Bully All Along
SD12 is wrapping up 6th grade. She has always had a hard time socially. This year she found a group of "friends" and has been so excited about it. DH has been happy to see SD interacting with her peers instead of hiding in her room.
The other night SD12 came downstairs and asked to talk to DH privately. She was sobbing begging DH to let her switch schools. (She currently attends the school in our neighborhood, but wants to move to moms.) SD said all of her 'friends' were being so mean. Telling her she was a bad person and no one was going to be her friend anymore. DH sat down to listen and SD swore up and down she "did nothing to deserve this." DH chalked it up to preteen girls just being dramatic.
Well, the sobbing lasted almost two days. BM told SD she was going up to the school to talk to the principal. That this bullying was causing so much stress SD didn't want to go to school. This is when things took a turn. SD told BM to not go there, she had "no business involving herself" (*um WHAT?*) and it was all fine now.
SD came clean to BM and said "they have screenshots of what I said, but I don't. So they won't believe me." Yep, that's right. SD was the bully. All started with SD saying to someone else that they should kill themselves.. then SD12 apologized, "that she found out". Not a real apology. Who says these kinds of things??? It makes me feel sick to my stomach that a person like this is sleeping under my roof. To treat someone so poorly. And to also have ZERO remorse.
DH was livid. He said he felt disgusted with himself that he "fell for it" and believed SD. He took her phone (which I'm sure is temporary) and for now, social media has been deleted. DH is lazy with monitoring technology, so I don't think he should be surprised what his daughter has been up to. What an eye opening experience for him though to see how manipulative she is. I hope the school follows up with some kind of punishment, but we will see. SD needs to be held accountable especially since DH and BM obviously do a pi$$ poor job of it.
I've been disengaged for a couple of years now, but this just makes my skin crawl. I guess I need more tips on co-exisitng.
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Comments
Hey, Dogmom,
Hey, Dogmom,
You’ve asked, ‘Who says these kinds of things??? ‘
It’s been my experience, after nearly 8 decades on the planet, that most teen girls say these sorts of things. In my day (the dark age), there were no electronics to capture nastiness. Our cruelties could be denied! Not so easy these days.
Easy solution.
https://guidancehub.net/cell-phone-with-limited-numbers-to-call/
Flush her smart phone and replace it with on eof these so DH can track her and she can only call the numbers he says she can call. She cannot cyber bully is she can't see or contact her victims online.
End of problem.
It really isn't end of
It really isn't end of problem because her personality is the problem. Flushing her phone won't change her personality. She'll just find a different outlet.
I guess I was the most
I guess I was the most concerned with "I'm sorry _____ saw that. I didn't mean for her to see it." SD wasn't sorry for what she said, but sorry she got caught. Zero remorse and see nothing wrong with what she did/said. SD 100% has the victim mentality and can't admit to any wrong-doing. Hope I'm wrong, but I can see a clear picture of toxic dating relationships in her future if this is the kind of thing she THRIVES off of at the age of 12.
Oh man she sounds
Oh man she sounds narcissistic if everyone else is at fault and she's always the victim. No remorse and empathy is another narcissistic trait. My brother and the Toxic BM I deal with are these types of people and you can't change their personality, just have to try and monitor and keep holding her accountable. Agreed that teen girls can be very nasty! I went to an all girls school and between the 12-15 age bracket was the worst for this type of bullying. By yr12 (last year of school) I found girls had matured a lot more.
Spawn had a problem with
Spawn had a problem with keeping girlfriends because she would steal their boyfriends, but she claimed it was never her fault. Honestly a punishment from the school, stricter supervision on her social media accounts and maybe having her volunteer with bullied kids might help. But if her parents are lazy and could give a sh@t I guess all they will do is wait for the next time.
OSD went through "mean girl"
OSD went through "mean girl" issues at our local middle school. She was constantly complaining about "those girls" and how she didn't like any of the "locals." Turns out that while talking with one of the mothers that OSD was THE problem with the group of friends her daughter hung out with and OSD berated her and shamed her many times....the mother was really frustrated b/c her daughter worshipped OSD (OSD is very manipulative with her friends) and started acting like her. I liked the woman and gave her some advice now and then but told her ultimately I had no control over OSD at all. She trusted me and vented sometimes and YEP I did alert DH to this.
AND another friend's daughter told me, when she found out I was SM to OSD, that OSD bullied her and she haaaated OSD. Then a light flashed on for me that THIS girl was the one OSD said was "so annoying" and she hated her. When in reality she's actually a good kid, with some learning disability but overall I'd take her over OSD any day.
DH even admitted that OSD was a very likely instigator of a lot of the problems she had in middle school.