Money Issues - Starting to Resent DH and SD
I think I am going to scream!
Could somebody please explain to DH that just because there is a CO requiring of him to pay CS for SD12 and there isn't one for our BD (baby) - obviously, because we're married - it doesn't mean that he gets to give me nothing for BD and/or to make no contribution towards her needs whatsoever.
While you're at it, please explain to DH that just because the CS he pays probably isn't all spent on SD12 like it should be, doesn't nullify the fact that he DOES provide those finances for SD12. (I must continuously hear that SD12 doesn't technically get so much money from him every month because her mother is a skank and probably spends it on her other illegitimate children.)
Please also explain to DH that when SD is 18 (legal driving age in my country), BD will be 7. SD would by that stage have enjoyed CS for her whole life, whilst BD (who currently gets none) will still have the bulk of her dependant years ahead of her. So, yes, it grates my tits when he tells me how SD is going to need a car and that his piffling estate must provide for it in terms of his Will (we were talking Last Wills) and that the early 20s are tough, so she should continue to get an income from his estate, even after cessation of the CO, whereas his estate won't even provide for BD to get half of what he presently pays for SDs CS!
The list goes on and on...
What is DHs problem? Always making sure that SD is provided for, but totally unashamed at leaving me to carry all the responsibilties for BD. Thankfully I earn a good income, but that is no excuse.
I wonder if you can take your husband to court for CS?
I wonder if you can take your
I wonder if you can take your husband to court for CS?
You can if you divorce him.
No, the irony is that he
No, the irony is that he adores BD. He's just selfish. As long as I take responsibility for everything, he sits back and leaves me to cover it.
SD12 is illegitimate and he didn't want a relationship with her mother (years before we ever met). Think he feels guilty that he's raising our child together with me, whereas SD wasn't raised like that. So he overcompensates and spoils SD.
My issue is: There is simply no way, short of divorcing him, to stop enabling his behaviour. Baby has needs - whether he pays or not.
No, the irony is that he
No, the irony is that he adores BD. He's just selfish. As long as I take responsibility for everything, he sits back and leaves me to cover it.
SD12 is illegitimate and he didn't want a relationship with her mother (years before we ever met). Think he feels guilty that he's raising our child together with me, whereas SD wasn't raised like that. So he overcompensates and spoils SD.
My issue is: There is simply no way, short of divorcing him, to stop enabling his behaviour. Baby has needs - whether he pays or not.
As long as I take
As long as I take responsibility for everything, he sits back and leaves me to cover it.
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Then WHY are you allowing him to continue doing this? By accepting it, you are enabling him to shirk his fatherly responsibilities towards BD and his moral obligations towards you as his EQUAL partner. Right now, he is treating you disrespectfully and the mother of his illegitimate child with more consideration, and YOU are allowing it.
Personally I would be considering all aspects of BD's upbringing e.g. childcare, clothing, treats, medical aid and then would inform DH that his freeloading days are stopping immediately. If he refuses to contribute freely, then you reduce the amount you pay towards bills and shopping, you force him into contributing towards BD, because guess what?! As her FATHER, it his responsibility to contribute fairly, and nor should you allow the blatent favouritism to continue - while he may be guided by blind guilt this is NO excuse and you need to get tough for your BD's sake.
I am sure he feels guilty
I am sure he feels guilty because SD is illegitimate and is not being raised the way your child is, in a loving household with married parents. I have a feeling my DH is going to be the same way when we have kids together. I can definitely see him spoiling SD (he already does that) & trying to overcompensate.
I think you should flat out stop paying for everything. You said it yourself- he knows you will pay, so he doesn't. He should be ashamed of himself. I know you probably don't want to cut back on what you spend on your child, so how about cutting back in other way? For instance, the cable bill? Does your DH watch football? I know if I let our cable get shut off, that would get my DH's attention! Or stop buying so much food at the grocery store- something that will actually have an impact on him.