disengagment is the beginning of not caring anymore
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when a stepparent chooses to begin disengaging, its because he/she does not want to be hurt anymore. we get tired of being second fiddle to the skids and the rest of the family, including in laws.
when you reach that point, it means you dont care anymore. i dont care anymore about the skids, of course, but i also dont care about the dh or his family. what happens to any of them is no longer my concern. after all, if no one cares about me, its foolish to care about them. any consideration of me is an afterthought. for the record, mil is still keeping in touch with the ex of dh and swapping emails.
i...just...dont...care...anymore.
thank you for the reply. i
thank you for the reply. i dont think i truly dont care about dh, its just that all he has done to me by ignoring my needs and putting his children before me. most of all, he sided with them almost all of the time and blamed me for their unhappiness with me. they made an ultimatum of them or the wife and even asked him to divorce me. i think he cares about me, but it may not be enough to make me stay. the sds will always take first place. i still have to decide what to do.
(No subject)
:jawdrop:
lol!
lol!
LMAO! Lucky!!! I too love
LMAO! Lucky!!!
I too love my ILs and my DH is great when it comes to skid/bm drama and bs. But if skid and BM ceased to exist or fell off the radar I would miraculously learn how to do a cartwheel! LOL
I could have written that!
I could have written that! Dh's DS31 though hasn't dropped dead yet though. He's a mentally ill unrehabilitive drug user, so it's only a matter of time. I don't wish him dead, but his life is a very sad one...no life at all actually. It really saddens dh.
Dh and I both know if something happened to one of us, the other wouldn't "be there" for the other's kids. Just the way it is.
Sugarspice, you matter. You
Sugarspice, you matter. You do not have to take unfair judgement, lack of respect and emotional pain in this life for the sake of love for a man who will not protect your feelings. As long as you know in your own mind you have been fair, empathetic and compassionate, please do not settle for a life on a roller coaster. Roller coasters can be fun but only in a theme park - they're not real life. Contentment and inner confidence is a life with value. Don't settle for loony land or you will still be posting here in 20 years.
thank you for the support,
thank you for the support, but i do have good self esteem, and good enough to disengage. i keep to myself the important things and treat myself like a queen as the dh showers the miniwives with gifts. this is even though one is living with a man and is good as married.
yes, the dh rarely protected my feelings yet only in a marginal way and usually long after the offense so even the skids forget the real issue.
disengaging means stepping off the roller coaster. leaving is always a distinct possibility.
i am so sad, punkin, that
i am so sad, punkin, that your birthday was just all about them with no consideration for your feelings, which should have come first, especially in your losses. as a stepmother we don't come first for anyone.
i just live with this and disengage. i have no interest in the joys or sadnesses of the skids.
too many husbands think they do a great job and get shocked when we reveal just how miserable we are.
I agree with you 100%!!!! It
I agree with you 100%!!!!
It is self protection and self respect. Why would anyone allow themselves to be abused in their own home? You have to disengage because they don't want you to engage. A counselor told me to do this with my SS. It was too harmful to me to be set up for constant non-reciprocation of love or appreciation.