Someone please advise me...
Hi. I hope this is where this goes. I am new the the whole step parenting thing. Well, parenting in general. I have no children of my own. I met a man a couple months ago and we fell for each other instantly. He moved in and his 8 year old daughter visited every weekend. She begged to come live with us. He warned me that she is a horrible eater. I didn't know what I was in for. She is a sweet and loving child. She took to me really quick. She climbs in my lap and will watch TV or read. My 3 concerns are 1) why is she refusing to eat and what should be done about it. 2) how do I be loving and caring yet be stern, we were home alone and I caught her twisting the two cat's and dog's ears. I said "- do not do that it hurts them." I caught her a little while later doing it again. She says "it doesn't hurt them. They can't feel it." I had to walk away before I popped her. 3) how do you step parent... Help! I don't want to loose my relationship but this 8 year old has too much control.
The only advice I have for
The only advice I have for you is to move out and actually get to know this man and his kid before moving back in.
1) Eating. If she won't eat
1) Eating. If she won't eat meals, she doesn't get snacks. The end. Don't let the alligator tears get you when at 8 pm she is sooooo hungry and just needs a snack. Meals or nothing. If she eats well- reward! Favorite TV show, board games, whatever you guys do for fun in the evenings.
2) Personally, I would twist her ear the same way and tell her that before she does it to an animal that she should test it on herself first. If it hurts her, it hurts them.
3) Breathe and try to let dad be the parent. Being a Smom is hard work- and even more thankless than being a biomom. Try being more of an "aunt"- you still have rules and auntie will set you straight but aunts don't do the in's and out's of everything.
Wait, you let a man you've
Wait, you let a man you've only known for a couple of months move into your home???
A father moved his child into a home with a woman he had only known for a couple of months???
:? :?
Okay......I was just thinking
Okay......I was just thinking the same exact thing.
Hey, don't judge! Not just
Hey, don't judge! Not just on that tidbit alone anyway
Not judging, just figuring
Not judging, just figuring out we're all freaking crazy.
LOL, I met my DH in August,
LOL, I met my DH in August, by March of the following year, he had moved in with me. We've been together 13-1/2 years.
I met my DW in Nov, graduated
I met my DW in Nov, graduated from college in Feb and moved out of state. So we dated for 3mos. My phone bills were ~$700/mo so we eloped 8mos after we met though we had only seen each other for 3 weekends over the last 5mos before we married.
Our 20th anniversary will be this coming summer. We are renewing our vows so DWs family can participate. None of them came to our announced elopement.
Why struggle down this path?
Why struggle down this path? Tell him that this was a mistake - accept blame - and he needs to find other quarters to live in by the end of the month or at least before Saturday. Yep that quick.
You won't see his kid between now and then.
Then continue your search but limit it to guys that don't have children. If you want my reasoning just poke around this web site and similar ones for awhile. Picture yourself here a few years from now wailing about him and his kid while a couple of your own pull at your dress while you type.
You walked away before you
You walked away before you popped her? Rather than walking away you should have popped her on the rump firmly. You gave her an instruction and she chose to willfully disobey.
When your instantly fallen for man moved in to your home with his daughter he tacitly agreed to the two of you being equity partners in your relationship and being equity parents to any children in your home regardless of biology.
So, parent ... and discipline as is reasonable and as you see fit. If Mr. Instantly Wonderful has an issue with that he can step up and get it done before you have to.
As my signature line says ... a parent is not a buddy to their children. A parent is an example, a mentor, a confidante, an advocate, and a disciplinarian.
Welcome to the wonderful world of SParenting. I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.
All IMHO of course.
Good luck.