I have, for the past 8 years, enjoyed a (for the most part) amicable relationship with my ex-husband and his wife. That’s not saying there hasn’t been the occasional bit of drama, because there has been. Thankfully that doesn’t happen often.

When we split we sat down and agreed on custody, visitation and CS, and a schedule for CS to be paid every other Wednesday when he gets paid. We never went through the courts for anything and it has been okay, for the most part, since.

That being said, I am so upset with my ex-husband right now that I don’t care one bit if I never see him or speak to him again. It can be done, and as far as I’m concerned it will be done. I think it’s for the best.

I’ve mentioned on here before that DH and I are looking to move about an hour away from where we currently live, due to DH retiring from the military and the only job he could find is 2 ½ +/- hours away, one way . This will add about 45 additional minutes travel time between the ex and I. All in all, it’s not really a big deal….or one would think.

When I originally brought up the move to EH around September he wasn’t agreeable to it, wanted me to drop CS and he would agree or else he would file for custody of DD. I offered to continue meeting him where we currently meet so that it wouldn’t affect him at all. He currently doesn’t see DD besides EOWE and has not attended school functions for several years, has never been to a parent/teacher conference, and does not see her at all during the week, so literally NOTHING would be affected by this move, in regards to his relationship with her. He has many excuses why he can’t see her more and is always saying well, after XYZ happens I’m going to start getting her one evening during the week. His latest “reason” has been rectified since early November and still hasn’t made an effort to see her besides EOWE. Anyway, after a while, and after him asking DD who she wanted to live with (against my wishes, I might add….didn’t want to put her in that position), we agreed that she would stay with me and I would continue to meet him at the current spot. I did lower CS slightly at his request, to an amount we both agreed to. IMHO....everything was good and fair to him.

FF to last week. I sent him an email just to say “hey, wanted to go over everything we agreed to, so we can get it in writing and filed with the courts, let me know if I missed anything you can think of”. I also asked him to please make sure that CS is paid on time, as it has been late numerous times, often not even being postmarked until the day after it is due. (This is a result of a sense of power on the part of his wife, as she writes the checks and has been trying to get the due date and the way that it is paid changed since she’s been in the picture). So, in response I get this hate-filled email from him basically telling me that unless I drop child support by $300 per month he isn’t agreeing to anything, that he’s tired of me complaining if child support is late by a few days, and that he’s basically tired of kissing my ass. He went on to inform me that he has his own bills to pay and shouldn’t have to “pay me” for our daughter after I took her away from him. He went on to say that he has kept notes about her coming to his house in clothes that were too short, or had holes, etc., and times that her fingernails needed cut. He told me that he would take her from me and he was prepared to take care of her hygiene if I couldn’t seem to do it. Even went on to tell me that I was wrong for letting her shower in the mornings instead of at night, because then she is laying in her own filth in bed!! He also told me that he shouldn’t be put out because I am constantly moving around. (I have moved twice in the past 8 years….one time was when I moved from our marital home!!!)

I responded by reminding him that we sat down together and mutually agreed to everything 8 years ago. I never once have asked for more child support from him even though he gets not only a pay raise, but a cost of living raise each year. I pointed out that WE, again, agreed on a CS amount and a due date, and I don’t feel that me asking for it to be on time is out of line. I told him that I was very upset that we had come to an agreement regarding the move and he is backing out of it. I also told him that considering the general tone of his email and his obvious dislike of me, that it would be best if we limit our communication to only email. I asked him not to call my cell phone again, and advised that he can call the home phone to speak with DD whenever he wants to, and she knows his phone number and can call him whenever she wants to. I also went on to explain to him that, unless he picks her up from school, she will go to his house in what is considered play clothes, because I don’t have an unlimited supply of good school clothes and I don’t want to chance them getting ruined or her forgetting to bring them back. They have a selection of clothes for her at their house, so it isn’t like there aren’t “good” clothes available if they are needed. If I need her to be in something nice when I get her back from them, I always pack something for her to put on so that they don’t need to send their clothes home with me.

He has completely disregarded my request of email only communication, saying that I am making it hard for him to contact DD. I have just stopped answering my cell phone when he calls it.

This past weekend DD had her first basketball game. When I was getting her black shorts together to take to her dad’s Friday I noticed there was a spot of purple paint on them. I just told her she’d have to wear them to that game and I would get her some new ones in time for the next game, as the spot wouldn’t be noticeable when she had them on. Well, DD gets home and says “SM said I shouldn’t have shorts with paint on them and I need new ones”. So, I asked her if she told them that I already saw it and was getting new ones, she said no, because she thought she would get in trouble. I explained to her that she wouldn’t get in trouble, because she wasn’t doing anything wrong. So, I was a bitch and emailed exH to tell him to add to his notes about the paint on her clothes that I was aware of it and didn’t notice it until the day she left, and have already purchased new ones.

When he came to pick her up Christmas Eve he mentioned that he is very unhappy about everything and that he wants to be civil with me. He also went on to say “Things will probably get really, really bad for a little while but then they will get better”. I told him that I was not interested in a friendly relationship with him, that I will be civil when around him, and that I was very upset that he springs on me that he isn’t agreeing to the move now. His response is “I just can’t afford it”. That’s what pisses me off the most….it’s all about the $ to him and has zero to do with DD. If I said okay, you don’t have to pay CS, then he would jump on it, even if I was moving across the world.