Ok.... So here's the story... Looking for legal guidance if anyone has a similar experience, but also just need to vent! FH and I have been together for 4 years for the last two dad has had shared physical and legal custody. We are planning our wedding. In early November we found a venue that hit our needs and most importantly, our budget. Only problem was that the only weekend available in January, February, or March was BM's weekend. So dad texted her and asked if we could have kids for the wedding , if not the whole weekend, at least on Saturday. We were willing to give any "make up" day she wanted and we have always accommodated her requests in the past. She said it was fine,even said congratulations, and we booked the venue for mid March. At that time, we were already in the process of custody hearings and have a court date in May. The CO regulates thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements, but all other holidays are listed as " as mutually agreed". On thanksgiving and Christmas mom asked for extra time outside of what was in the order and dad agreed. Our custody days are Monday and Tuesday every week and Friday, Saturday and Sunday every other week. So on the Friday after Christmas the kids came to our house. NYE was on Tuesday. On Monday mom called and said she wanted the kids for NYE because they had plans. We'll so did we.... So dad and mom called the kids who were with me in the car and asked them what they wanted to do and they chose to stay with us. The kids were back at mom's at 7:45 am on New Year's Day. So... You guessed it.... Mom's feelings got hurt, dad said no for the first time ever, so dad gets a text on Friday that said " everything is by the book from now on, so the kids are a no go for the wedding" . Her reason is because " things change and we can no longer communicate" does dad have ANY legal recourse?
And I guess I am just blown away that she doesn't get it that she is hurting the kids.... They are here tonight and she hasn't even told them... So we get to do it and be the bad guys!!! Have an appointment with GAL tomorrow. The GAL has had issues with BM in the past, so maybe she can give is some guidance...
She gave them a choice because she is so convinced that she is their preferred parent to be with... She was sure they would chose her... I think she is scared to death that she will lose them and she is trying everything she can to fight... But she is only making herself look bad!
Judges dont like this type of petty crap. Pisses them off in my experience. Your DH may not have any legal recourse per se but she may not know that. If she agreed previously (esp in writing) to a specific date that he can have kids I would have a chat with her and tell her the judge WILL be informed that she did this and if the kids are looking forward to the wedding and excited for you two then that's going to make her look even worse. Definitely get the GAL involved.
Good news, GAL was pissed... BM has her appointment with GAL on Thursday and GAL is going to tell her that she expects the kids to be at the wedding and if BM does not agree, GAL is going to file a motion on he kids behalf.... If BM goes into that meeting with the same attitude she had at court today, this hearing in May will be a slam dunk!
This situation is perfect to get in front a judge. A judge or any other official will likely rake BM over the coals for this kind of overt manipulation.
Haul her ass to court and bare her ignorance to the official record. This will be a great instance to use for the remainder of the CO to beat BM about the head and shoulders with any time she gets stupid.
Not at all. i am simply amused that your thread here included all the info you were asked for there, where you deleted your thread. You may have gotten responses more satisfactory to you if you had provided details requested...
I did provide the info asked... but they were very irritated that I was not dad asking the questions and suggested I needed a social page, not a legal page... so I took that suggestion and found this page.... I guess you were on that site as well.... Maybe you missed some of the posts, but i pretty much gave the same account I did here, but they couldn't get past the fact that I was not dad and not legally a party to the situation... which I completely understand and that is why a site like this is better suited for my inquiry!
I really didn't come to this forum for more confrontation, the situation at hand holds enough of that for my liking. I posted on that other site looking for help. If I did not post enough info, someone could have asked for more info. But what I witnessed was sarcastic, condescending comments because I am "just" the step mother and have no legal rights in the case. I was asking questions about a case that I have a vested, personal interest in. I did not realize that only the person directly on the court order was entitled to care or have questions. I graciously removed myself from that site and came to this forum as it seems better suited for my needs. I deleted the thread over there because, while a few people seemed to sincerely want to help, the thread mostly turned into a "let's put this outsider in her place" session. If you would like to comment on the situation at hand, fine. But I really don't need to talk about what I did or didn't do right on some other site you have an interest in.
Just got the call from the attorney. Guardian ad litem said that kids will be at wedding! I did get my hand slapped for talking about the situation on facebook and mom is upset because the kids can see that.... Which is going to backfire on her also! 9 and 10 year olds aren't supposed to be on facebook! And mom knows that dad has told SS when he has asked for an account, that he can have an account when he doesn't have to lie about his age to get one. So she just lets SS use hers. So keep digging your hole BM....
I am glad that the GAL is working to make sure the kids attend your wedding, I personally feel like they should be included if they want to be especially since it is such a big change in their lives as well.
If BM is stalking you on FB- block her. Even if you do block her don't put anything personal that you wouldn't want a judge to see on it. You are in step hell now. That is one reason this site is amazing- Anonymity is your friend.
This happened to us too. BM was well aware of the wedding date, and that both skids really wanted to be at our wedding. It was scheduled on her time, unfortunately, but we could only get the venue and DJ we wanted on certain dates. BM originally said via email that it would be fine, then about a month before the wedding she sent us another email saying sorry, but the kids wouldn't be attending as she and SF had a camping trip planned.
DH took it to the skids' GAL, who told BM her recommends she let the boys attend as it could look very bad on her part if they should go back to court in the future. She changed her mind.
She didn't care that it would hurt the boys not to be there. It's all about her. Everything is.
Ok.... So here's the story...
Ok.... So here's the story... Looking for legal guidance if anyone has a similar experience, but also just need to vent! FH and I have been together for 4 years for the last two dad has had shared physical and legal custody. We are planning our wedding. In early November we found a venue that hit our needs and most importantly, our budget. Only problem was that the only weekend available in January, February, or March was BM's weekend. So dad texted her and asked if we could have kids for the wedding , if not the whole weekend, at least on Saturday. We were willing to give any "make up" day she wanted and we have always accommodated her requests in the past. She said it was fine,even said congratulations, and we booked the venue for mid March. At that time, we were already in the process of custody hearings and have a court date in May. The CO regulates thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements, but all other holidays are listed as " as mutually agreed". On thanksgiving and Christmas mom asked for extra time outside of what was in the order and dad agreed. Our custody days are Monday and Tuesday every week and Friday, Saturday and Sunday every other week. So on the Friday after Christmas the kids came to our house. NYE was on Tuesday. On Monday mom called and said she wanted the kids for NYE because they had plans. We'll so did we.... So dad and mom called the kids who were with me in the car and asked them what they wanted to do and they chose to stay with us. The kids were back at mom's at 7:45 am on New Year's Day. So... You guessed it.... Mom's feelings got hurt, dad said no for the first time ever, so dad gets a text on Friday that said " everything is by the book from now on, so the kids are a no go for the wedding" . Her reason is because " things change and we can no longer communicate" does dad have ANY legal recourse?
Sorry dupe post!
Sorry dupe post!
We do have it in text
We do have it in text
And I guess I am just blown
And I guess I am just blown away that she doesn't get it that she is hurting the kids.... They are here tonight and she hasn't even told them... So we get to do it and be the bad guys!!! Have an appointment with GAL tomorrow. The GAL has had issues with BM in the past, so maybe she can give is some guidance...
And I'm wondering... Won't
And I'm wondering... Won't this be frowned upon by the judge when we go to the custody hearing in May?
Good point.... Thanks!
Good point.... Thanks!
She gave them a choice
She gave them a choice because she is so convinced that she is their preferred parent to be with... She was sure they would chose her... I think she is scared to death that she will lose them and she is trying everything she can to fight... But she is only making herself look bad!
Judges dont like this type of
Judges dont like this type of petty crap. Pisses them off in my experience. Your DH may not have any legal recourse per se but she may not know that. If she agreed previously (esp in writing) to a specific date that he can have kids I would have a chat with her and tell her the judge WILL be informed that she did this and if the kids are looking forward to the wedding and excited for you two then that's going to make her look even worse. Definitely get the GAL involved.
What a jealous bitch.
Good news, GAL was pissed...
Good news, GAL was pissed... BM has her appointment with GAL on Thursday and GAL is going to tell her that she expects the kids to be at the wedding and if BM does not agree, GAL is going to file a motion on he kids behalf.... If BM goes into that meeting with the same attitude she had at court today, this hearing in May will be a slam dunk!
This situation is perfect to
This situation is perfect to get in front a judge. A judge or any other official will likely rake BM over the coals for this kind of overt manipulation.
Haul her ass to court and bare her ignorance to the official record. This will be a great instance to use for the remainder of the CO to beat BM about the head and shoulders with any time she gets stupid.
Good luck.
Glad to see the GAL is firmly
Glad to see the GAL is firmly in your court :). Good luck!
Karma's a bitch isn't it? Lol
Of course, the GAL has only
Of course, the GAL has only heard one side of the story. Who knows what Mom will say...
And OP? Thanks for adding the information you were asked for on another site. This all would have been helpful to those trying to help.
Not sure what you mean about
Not sure what you mean about adding information? Did I do something wrong?
Not at all. i am simply
Not at all. i am simply amused that your thread here included all the info you were asked for there, where you deleted your thread. You may have gotten responses more satisfactory to you if you had provided details requested...
I did provide the info
I did provide the info asked... but they were very irritated that I was not dad asking the questions and suggested I needed a social page, not a legal page... so I took that suggestion and found this page.... I guess you were on that site as well.... Maybe you missed some of the posts, but i pretty much gave the same account I did here, but they couldn't get past the fact that I was not dad and not legally a party to the situation... which I completely understand and that is why a site like this is better suited for my inquiry!
Actually, no - you provided
Actually, no - you provided less info. Be that as it may - glad you heard what you were looking for.
I really didn't come to this
I really didn't come to this forum for more confrontation, the situation at hand holds enough of that for my liking. I posted on that other site looking for help. If I did not post enough info, someone could have asked for more info. But what I witnessed was sarcastic, condescending comments because I am "just" the step mother and have no legal rights in the case. I was asking questions about a case that I have a vested, personal interest in. I did not realize that only the person directly on the court order was entitled to care or have questions. I graciously removed myself from that site and came to this forum as it seems better suited for my needs. I deleted the thread over there because, while a few people seemed to sincerely want to help, the thread mostly turned into a "let's put this outsider in her place" session. If you would like to comment on the situation at hand, fine. But I really don't need to talk about what I did or didn't do right on some other site you have an interest in.
Just got the call from the
Just got the call from the attorney. Guardian ad litem said that kids will be at wedding! I did get my hand slapped for talking about the situation on facebook and mom is upset because the kids can see that.... Which is going to backfire on her also! 9 and 10 year olds aren't supposed to be on facebook! And mom knows that dad has told SS when he has asked for an account, that he can have an account when he doesn't have to lie about his age to get one. So she just lets SS use hers. So keep digging your hole BM....
I am glad that the GAL is
I am glad that the GAL is working to make sure the kids attend your wedding, I personally feel like they should be included if they want to be especially since it is such a big change in their lives as well.
If BM is stalking you on FB- block her. Even if you do block her don't put anything personal that you wouldn't want a judge to see on it. You are in step hell now. That is one reason this site is amazing- Anonymity is your friend.
This happened to us too. BM
This happened to us too. BM was well aware of the wedding date, and that both skids really wanted to be at our wedding. It was scheduled on her time, unfortunately, but we could only get the venue and DJ we wanted on certain dates. BM originally said via email that it would be fine, then about a month before the wedding she sent us another email saying sorry, but the kids wouldn't be attending as she and SF had a camping trip planned.
DH took it to the skids' GAL, who told BM her recommends she let the boys attend as it could look very bad on her part if they should go back to court in the future. She changed her mind.
She didn't care that it would hurt the boys not to be there. It's all about her. Everything is.