SD pregnancies and our insurance.....
SD19 – I only met her two months ago because she and DH are estranged (long story). I have tried with her but I am frustrated and am washing my hands of her. Every effort I make with her is unnoticed and unappreciated. She got pregnant in her senior year of high school and quit school with two months left. She has not gotten her GED yet but just got a job at Walmart. The day she started her job she found out she was pregnant with baby #2… they will be exactly 1 year apart. And this was a planned pregnancy because they wanted the babies to be close in age.
Baby daddy is not a US citizen and they all live with BM, SS20 and SD11. BM’s only income is child support, unless/until her disability is approved. (oh, and playing the live-in nanny to SD19)
Can you say trainwreck?
So, my question is insurance…. DH has very good insurance through the military and they did cover her first pregnancy, just not the baby. They got the baby put on a state Medicaid-type program. We figured SD19 was also on this program so DH was going to take her off our health plan. But we just found out she turned down that program because that would have meant she would have had to take baby daddy to court for child support. So, she is still on our health plan.
We want to take her off our insurance as soon as the baby #2 is born. She is an adult and can have as many kids as she wants but I don’t feel like we need to enable it. Is this wrong?
Heck no its not wrong. She
Heck no its not wrong. She wants to play adult and mommy then let her play it.
Neither daddy (or the taxpayers) need to chip in for her foibles although I guess the taxpayers will be paying either via the military or welfare.
Not wrong at all......She
Not wrong at all......She wants to be a grown up... well covering herself and her children in insurance is part of being a grown up.
I don't think this is wrong
I don't think this is wrong at all, she is living with the father, why is her father covering this expensive? Daddy should be or get Medicaid! Oh I just reread it and she is living with mom then why is mom not paying for it if that is what she wants to do? Another idea is find out what the difference is for her to be on the insurance and have her pay it to daddy monthly with her job. I understand being a young mother and making mistakes which I don't think a lot of people on here do, and I believe family should support each other, but she clearly think the daddy of the kids needs to take some responsibility and so does she. getting her high school dimplama is important. I got pregnant senior year and I still stayed in school and graduated. I felt it was even more important as I had someone that depended on me to take care of him. I had to in my mind and I did. I never understand the excuse, I'm pregnant so I have to drop out of school!! That is just plain laziness as now days you can even do virtual school from home, so how can you not get your diploma? Good luck with everything. I would sit down and explain to her that these two children are going to depend on her to take care of them. she needs to decide steps to take to get to where she wants to go, with or without this guy as this guy may not even stay in the country. She really needs a reality breakdown in a good way. Being that she is pregnant she will be emotional (let me tell you from experience) and this may be the time you can drive to one of those not so good neighborhoods and do the break down to her..."do you want your kids selling dope on the side of the road when they are 8? Do you want your kids to have these kind of friends? The neighborhood you can afford will affect the long term outcome of your kids!!! Where you live, where you go to school is a huge impact of how they turn out."
I'd remove her immediately.
I'd remove her immediately. You're not supporting or helping just her by keeping her on are you. Your supporting and helping the baby's father to shirk his responsibilities as well. She can't be stuffed taking her baby's father to court for child support. Really, poor baby, why should she have to make an effort to support herself or her child when daddy, her daddy, steps in and helps her to do nothing about getting his grand child's father to support his own child.
If you guys take her off your insurance the lazy cow will quick smart get off her ass and get herself into court to get child support for her child. AS SHE SHOULD.
With the best of intentions under the sun, your husband is helping her to to take the lazy, easy way out. He is helping her to be irresponsible. He s sending her a very bad message here. Very bad. If he loves his daughter at any level, he will stop worrying about her not liking him, or taking the easy way out himself, which is to just leave her on his insurance so she's happy, and he will tell her in no uncertain terms he's taken her off his insurance, she needs to start applying for CS for her child. That would be helping his daughter be responsible.
totall agree! but again, can
totall agree! but again, can you go after someone who is not a citizen? He can't even legally work I don't think. I think all his jobs are under the table.
And to be honest, I think he actually does support that household. BM's only income is the child support we send.
Thank you, just needed to
Thank you, just needed to hear the amen choir
.
Orange, you are right... it will either be the military paying for it or welfare. So one way or the other we are all paying.
But Lady...can they even go after him for child support since he's not a citizen?
Echo, DH was planning on removing her now. But BM is begging for him not to and saying how he is her father and should never turn his back on his daughter. She is alot of the problem, IMO, because she has made this whole thing too easy and enabled SD19. But what you said is EXACTLY how I have been feeling and it is so frustrating and infuriating.
Qtee, we live 1000 miles away so we are pretty helpless and there really is no relationship there because in big part to PAS. But BM won't/can't pay anything because she herself is unemployed has no income. But you are right, her not finishing high school is one of the dumbest decisions she has made.
Nope, I got dropped from my
Nope, I got dropped from my parents insurance when I turned 22. It would have been 18 had I not gone to college but it got extended because I did (not the reason I went of course). You're legally an adult at age 18 in the US and there is no law anywhere that says a parent is obligated to keep an adult offspring on their insurance. I knew I was going to be dropped from my parents insurance and even though I already had a job by that time, I made sure to get one that gave me my own insurance. I didn't get my feelings hurt nor did I give my parents any crap for it. She and the father of her children need to make their own way in the world now. Especially with two little ones. If she gives you problems just remind her that she sure must not have thought of herself as a child when she was having sex and dropping out of school so why, would anyone treat her like one now? I can't wrap my mind around the idea that parents are still responsible for anyone 18 and older. Maybe it's the way I was raised...
I disagree. Military health
I disagree. Military health care is free for dependent up to age 21 and it just seems mean and punitive to take her off.
you're right, it does not
you're right, it does not cost us anything to have her on it. That's why I am asking for opinions. It doesn't cost extra to have her on it, but it just feels like by keeping her on it we are condoning her having these kids and making it easy for her...enabling.
I work with someone who had a child two years ago. They both work at decent jobs, just the average couple. It took them a year and a half to pay their medical bills from having that baby. I just feel like if she had had to pay anything...maybe she would not have made this stupid decision. And when does it stop?