Hi Everyone! Wow...am I glad I found this place! For the last year I have gotten so much hell from people about my non existent relationship between the SD11 an myself. My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 7 months. Anytime we fight it's usually about her. Her BM is a deadbeat and hardly comes around. My husband has overcompensated and unfortunately no rules or discipline have been enforced. My husband is in construction - looooong insane hours so his daughter lives with his mother. She also has a cousin there too. When he was able to get his own place SD decided to stay with grandma. My husband makes sure to see her every day, help with homework,provide, etc etc etc.

When I met her she was 8. She was rude, manipulative, had the maturity of a 3 year old, whined ALL OF THE TIME, pouted, didn't listen, etc. I saw this plain as day. He would always say "oh shes 8. oh shes tired. oh shes had a long day" I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I really did. We have done stuff together as a group, I have gone to soccer games, picked her up from practice, straightened her hair on many occasions...she stares at me like shes killing me or rolling her eyes at what I say. And now she 's 11 and I am nowhere NEAR loving this child or liking her. I felt ashamed. I felt like there was something wrong with me.

After we got married I truly believed that my husband and I would have more time together. Now, please understand this - I no way expected him to stop seeing his daughter. He's a DAD. But I figured he'd want to come home and do couple things. Hmmm...not so much. He still works loooooooong hours. And when he is off of work, he's with his daughter. Ok...by the time he comes home I'm already in bed. As soon as he gets home she's calling, she's texting, she's Facetiming. He can never say to her "Hey, I'll call you tomorrow" I brought this up one day and he snapped at me. "You're always on her case. You don't even try to like her." When we are at family events, she's being mean and bossy to her cousins, whining, throwing fits...and I just have to zone out because I firmly believe children should not act like that. When we do plan stuff to do together, at the last moment he says let's take SD! If I say no he gets pissed off. "You don't like her!" And yes, he is right. I don't like her.

I spent a lot of time crying, a lot of time feeling ashamed. Many fights later and voila! Here I am...with people who feel like me, who KNOW what I am going through. I also just bought the book STEPMONSTER and read it last night. Wow...I AM NOT ALONE.

I don't feel ashamed anymore for not wanting to be this child's mother. She HAS a mom and yes, I am sorry she is such a deadbeat, but it's not my place nor my desire to pick up where she left off. Yes, I married a man with a child, but that in no way shape or form makes me a mommy. I don't have children of my own because I don't want to be a mother. She is HIS responsibility. I am no longer ashamed.

I just want to thank all of you for being here and sharing. I already feel better.