Teen stepdaughter been raped? Mother doesn't know?
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Saw text messages on my teen step daughter's phone, to her friend, in which she mentioned having been raped in the past. I was not aware of this, and to my knowledge her mother is not aware of this. I am torn for a few reasons. I had no reason to be viewing text messages on her phone other than curiosity, so I never should have seen it. If she hasn't told anyone, is it in any way my duty, given that I am only a step parent, to say anything to her or her mom about it? I am afraid of ruining my relationship with her if I were to reveal my knowledge. I also understand there is a possibility it is not true, and she was saying it to her friend for some other reason. I don't know what to do and it is eating me up. Thoughts?
Morally you have a obligation
Morally you have a obligation to tell her parents. Any blow back is deserved but worth it in the big picture. A single alternative is to sit the kid down and tell her what you've done and ask her she didn't tell her parents. Of course you start off with an apology and assurances that it won't happen again.
Once you have as truthful an explanation as you're going to get out of her you can make a better informed decision.
I would bring it up to your
I would bring it up to your DH and let him and BM deal with it as they see fit. If she has been raped, it's something they need to know. If not, she needs to learn that there are consequences for making up stuff that serious.
I would suggest DH read her
I would suggest DH read her texts, and for good reason. If he doesn't, that is on him. Not your place, but you should pass it on.
I agree. The blowback of a
I agree. The blowback of a discovery like this coming from a parent will be earth shattering enough. If a SM thought she could survive the oncoming maelstrom I think that's pretty naive. It'll get turned around on that SM so fast about overstepping boundaries, etc that her head will spin.
I'm thinking OP is male and
I'm thinking OP is male and the child's mom is his wife.
Honestly, I'm a let the chips fall where they may kind of person. Whether you think it's probably true or not, behave as though it is true. Let her mom know, so mom can decide what to do about it. I would have been mortified if my step dad had come to me with so much as an issue regarding my underwear, much less something like this.
Dup
Dup
I agree.. I found that kind
I agree.. I found that kind of odd. I wouldnt think any man would want to see what is on a teenage girls phone... I guess consenual snooping where the BM knows and it's being done to make sure that the child isn't up to trouble???
Im a Step Mum and I certainly
Im a Step Mum and I certainly would NOT snoop on my SD mobile. I dont think its a gender thing here.
I wouldnt snoop on my Step sons phone either.
I agree! All 7 of our kids
I agree! All 7 of our kids knew/know that as long as they are a minor in our care we have not only a right but a responsibility to ensure that what they do online is appropriate and safe. My kids learned early on to tell their friends not to forward or text anything inappropriate. Every now and then we randomly take SS16 cell phone and check his unopened snapchats and check his texts, browsing history etc.
He's the only minor at home still. I know we didn't stop everything bad our kids were up to but I know for a fact we stopped a lot of it and definitely made it a lot harder for them to do it. Of course we, even with no history of drug problems other than the expected foray into marihuana at times, randomly tested our teens for drugs with the Walgreens test kits. Lol We were on guard and that kept them honest for the most part.
Yep I agree with Dtzy. All
Yep I agree with Dtzy. All MINOR children have the privilege of technology and access to the net etc in my house, and WITH that access comes the responsibility to know how to use it safely, follow the rules set out by the parents and NO right to privacy when using said technology, I can and do check up on what they do online and with mobile phones.
It's MY responsibility to do that.
This !
This !
Let her deal with it in her
Let her deal with it in her own way. Maybe have a talk with her and let her know that you are there for her and she can trust you (with anything that might be troubling her- being a teen and all) and if she confides in you, ask her how she wants to handle it. I have personal experience in this area and my mum still doesn't know over 15 yrs later. That is how I chose to cope with it. I told a select few people to get it off my chest and got on with the rest of my life.
After reading the others
After reading the others answers I'd agree with telling the school. I think if you do so anonymously it may not be believed and no action taken so I'd call the principal and insist that your name be kept out of it.
You might try calling the principal and just asking what could they do in such a situation. I.e. "What if as a step-parent I .....etc". It may be that lacking more than a call from you that still they could do nothing.
In that case I fall back on my original advise.
Understand about the snooping
Understand about the snooping in her phone concern. She is mostly a good kid, but has given her mother and I reason to not trust her in the past. So occasionally when she has been dishonest, her mother will take her phone and look through it to see what she has been up to. A few months ago she got a new phone, I was tasked with wiping the memory and selling the old one. Before I wiped away any evidence of wrongdoing, I skimmed back through the phone and saw this text.
She had some issues a few years ago, and we got her some counseling. Maybe that was when it happened, though she never revealed it to us. She has been doing well since, other than the occasional trust issue. Have no idea who may have did this to her if it is true, and that is also a big concern..that she may still be in danger as it was likely someone she knows.