take
We meet for lunch, we take days off work when the kids are in school to catch a movie.
We put the skids (SD8, SS7 that we have 100% of the time for 2x years) to bed at 7:30 PM and watch our TV shows together or talk about a book we are reading together (this is crucial to our relationship, basically the only alone time is after the kids go to bed).
We attend church together that has childcare, we drive to work together to have a change to talk, if we don't meet for lunch my DH will call me, or call me on the ride home if we have not driven together. We take showers together, walk the dog together, cook together, fold clothes together, clean the house together, do homework next to each other, listen to music together.
Basically anything we can do to spend time together. This REALLY has helped us, it has put the focus back on our marriage and friendship. Also, it has reduced the resentment that can build when one spouse does all or most of the work in the house. The skids are there 100% and we don't get a chance to go on dates all the time because we are military and do not have family or a babysitter that we can trust so basically we spend as much time together at the house and outside together.
this is very helpful we also
this is very helpful we also have SS8 100% of the time. Biomom is off in an unfortunate crazyland frockling somewhere on drugs.
Thank you! Do you find it was hard for your SO to not overcompensate for time he/she spent with you with his/her kids?
Like did they spend a night with you then overcompensate for time "they took away from their children"? if so how did you guys fix this? overcome it?
Not sure if what I'm saying makes sense so here's an example: if you and SO spend a datenight out away from kids does SO then try to spend twice as much time after with kids? That for me has been really frustrating. It's not as bad as it was in the beginning but we have a datenight planned for Friday and it seems the rest of this week has been and is expected to only be about SS8. Which is very discouraging and frustrating.
You're welcome He doesn't
You're welcome
He doesn't over compensate (much) because the rest of our time we ARE spending it with the kids. We eat dinner together every night, make pancakes on the weekend together, go to boy scouts, ballet, hockey games, soccer games, watch TV shows together... BUT when it is time for the kids to go to bed, it is time for them to go to bed. Period. We as a married couple NEED that time. He was also witness to his parents marriage falling apart because everything WAS about the kids so I think that was an eye opening experience.
Also, my skids have been with us for SO LONG with their mother being across the country that we have been able to mesh a little better then (from what I have read) people who's husband only has very limited time with their kids. I can easily understand the Disney dad phenomenon because as infuriating as I am sure it would be, if a parent only sees their kid for 4 days a month, they would feel guilty.
Our situation just worked out that their bio mom is a horrible human being. We got married 4 years ago and have only not had the kids for a total of 4 months. She gave them to my DH with NO FIGHT when they were 3 and 4!! What mother does that?! We have been over 2 years now without even a visit, AND she just got pregnant and married again.
We never have a time without
We never have a time without kids. And by the time the kids are in bed, we are just as exhausted. We work separate schedules and have SD every weekend, Friday to Sunday. We really need our time, but never get it.
I totally understand we have
I totally understand we have SS8 100% of the time. We've tried to a routine of this:
Tuesday night after dinner SO and SS8 read a book together til bedtime = more one on one time that the norm and something that can we can count on
in return on Thursday night SS8 after dinner reads to himself alone starting at 7 and puts himself to bed so that way our alone time starts an hour earlier.
so far too many snow days to tell if this is gonna work but it's nice to have a time to kind of count on and look forward to
Try this...my hubby thought
Try this...my hubby thought it was awesome. I texted him after work one day and told him I was wearing a low cut dress and high heels and was heading to a local wine bar. He could meet me there for a glass of wine if he was so inclined. He was.
Even after marriage or in
Even after marriage or in long term relationships, you still need to court each other. Date nights are so important. My DH and I also stick to a set bedtime with SS, so that we get time together in the evening alone to talk, watch TV, snuggle, break out a treat we were hiding from SS, etc.
My in-laws are awesome and will take SS for a night or weekend also. You HAVE to make time for your SO/DH in order for your relationship to thrive. When the kids are grown and gone - you only each other.
This is something I bet every
This is something I bet every couple struggles with after kids weather they are a step family or not.
My DH is quite relunctant
My DH is quite relunctant about spending time but I know weekly date nights and frequent sex throughout the floorplan (when the kids are gone of course) of our home keeps things alive. Some marraige psychologist said spending at least 15 hours a week together doing something enjoyable keeps the flames going.
Perhaps if I sledge hammer DH's gaming computer and playstation he'd be more willing. }:)
The marriage comes first for
The marriage comes first for both my bride and I. All of the time. The kid was our primary responsibility when he was a kid but the marriage is the priority.
A passionate kiss in the hallway, a butt grab in the kitchen, bringing her home flowers on random days just because, meeting for lunch on a work day, cooking her breakfast on the weekends, working on a foodie meal in the kitchen together, taking advantage of the occasional kid free time, closing the door to our bedroom for a quickie whenever the spirit moves us, holding hands at Skid school and sports events, taking a weekend adventure drive on the spur of the moment together with the kid.. or not, talk about day after we put the SKid down for the night ... etc.... This is what we did to keep the passion alive during the child raising years.
Now that SS21 and a viable self supporting adult it has just gotten better. We moved across the world and are having a great adventure for the last ~1/3 of our work lives. We will celebrate our 20th anniversary this upcoming summer by renewing our vows in my amazing bride’s home town. We eloped the first time so her gift from me is the vow renewal wedding she wants with the designer dress of her choice, amazing venue and catered feast and most importantly so her dad can walk her down the aisle. He is not in good health and I feel that it is important for her to have that moment with him.
Now the kid is launched we still do the things that have evolved to be our demonstration of love for each other. About the only thing that has happened is that instead of closing the door to our bedroom for spontaneous intimacy we use the whole house and leave the doors wide open.
It does not have to be about a big effort. It is more about taking every opportunity to demonstrate your life partnership and show each other that you are the greatest gift in each other’s lives. The trying and sad times do happen. The dedication and demonstration of love and caring is what gets us through those times.
IMHO of course.
Now go grab his butt.
Haha! Will do
Haha! Will do
And when either of us was on
And when either of us was on a work road trip we e-mailed several times a day, spoke on the phone several times a day and had lots of phone sex. }:)
Adapt, enjoy and stay connected no matter what.
Haha yep, rags has it right.
Haha yep, rags has it right. We do all of the above! Good stuff
When DH is gone it is
When DH is gone it is primarily about us - and sweet text missing each other. There is hardly any talk about SS or BM unless something major happens, or I ask. He will randomly send me a video telling me he loves, more of him sitting at his desk doing paperwork saying he misses me.
When he is home unless we have certain company where the kids sleep in the living room we will lay on the couch and watch a little TV, (you can see where the bathroom door is from the living room) we shower together, and always try to go to bed together even if SS is watching a movie he will shower and lay down with me for a little while to talk/cuddle and then "other" things even if he gets up to go back to watch the movie with SS, or work on something it is nice to know we try to spend that time. He also is not scared to make comments that are in a cryptic way infront of SS, or show me affection infront of SS which helps me not feel just like 3rd person as SS can be needy at times.
On our week without SS we try to plan a date night at least once to actually go out and get out of the routine.
We are also very affectionate it doesn't matter where we are DH always tries to show some type of affection rather holding my hand or being across the room and making a excuse to get up and walk by and make a kissy noise. He will send me text when him and SS are riding that he misses me when he knows it is clearly a activity that SS likes alone, and I do not care to be around.
She gets me tuned up by text
She gets me tuned up by text and then more often than not ss12 hovers and blue balls inside. She ignoring his messing with her watching her show. No big deal I just go to a different room. If she really wants this she will come on over. Plenty fish in the sea. Aint letting them get to me. You feel.
And .... never shower alone.
And .... never shower alone. The shower is good couple bonding time. }:)
We just updated our bathroom
We just updated our bathroom last night. New swanky shower curtain and new robes