I can't support his two boys part time on just my income
working two part two part time Jobs as I can't find anything full time.. BF got fired from his job a month ago.. Hasn't found any work yet. We still get his boys 50% of the time and he still has child support to pay his well off x wife.. He's 30 days behind and I'm sure the court will be ordering a bench warrant soon.
I'm not paying for his kids.. I'm already supporting them and feeding them when they are here.. It's pretty pathetic his boys walk around with more cash in their pockets than we do... Neither has a job as money bag mamma still pays them an allowance...
They never offer to buy a pizza.. Never offer anything.. 17 and soon to be 16..they think stuff falls from the trees for them.
I can't take it anymore.. I have no interest in ANYTHING including sex because I am so resentful and stressed most of the time that he keeps letting his x wife call the shots.. And gives into her..
He feels I need to stop worrying and just forget about all of it for awhile so we can have sex...
Right... I can't afford a freaking stick of butter but his boys can come over with all their money and toys and act like princes...
Nope.. Sorry no one is getting laid in this house...
I'm tired, stressed and hopeless... He just doesn't get it.
But sex to him will make it all better.. Of course.
Your BF doesn't have any
Your BF doesn't have any savings he can use to help out? What about a 401K? Sure he take a huge hit in taxes, but if he has nothing else,he has to deal with it.
He also needs to go have his CS decreased until he finds another job. He should look into fast food, retail, hell even tempt agencies. He needs to any and everything he can to bring in money.
No savngs whatsoever... I
No savngs whatsoever... I keep telling he needs to get his payments lowered... He won't.. I'm so sick of it... Honestly if he gets arrested I just don't care anymore... Let him call his x and see if she'll bail him out.. And then explain to her boys why daddy is in jail. This woman can't do any wrong.
He knows he needs to be out finding anything.. Courts will not buy he can't find a part time job..
tell your bf that either he
tell your bf that either he gets that child support lowered or he has to move out (if there are other issues going on here). or his kids quit coming, he can see them elsewhere, but you cannot continue feeding them. his choice. having him and his kids in your life is destroying you. DO something.
Instead of being angry at
Instead of being angry at these teens that their father isn't working and you can't afford 'a stick of butter' , you need to put the blame where the blame goes. Eying a 15yrs allowance in his pocket for a pizza? Resentment the 15yr old doesn't work? While I understand your frustrations of your BF being out of work, it's not the boy's fault their father got fired and isn't looking for work and approaching the system for a CS reduction. From what you say, your BF refuses to even try and lower the CS, BF is pretending the issue doesn't exist and is just not paying it. That head-in-a hole lack of action will indeed be catching up with your BF...but you need to put the fault and blame where it belongs...your BF.
If you can work two part time jobs, so can your BF. He's choosing to work none. He's choosing to allow you to be the one feeding him and his sons. Put that anger and resentment where it goes. I have no idea how old your BF is, but I'm seeing 40 and 50 and 60 year old men and older packing bags at the grocer check-out. I'm seeing them flip French fries, load shelves and carry out my mulch bags at the local big box stores. There's a job out there for your BF. Instead of wanting to pretend and just have sex today, he can get out there and spend the entire day applying. His first stop can be the CSE office to inform them he's out and work and needs to have his CS modified. And no, his sons can no longer come 50% of the time because he has no food to feed them, gas to transport them blah blah.
You need to motivate this BF of yours or you need to show him the door. He will suck you dry and your anger and resentment will eat you alive. Go get his a$$ out of bed and tell him the day's a-wasting and he's got a busy day ahead of him.
My son's "father" is over
My son's "father" is over $13K in arrears and they haven't even THREATENED him with arrest yet. I guess as long as ANY payment is made (even if not the FULL payment), they just let it slide. At least in the states we deal with.
If your SO won't get his CS decreased (and it should be relatively easy at this point), then you need to quit making his life as easy as you do with paying for everything.
misSTEP, My wife's ex is over
misSTEP, My wife's ex is over $103,000 in the rears over a 16 year period. He should have been paying $650 a month and paid nothing until three years ago. I had traced him down three different times over the years and each time my wife turned the info over to Social Services and they did nothing. She would make an effort for about a week or two then give up. Finally about three years ago I tracked him down again and while she gave the information to SS, I wrote an email to my State Representative. In the email I explained how I have been providing for her kids and where I didn't mind doing so I felt he was getting away without fulfilling HIS responsibility to his kids and to society. I explained that I have always lived up to my responsibilities and have always paid my taxes and never asked anything from the government. Action was VERY quick from SS at that point.
I received an email from my State Rep saying that his office had contacted SS and they would be taking action in the case. His email came a few days after SS called my wife and informed her that they had arrested him and he would be serving 30 days for contempt of court by ignoring the court ordered child support. He was re-arrested while in jail for failure to pay child support.
At the court hearing for failure to pay, he was informed that his 30 day sentence for failure to pay was going to suspended and that if he didn't continue to pay his child support he would have to serve the 30 days. They further informed him that every time he is arrested for failure to pay the sentence would double.
He paid the $650 for four months then stopped paying again. SS made NO effort for three months and my wife wouldn't get off her butt and call them to complain. After a big argument with her she finally called SS and they had him arrested again for 60 days.
After he served the 60 days he paid for the next five months then complained to SS that he was sick and could only pay $450 a month for a few months. After the few months SS agreed (without a court order) to lower his CS payments to $450 a month. It's been over two years now and he hasn't missed a payment but the interest on the amount he is in the rears is more than the $450 a month he pays. So I guess he'll be paying the rest of his life without ever paying down the principle amount.
Point is, GET IN TOUCH with your STATE REPRESENTATIVE and see if he'll put pressure on SS to do their job before it gets even worse.
Why are you there? He doesn't
Why are you there? He doesn't need a girlfriend_ he needs to rent a room somewhere and work day labor , delivering pizzas, or fast food until he can get a job that pays and gets back on his feet. He doesn't DESERVE a girlfriend in his state- in this setup, you're just a maid and a wallet. Don't think I'm being harsh, this is what I would tell my daughter if she was the woman in this situation, and my son if he was the man.
You should not be supporting
You should not be supporting his kids in the first place. You didn't knock up BM - HE DID and it's his responsibility to deal with it.
He HAS to go get his child support lowered. What is his reasoning for not doing so? It is based on income so obviously if he has no income the payment should be significantly reduced. Your income won't even go into it (at least not in my state).
I normally don't like ultimatums but it sounds like he needs one in this case - he can get off his ass and go file the paperwork to have CS lowered or he can get the hell out and figure something out for him and the kids. It is not your responsibility and not your problem.
One thing I can't stand is laziness!!
Scarletdreamer, You deserve
Scarletdreamer, You deserve better than you are getting and I hope you tell him where the door is. I have wasted many years of my life with a woman that refuses to make an effort to better her life and her kids. I hope you can find the strength to get away from this leach and find someone that has the work ethics and pride of being self-supportive that you have.
If he has the kids 50% of the time why is he paying child support at all? But if he is under a court order to pay child support then he needs to man-up and live up to his responsibilities until it is changed.
PLEASE get yourself out of this relationship! Don't wait five or more years from now and kick yourself for staying in something you knew was a bad apple for so long. There are many hard working guys that appreciate women that want to work together for a better life. Apparently he just shuns his responsibilities and floats along sponging off others or happy go lucky lifestyle.
Good Luck