Can't even cry anymore.
I'm living w my boyfriend whose always had custody of his child. The child is elementary school age and it's a constant battle with the dad to not have the entire works revolve around the child. Today was a snow day we were all three home. Boyfriend still had to work from home. I need rest in the morning. I drank my coffee and slept in a lil. They went sledding. I read, the cold played and my boyfriend was on conference calls. I made a snow man w the kid to have done fun. My boyfriend announces that we are going to all leave immediately (I'm still lounging around) and trek over to a friends house to spend time w their family. He and the husband will work while we're there. He's basically like "well you can stay here if you want , what do you want to do. Then they leave me here alone for a few hours on a snow day I can't drive anywhere. I was so hurt and enraged. I cleaned the house. The friends are ok but we are supposed to be a family and he's always running over there every time they text him to come over. It was fine when he was single but the people really aren't that nice and I want my own family not dependent on other people. I don't like being told what's gonna happen and the lady is a stay at home mom. I'm not and she's like a damn expert child entertainer I'm not. I want my kids to grow up independent enough and close enough to their own family members. Now we are arguing. It makes us two halves. Them on one doing things as they always have and me either going along w that or getting left out or guilted into it. I stopped just tagging along bc I thought I'd be happier but I'm not happier being left at home alone.
It's not going to get better.
It's not going to get better. Since you have no permanent ties to this guy my advise is to find a fellow with no children who isn't dependent on his buddies to entertain him. There is a million of them out there.
Step one - move out.
Thanks for this perspective.
Thanks for this perspective. There's alot of history missing from what happened yesterday. And for intents and purposes yesterday wasn't so bad. Just now every time I have to deal with that set of friends I'm on edge. I'm glad they went sledding. I would have loved to stay home and the three of us hang out as a family. Instead we are kinda thrust on this other family alot. The lady in the beginning wasn't all that nice to me, I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a long time and usually tend to give people too much credit. She usually wanted to sit around and talk about the guys ex wife all the time or bad about people I actually do like in this long term group of friends that my guy has. I spend quite a bit of time with these people already at least once a week and then beach trips and every holiday they have parties. I talked to him about making friends with some of the other people in our neighborhood with kids. I get the whole sense of yesterday and the events logically but after everything else I've gone thru this year it just felt awful. I'm not proud of feeling awful it really seems quite ridiculous I know.
We are always improving but I have to stick my neck out and get irritated and explain shit, then we get in a fight, then a few weeks later he realizes what I meant. It has just gotten old.
The lady like to try to be better than everyone else and alot of the other women/wives in his friend group don't like hanging out around her either. I can handle her in small doses. One of their kids is the worst child ever. Our kid/ future step kid is pretty good and the child beats up on him.
I've gotta work on not getting extremely offended at everything. For so long I had been basically a doormat and happy go lucky and just went along with whatever they wanted to do all the time and no thought was given to me unless I ask for it.
I see you point and I wish I didn't react so horribly yesterday, I'm just fed up with being an outsider. His friends treat me more like an outsider than the kids. The lady overcompensates and then our kid will ask me to help him with something and she'll step in and take over. I just wish people would back off and let us build our family. I'm glad they ask us to hang out sometimes just to have something else to do but I think it's more so our kid, who's good can entertain their bad ones so the lady can drink and then talk about what a great housewife she is. It's annoying and she crosses the line alot.
So all that and last week my guy actually asked me if we could give up our ONE date night that we have in February so that the kid could go to a party. (He goes to lil kid parties every other week.) Then I got the responsibility of "well I don't know what I'm going to tell him if I have to tell him that he can't go" We have something fun planned for him that night already. Then our date night we had recently the child tried to take over and we got in a big fight. Then for the next four days they were off on their own adventures with this same other family. While I'm left in the cold or have to be around people that aren't very nice people and then try to overstep boundaries and prod and tell all their "friends" business all the time. They are two faced and I don't like it. We would be better to make different friends.
Agreed with all of the above.
Agreed with all of the above. Your issues don't seem to be with the kid so much as it is with your boyfriend. My SO of over a year and her three kids live with me. I love her with all my heart, but it's sometimes painful that I don't have her undivided attention. I've had to learn that it isn't all about me...that these kids are innocent and have no control over their circumstances. So, I know they have to come first.
Talk to your guy about how you're feeling. Ask him to set aside some time just for you. Maybe your friends can watch the kid while you guys have date night. Go out and have fun, or stay in and light a fire with some wine. Let him know that you remember how wonderful he is and why you love him, and remind him that you are the woman he wants and that you need some alone time where the attention is on you.
If you can do that, it will make your alone time so much sweeter. It might even make him miss you more and arrange romantic evenings more often.
Thanks. I'm sorry you feel
Thanks. I'm sorry you feel that way too. We are working on it. The kids mom is about to disappear again for good probably and I he and I have a pretty good relationship. I wish this family would just butt out sometimes and let us grow together.
We are working on a schedule of more quality time alone.
Thank you. Good luck to you also. He is truly a great person, so is the kid. I love them both so much it hurts alot to have them have "family time" more with this other family instead of investing in our time as a unit. We are doing a lot better and communicating.
I feel like letting this other lady be more like a mom to him than I am kinda gives off the impression that the kid doesn't have to treat me like a mom. I kinda got that the kid really didn't even want to go over to that house either all the way like a 15 minute walk in the snow. He was content doing what we were doing. Given a few more minutes and he and I could have gone sledding together with other neighbors that live closer.