It looks like 50/50 is becoming hot for some reason...I saw the previous post on here, but decided I still needed to post my own story and see what we may be looking at and if there is anything we can do with this unpleasent upset in our home. As a former child of divorce and as a loving stepmom and wife, I really wish for stability and consistency, but I know I can't make BM want the same.

Background: BM gave up primary custody of both of her minor daughters three years ago without ever going to court in California. BM decided she wanted a career and to "party" rather than be a mom. It's weird and it still boggles me at times, however I know that being a Mom is not for everyone. I get that. Divorce papers were filed and signed off with visitation to be mutually arranged. The understood and followed practice for a year was Dad as primary caregiver of the girls with mom seeing them every other weekend and holidays rotated. BM had agreed to work on a visitation schedule outside of court at a later time as it became apparent that they needed something in writing . Instead, BM put off the out of court meetings and submitted paperwork to the court. My husband continued to try to work with her outside of court, but BM just wasted our time as it became clear she was not willing to compromise and wanted her way or the highway.

We went to court and BM was awarded every other weekend (was already happening and she she agreed it was)and she was awarded Thursday night dinners ( after BM stumbled several times on what day would work best for her)with the instructions to "spend quality time with her daughters, provide a healthy meal, and assist with homework." The judge clearly asked several times if that was all she was seeking in terms of ongoing visitation and BM said "yes, that is all." The holiday schedule was pushed for a later discussion as the judge wanted to see how everything worked out. I was present at that court hearing. On the follow-up scheduled hearing, BM agreed to settle on a written holiday schedule without going before the judge. Holidays were split to rotate annually.

In regards to regular visits from BM....I find it very upsetting that she behaves flighty and does not take advantage of every opportunity to be with her daughters given that she has them so little. I encouraged my husband to offer her extra days that the girls were out of school, but she would turn it down saying she had to work. She missed school programs to go on trips with her boyfriend. She forgot to puck the girls up for a visit once. BM was out shopping and text that she was stuck in traffic on a Thursday night visit and would be running late, then text that she couldn't make it 30 minutes later, then after I took the girls to get dinner, she text she was going to try to make it after all...we text her saying she was over an hour late and the girls already ate. For one of my SD's birthdays BM left her and her sister with a babysitter and went out drinking without doing anything for her own daughter's birthday. The list goes on...basically, she does not use the time she is allotted and tries to swap weekend for her convenience.

My older teenage SD wants to desperately believe her Mom will give her attention and time if BM had more time with them. It doesn't logically make sense, but I can understand how she would wish for that. My husband and I have explained it to her, but she sees what she wants at this point. The little one never asks for BM as she doesn't know her like me since I have been the one to bond with her. BM has declined to attend parent teacher conferences for both of her daughters, but has attended some school functions. BM is weird about using only things she has bought the girls at her house and has reprimanded the girls for bringing those things to our house to the point that the little one (SD 7) becomes very upset and cries when she realizes she accidentally brought something outside of "Mommy's house."

Despite all of the inconsistent visitations and lack of co-parenting, BM has threatened to seek 50-50 custody. I think unfortunately she is hoping for the child support if she can actually get 50-50. Her live-in boyfriend has a criminal record (prostitution), a long list of financial issues and traffic violations, several divorces, and does not see his own children. The boyfriend told older teenage SD how their Christmas presents were bought with pawning of their Mom's old wedding ring. They have had to cancel large trip and return presents promised to the girls due to money.

BM rents a small condo outside of our school district about 20 minutes by freeway (a considerable step down in neighborhood) and we own our own house with the girls in top performing schools and both with amazing grades.

If BM really wanted to be a Mom and care for her girls I feel that she would do everything possible to never miss her visitation, be there for school functions, attend conferences, and ensure quality men were around her daughters. I just don't see that and we are planning to fight the 50-50 bc we don't think it is in the best interest of my SDs. I realize this is all from my perspective, but I have done my best to think of any ounce of genuine pursuit and I don't see it from BM. I want the girls to have time with their Mom, but I don't think she will give it and I doubt she will agree to calling off 50-50 custody pursuits until the court has its say.

Any thoughts? Experience with 50-50 requests? I appreciate you all reading this and letting me vent. It's nice to know I am not alone. I love these girls and although I try to act brave for my husband, I am a bit scared to see the girls disturbed and I wish we could just all get along.