Are you working and can you afford to move out? If so it might be a wise idea.

Sorry for this hardship.

I often wonder why us women think we need to step in and make things better and why the dads let us but resent us for this. I think it's so we can keep some semblance of civility in our homes. It's a losing battle on most fronts.

Just like a man...be real. sorry,I am lost for words...HUGS! There is an age difference. Maybe, find 2 SD another thing to do...puzzles or something different..

Sounds like DH is floundering and has little experience of parenting 2 young children and neither of you have any experience of taking care of 3 young children - how old were they when he and their mother separated?

It's crazy for DH to propose living apart and parenting separately after 2 months! Have you both tried sitting down and drawing up a household routine/timetable and a set of rules that you can both agree on? With 3 children that young you need structure, routine and agreed rules or things are going to be chaos and stressful for everybody. You need to acknowledge that you are both struggling in a very challenging situation and try to work together to decide how to organise things consistently for all the children.

I have a 2, 4 and 6 year old so I manage their time carefully around mealtimes, activities - storytime/drawing and colouring/construction/outings to playgrounds etc/baking and helping with meals/watching selected TV programmes, and bathtime. When BS2 has his nap I do more challenging/creative/learning activities with BS4 and BD6. When you and DH are both there you need to divide and conquer and separate the children some of the time to do age/ability appropriate activities. There is no way I could sit down and do computer work with my 6 year old with BS2 and BS4 roaming about. In all honesty I think you are going OTT if you are schooling your daughter on the computer before she even starts kindergarten, so if it's causing friction I would just drop it for now, or get DH to do some one on one work with his daughter to help her. My daughter had zero computer based learning before she started school but at age 6 she has the reading age of a 9 year old. The best thing you can do to help your daughter and his 4 year old before they start school is focus on reading - have story time during the day and at bedtime. It's a relaxing inclusive activity and if a child loves stories and books it's a huge help in learning to read. Let each child choose 1 or 2 stories and sit somewhere relaxing to read to them. You could also work on number and letter games with SD4 and BD4.

Try to be tactful in discussing issues with the children with your husband - who knows if his daughters have actually been neglected, but they are certainly used to different expectations and will need time to adapt. Yes things like eating at the table should be put in place, but if you put it in the context that his children are backwards and must up their game if they are to spend time around your little flower it's bound to put his back up. When you have one child it can be easy to be a bit precious but a few months of turbulence aren't going to affect her negatively in the long term. The key thing is whether you are DH can work together and negotiate, and stick to a structure and rules once they're agreed.

I'm so sorry, hun. I could not imagine such a huge change so quickly in my marriage. I am a newlywed, too. We've been married almost seven months. I know what it is like to expect so much out of your own child, only to find the the skids do not have to come close to those expectations with their parents. It does make it difficult. However, like Echo, my DH has been very supportive. I have become a little more relaxed with my son while DH has stepped up his game with the skids.

I think I would be wary of a man who suggested two months into a marriage to live separately instead of finding common ground with all of the children in the home. That, along with him wanting you to stop sending your child to extra lessons because his kids can't do it, sounds like he is not much into parenting his children. I would say try to talk to him about the issues during a calm time for you both. Also, you might try marriage counseling. If he refuses to work with you, then it may be a good time to take him up on his offer. I believe you would qualify for an annulment at this point in your marriage. It sounds like there were a lot of things that were not discussed prior to this marriage.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and your child. If your new DH is not willing to work with you and parent his children, then you need to look at your options here.

If you are able to, I would take your daughter and run. Seriously, your man is not standing by you, you have no children tied to him, I would go and enjoy your life with your daughter. That's my opinion. I am sorry you are going through this, its not easy but to have a husband who wont stand by you is not right and to watch your daughter suffer through it too. Take care of you and your child first.

Instead of punting to you to be the primary parent to his spawn DH needs to step up. Only an ass would suggest that the way to deal with inability in his two is to dumb down your daughter to match is two.

What a jackass IMHO. And I am a guy.

DH needs to step up and parent his children. HE needs to sit with them and help them catch up rather than expect you to do it for him. I would sit him down and provide him with absolute clarity on what HE will do to work with his daughters. With your support of course.

I have to say that if your marriage ends over this ... good riddance and congratulations. I am not sure I could even attempt to make a life with someone as clueless as your DH appears to be.

Good luck.

Sincerely,

I agree with the annulment and only since he put it out there to live separately. He is already checking out. If the relationship is this difficult now, can you imagine as the kids get older...Teen years are awful. You need to do what is in the best interest of your child. He can parent his own kids...

If you still love this guy and think that this all has a chance of working out, then I would suggest (STRONGLY) counseling and parenting classes.

If you have any doubts now, get out while you still can. This is unfair to you and especially to your poor daughter.

I'm so sorry for you - this situation sucks. It sounds like your DH needs to be slapped with a dirty diaper to wake up his senses! Why would he not want his children to eat at the table - where else would they eat?

You guys need to be able to have a calm conversation about realistic expectations and what role each of you will play in the kids lives. If he is not willing to do that, it will not work. Perhaps counseling will help, but if he is unwilling to go or to change, then you might take his very insensitive advice and go your separate way.

Yes, he might be overwhelmed with the situation right now, but that does not give him the right to be a douchebag!

Just a note, my kids fought for the first 3 years like cats and dogs. I even started leaving the house on the weekends, my ss was over because I couldn't take it any more. They realized that it wouldn't break us up, that there were going to be consequences (eventually) to all bad behavior, and that it was ultimately us (me and DH) against them. They settled down and have a great relationship now.

Hmmm...this seems to have happened to a few of us here!

One week after moving out of my home/city I grew up in and moved in with DH, BM decided she could not tolerate her eldest daughter any longer (then 16) and boom, in with us she moved

DH figured it would all blow over in a few weeks and his daughter would move back in with BM

Over two years of DH's daughter living with us full-time (and DH paying full CS the whole time of course) and my life became a nightmare...has never been the same

No....I never saw it coming

Ok
Sounds like this hasn't been long time.
1) why is he still paying her? HELLO!!! That makes no sense He should go down to the court and file emergency paperwork - he has to do that.
2) How long is her jail time? Cuz you may end up adapting to all this and the kids get close to your daughter and then they get ripped away.
3) You will need to change rules cause one kid can't have special priviledges. I suggest putting time frames on the computer and building in the time frame that your daughter already claimed as hers. Use an egg timer.

At first I thought how quickly you are willing to split the households up. But then I wonder..hmmm...if you can afford it maybe that isn't such a bad idea? Can you guys buy a house with an apartment on it or a duplex?

You just had this ridiculous thing dumped on you. So think on it and remember his girls have been thru a lot but also - you are not the nanny either. Just because you are female does not make you the cooker, cleaner & slave. So I think a cooking & cleaning schedule is in order along with division of responsibilities and FAST. And he should be watching your daughter and his so that YOU can go out alone and vice verse - sharing.

slow down and listen to what I am about to type:
"My husband didn't have his two daughters when we got married. Their bmother had them and wasn't even willing to do shared parenting."

doesnt sound to me like your DH has ever really been a Dad to these kids as BM has alloweed him no parentling time.

with that being said do you think that these children are completely stressed out and overwhelmed right along with you? Here they are with a man they know by sight as Daddy. But they dont really know him. Or you. Or have they every had to deal with siblings? I am guessing not.

your daughter doesnt know them nor has she ever had tp share her living space or her Mother's time and attention.

your dh and you had this thrust upon you with zero preperation. my suggestion is since this is a brand new situation and it seems like it could be unchanging and the kids are small I would get into somekind of counseling for you and your husband and then each three of the kids would be seeing someone individually even if you utilize the schools counselor.

do it NOW early intervention into step world could save your marriage