My Partner Does Not Like My Son
Forums:
She has persistently picked on, prodded, and bullied my son for the last 6 years. Then she wonders why they have not bonded. She believes that I should make my son engage in activities that he has no interest in, but she does. She has not bothered to foster a healthy relationship with him, but has been spending a lot of time with her best friend's children, all girls, because "they like me."
Someone please respond and
Someone please respond and talk to me. I'm at my wits end.
You lost me at bullied my kid
You lost me at bullied my kid for the last 6 years. IF you let it go on this long what is your plan to change it?
>>If your partner is actually
>>If your partner is actually MEAN to your kid, there is no reason you should have stuck around and let her mistreat him for 6 years. That's just as much your failing as your partner's.<<
BINGO.
How does your son treat your
How does your son treat your partner? Has she complained about his behavior towards her? If so, what have you done about it?
All problems are two sided.
Are you pushing her to bond with your child? This is not an easy thing for anyone to do, especially when it's forced upon us.
Relationships have to be built on a solid foundation. What have you've done to lay the foundation for their relationship besides force them together.
After six years, it may be a lost cause.
yes Shaman!!!!!!...yes
yes Shaman!!!!!!...yes yes........muah.....kisses...... }:)
I have some of the same
I have some of the same questions that you’ve already been asked. By “picking” and “bullying” what do you mean? If you truly feel that she is bullying your child, why have you allowed it all these years? In what way does she mistreat him? How is he towards her? Do you demand he respect her or do you, as so many other bio parents do, allow him to treat her any way he sees fit but expect her to bow down to him? Do you take her thoughts and feelings into consideration as far as house rules or is she expected to just go with the flow while your son is allowed to do as much, or as little, as he wants?
We ask these questions because so many of us have been accused by our SOs of “picking”, “bullying”, “disliking”….etc, our step-children, when all we want to do is establish rules and guidelines and demand some respect for our roles in their lives.
and this as well^^^^^^^^^^^^
and this as well^^^^^^^^^^^^
My husband was OK with my
My husband was OK with my kids til a couple of years after we married. He has been a jerk to them the past few years. If you're not married yet get out now. Very painful to watch kids try to win his approval.
We are not married, nor do we
We are not married, nor do we live together. Also, we are both female. I think a lot of assumptions were made here. My son does not ride on a unicorn in the clouds, and I am not illusioned enough to believe that he ever has. I understand how SP's can be defensive as I was once on that side of the fence as well. My son can be hard-headed at times, and he may need reminding a few times to get him moving on something. My partner has a habit of antagonizing him, and poking him. It's not attractive and I know it does not feel good for him. And he is not disrespectful in return because I expect more than that from him and he knows it. I demand that he respect everyone, regardless.
I allowed her to take the lead on their relationship, and she didn't take very far. She has never been insistent that they spend time together, and I have never forced anything on her. My son does not call the shots all the time... not even close. My partner on the other hand can be quite insistent that she get her way. So it is to her that I have usually given in to.
I am very rarely one to
I am very rarely one to condone putting a child above a partner/spouse. To me the priority is the marriage/adult relationship at the center of the family.
However, what you have to say regarding your partner indicates to me that she does not have the character requisite to be in a quality adult relationship. If she gets off on antagonizing your son and has not made significant improvement in her behavior in 6 years you need to catch a clue and boot her ass to the curb.
I for one demand integrity and character in my partners. Fortunately I found an amazing partner of integrity and character to spend my life with. But, not before suffering a marriage to my adulterous characterless first wife. I learned my lesson on requiring partners with character from that catastrophe.
In your situation my opinion is that your son needs your loyalty and your protection from your partner. All else but your partners immature abusive behavior in your story being equal.
Good luck.
You are just as guilty of the
You are just as guilty of the bullying, prodding, poking, etc because you've let it happen.
If your partner is the way you say she is, then you should have left her years ago. In this situation, your son should come first. Your partner sounds abusive, immature, and hell bent on scarring your son. This child has endured 6 years of this crap.
End this relationship and seek counseling for both you and your son. I feel for your son in all of this.