No matter how wonderful he is you must face the fact that your BF was a father first, and will continue to be a father to this girl. If she is bad now, it probably won't get any better and a majority of the time it gets worse. Wait until puberty hits!

When they are little, you have little problems. And when they get big, the problems get bigger.

You are in the "perfect storm" situation - a SD who needs attention and is clingy and jealous, a guilty father who will always want to take care of his little girl, and last but not least - you yourself, with a building case of resentment.

Your life is still a clean slate. You still have the opportunity to go out and meet a man who has no children and who you can build a family with together. I've said this before on this forum but I'll say it again - no matter how much you may want a child with this man someday, it won't be his first experience with fatherhood. All the wonder and excitement you will feel over your OWN child, will be something he has already experienced with someone else (BM).

Expect your SD's attitude to get even worse if you do have a child someday. She will have been ruling the roost for some time by then, and will not take lightly to another baby entering her turf. Look how she is upset by her OWN MOTHER having another baby! How do you think she will react with you - can you imagine the hostility you and your child will face?

If I were you, I would go no further in this relationship. As much as it hurts to break things off, it is much worse to spend 20, 30 or more years and then realize you have wasted your entire youth and the majority of your life on a situation with a SD you already can't stand.

Get out now. There are MILLIONS of single, eligible men out there who have not had children yet. Go find one for yourself.

'2tired4drama' above summed up my thoughts. You are at the perfect age for your generation to find the guy who didn't make the mistake of marrying and fathering young. Both of you (you and your future husband) can start a family from scratch.

But it will be difficult to find a childless guy - its not that they aren't there its just that they're busy. Then you'll have to sort out the ones who can separate their home life from the career (as will you) then you'll have a prospect.

Personally once you've told this guy you made a mistake (avoid arguing over who's at fault) and move out I'd would investigate various dating sites on-line as well as the usual locations - work, church, volunteer groups and clubs such as hiking or bicycling.

Make sure you make it clear on-line that you're looking for a man without children as at your age its also the most likely age for divorced men to be out looking. Don't despair - they do exist.

If you can't talk to your partner openly and honestly about how you want your family life to be, what you expect of him as a parent, what you expect of his child, and how the two of you will define your role in the family then you don't have much of a partnership, do you?

Run. Run like hell. My sd is a little demon spawn. If I had to marry my wife again I would of ran to the other side of the earth.You'll have so much resentment and wonder what happened to your life. Live it. Be free. Buy a motorcycle. A rotten step kid is awful to live with.

I regret it every minute of every day.

Do I regret it? No. Despite the ups and downs I have a DH who may have his Disney dad moments but also knows how to be an amazing partner. As much as I hate BM and will never look at SS as my own, I have a sliver of happiness DH went through that hell. One because it made him stop doing some things that he was doing, and two it makes him appreciate me even more. I am lucky to have a supportive DH who at the end of the day knows how to be both a partner and a father without really putting us in a rank order. However, am I excited to see what SS is going to be like a teen and how he will push limits and disrespect? No, I am not but I love my DH more than anything.

Would I encourage someone without children to do what I did? Absolutely NOT! I would tell them to run for the hills. DH and I got a solid foundation very quick due to exterior events that made me comfortable and level footed, if I did not have that I would have ran and ran as fast as I could. If you have any doubts stop think, reconsider and most likely run. There are many men out there but remember if you are unhappy and you choose to live in hell that was your choice and you won't be able to blame anyone else.

oh man... I feel for you. When DH and I got together, SD was 8. DH only had EOWE, and we didn't live together, so it was ok initially. Now, while DH is a disney dad to some degree, he also did have some strong boundaries with BM. While we dated, BM tried to manipulate his time and he wouldn't allow it. SD was polite, while not overly friendly, which was fine by me.

I struggled with visitation which was loosey goosey in the beginning. He then made a definitive schedule and stuck to it. What I noticed was that when we had SD, my anxiety came from BM more so than SD. BM would call and put SD in a tailspin and then she'd be a brat for the whole visit , and DH would try to appease her. She is socially awkward and as a result, EOWE I did stuff on my own, or we would stay home. I refused to bring her around my friends and family bc she is a nightmare. (same as OP- introduced her to my niece and nephew and they asked she never come again...they are 2 yrs younger) DH doesn't see it.

I love my DH like crazy- like you- and the good does more or less outweigh the bad. He absolutely tries to see my side, and is my defender in situations. He has made SD respect me once I pointed it out. SD is now 14 and she sees her Daaaaaaddddddddyyyyyyy 2x a month. I'm usually not around, I may see her for an hour or so and I'm out. He is welcome to see her as often as he wishes and for now this arrangement suits them. Her behaviour is still questionable, but I have adopted the whole, "Not my kid, not my problem." It has taken patience and 6 years to get here.

"[selfishly] if I could have DH without his baggage, life would be perfect"

I agree with Step.tococis except for the "selfish" part. I feel like that response is normal and justified, not selfish.

I love my husband and can't imagine life without him. We are such a great pair. I could even get used to his kids if they didn't come attached to a manipulative, controlling, meddling, leach they call "mom". You don't like your guy's kid. That's is much worse, I think, than just hating his ex.

When I read these forums I sometimes think I haven't got it so bad compared to others. I still break down crying, hide away on skid weekends, and regret his fucked up baggage. When I say "I wish we could just pack up and move away from all this drama" he informs me that it will never happen. He is stuck here cleaning up his mistakes and if I want him, I'm stuck too.

I have days where I think it's worth it. I still wouldn't advise anyone else to go down the path I did.

I always told myself I would never date a guy with kids. Then there came DH. we were both in college. He became a really close friend, then more than that.

Honestly DH is my best friend in the world. He is one of the only people that understands me & I love him to death. I don't think he would be the man he is now if he hadn't gone through all the shit with BM. I don't think he would appreciate having me, a good woman, if he hadn't had a bad one before.

So sometimes in my frustration I think "UGH I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED SOMEONE WITHOUT KIDS" I know for a fact nobody could love me like DH does, & I couldn't love anyone like I love him.

It also helps that even though SD7 is annoying sometimes, she's a sweet girl full of love.

Look, I'm 26. Last year my "part-time dad" boyfriend turned into my fiance who got full custody of his son when he was notified by the state that BM and son lived in that he was taken away. She, too, had new babies, new husband. They turned abusive toward their existing children and the kids all got taken away. So about 12k in debt later, he lives with us and is a COMPLETE F'ING TERROR.
I've got this ring on my finger that I wanted SO BADLY one year ago and then our lives turned upside down.
There are constant arguments because his son has huge behavioral issues and uses his experience with his mother as a crutch. Fights all the time. I constantly wonder if I have made a wrong decision and if this is how I want to spend the next 6.5 years of my life. (SS is 11, almost 12). Right now, the thought is NO.
MOVE ON.

It took me 6 months of building resentment, and about a week of reading posts here to make the decision to leave. I thought I was a horrible person for not want skids in my life. I discovered here that a) I am not evil and b) this will not get better. Just go. A year from now you will thank yourself for having the strength to do what's right for YOU.

I'm not sure it matters if you have your own children or not. We are all going to parent differently. When two people experience the pregnancy together, they have 9 months, and then however long to get their parenting routine in gear to figure out how they want to parent. By the time you've met a single dad, he's already not only implemented that, but also readjusted for the break from the kids' mother (albeit more independence, guilty daddy syndrome etc). When a new significant other (ie YOU) come it he picture, he'll have to readjust again so that you can create a harmonious home-life together, no easy task for kids who had it one way, changed to another, and must change yet again because of this new woman in their lives. The kids hate it. Dad is resistant because he's already had to do this once before, and you get the short end of the stick, receiving all the blame for every negative feeling throughout this process. Sheesh, no wonder we need forums to vent it all out.

We have all had thoughts of leaving.
I wake up every morning thinking "is this worth it?".
SD13 is a very unique child with tons of issues. She was easy to get along with when I met her when she was 8, but I still knew something was off with her. I kept telling myself that she would grow out of it and things would get better. I kept telling myself that I would talk to SO about my issues with her and we would work together to figure things out. It did NOT get better. She did NOT grow out of it. It got so much worse.
Its like any bad relationship really...people hang on to a glimmer of hope that it will get better but it almost never does.
I know you love your boyfriend and can't imagine life without him, but you have to think.....would you rather have a year or so of misery while you are getting over him, or a lifetime of misery dealing with this child that isn't yours?
You don't have 10 years left. You have the rest of your life left. She will not be out of your life when she turns 18.
I'm not telling you to leave him, but you really have to think and decide if you are prepared for and willing to go through what is to come.
Again, it will not get better. It will get worse. That is a fact.
The only way it would get better is if your boyfriend woke up one day and suddenly changed his view of his daughter, was willing to change how he parents, and went to counseling etc. Is all that really worth it?

I do not regret getting together with my SO...BUT, if I knew it would be this hard before we started dating, I honestly probably would not have gotten into a relationship with him.

I'm 30. It took 5 years and me almost leaving for.him to realize that his kids were not just "being kids" they are mean and manipulatve. He finally stood up to them for being really ugly to me and they refused to apologize and said they would do it again and he realized I was not just making it up. There was a lot of hurt, pain and constant feeling of "am I a bad person", but I think that we are slowly moving forward.. We have a baby and honestly I disagree that the excitement is not there. I also have another kid (who I raised alone), but this new baby is such a different experience. It's about sharing the parenthood with someone you love and really appreciates what your bring. Wanting to raise a kind person with someone you trust. I think he is a great dad and he thinks I am a great mom (which was not the case in out past relationships). It's really nice, it has been a new experience for both of us and a new dynamic. It feels new and we can tell because our baby is happy and loving. We both agree and respect eachothers parenting decisions with the baby and we don't feel underminded (which is what I think causes kids to be crappy when one parent has all of the control and the other parent has no voice). Anyway, before you get there he has to see your point of view. He has to stop questioning your motives and make you a priority. I don't think I would recommend to my single friends to marry a guy with kids. If you are in it and want it I think that you will have to get him to see your side before too much resentment builds. His relationship with you should be a priority. He was a dad first, but he also decided to date and have a gf. So he needs to make time for that and being in a relationship takes a lot of time. Set up date nights every weekend and go even if his kid is there (find a sitter) that is a normal part of life. Do normal things, dont change everything because his kid is there and stand up for what you know is right. At the end of the day when the kids leave the house it's you and your partner that are left and you don't want to be left with a stranger. 

I just broke up with a single dad because I despise SS5 and it was the best decision I could've made!

Like you, I was all in for a future with my now ex because he really is a great guy BUT I couldn't stand his son, couldn't stand being in 2nd place to someone else, couldn't stand how limited our lives were because we have his son on every one of our days off. It didn't matter how much I loved my ex, it didn't change the fact that it was hell for me. 

One night, I finally came to my senses and thought, if I get married to this guy...everyyyyyyy day will be like this! Every. Single. Day. Will be hell for the next 15+ years. Nope. I bowed out. 

Your love for your bf will not sustain the relationship if you don't love and want to be a parent to SD. She will come first in every way, even when she's not there. She will win over you every time. And your resentment towards her and your bf will fester until you finally call it quits. THEN, you'll be relieved you did. 

You can't have your bf without having SD. 

I know endings are tough and we all come to them on our own time. But you'll be better off with someone without a kid. iI'm 34 and didn't really want to start over but God does it sound worlds better than the hell I was in. 

Best of luck to you xoxo 

Leave and never look back. Grieve your loss then celebrate your youth and freedom. 

If you stay with this man your youthful age will never experience the joys of meeting the love of your life who is as free as you, having a honeymoon stage, laying in bed eating grapes LOL. It may not be his first marriage, he wont be a  doting husband who  becomes a doting dad to YOUR child. He has BTDT, he already worships his first born. That is if he will even have more kids with you. Often their twisted guilt wont let them. 

I was bioless, he had a lil girl which became a mini wife. He said he wanted more  children after marriage. I thought I could turn my head away from the sick dysfunction and we could also celebrate a bio child. The dick changed his mind, no more kids. He kissed the ass of SD, I was the extra in the marriage.

You get what I am saying. Head for the flucking hills lady. Find your super hero that isnt already a super hero to his kid. You will always feel left out. You will grow to resent the skid more each passing day. Daddio will not handle you not kissing the skids ass like he does.

You will feel alone, sad, empy, and resentful.

Not a purty picture I painted but its a high, very high possibility this will be your future.

Why take the chance?

I do not regret it because after leaving him it made me appreciate being with a childless man so much more. I must say life without stepkids, an ex,  that kind of baggage and drama, etc. is much more enjoybale.  There is much less drama, less work, more freedom, more finanical stability, and more peace of mind without them in your life. They are not worth the headache. And no I do not feel guilty for saying these things. It is the truth. We need to stop pretending those situations are great. They are not.

While focusing on my career.. I missed the window in the late 20s an mid 30s to be a first wife and first baby momma. Then had to graduate to dating the divorced Dads. I tried a Dad with young kids, they are cute and love anyone that is loving them back. However when the proms or graduations any celebration that took step mom support to get them there goes unnoticed. 

Then there is the older kids ..oh my goodness...I was raised differently in the 60s and 70s. Children today are bubble wrapped so tightly and chauffeured everywhere their slightest whim is greeted with "how high can I jump for you Alexis..I can jump higher if you want me too.. "

I may sound jaded because I am ..I will not subject myself to a man that feels his college age children need new SUVs to drive in..while Dad asks me to split the dinner bill on our date night.

These are not isolated instances this happens day in and out..your the last thing on the his mind and meanwhile your dignity and self respect slide down the drain. 

I will continue  to focus on my career, hobbies , intrests and my friends...I keep hope alive I will bump into a man with common sense someday..but till then enjoy your kids gents..I'm not your free hooker..lol!

I think it comes down to what you're willing to accept. There are times I regret my decisions and times I don't. I love my husband and feel super lucky to have him...when his daughter isn't around. I hate that part of him. I think I've gotten better and more patient but I don't know. I do think if his daughter had been around more in the beginnings of our relationship (she lived out of state with her mom) I wouldn't have stayed. She's moving closer to us to attend college and I'm actually worried about my marriage. Right now I just try not to think about it. Being without your own children can feel so painfully lonely when watching your spouse dote over their child with another woman. It sucks. People do it though.