Am I wrong???
Ok, so the other day I picked up my BD17 months and SD5 from day care. As she was getting ready to leave, SD5 had her coat bunch up in the back and couldn't fix it. One of the teachers came to help. She then proceeded to kneel down and grab the zipper. I stopped her. I said, "No, she can zip her own coat." Then I said, "SD5, show her you can do it yourself". The teacher continued, then said something to the effect that I like to spoil them, or do it for them, I cannot remember her exact words. SO I told her that they have to do it for themselves now, or they never will. This morning, as my wife dropped them off, the teacher told her about what happened. She said I seemed angry with her and SD5. I was not angry with SD5 at all. The teacher, yes, I was angry at her. I feel as a society we coddle and enable too much nowadays. She is 5 and can zip her own jackets, coats, sweaters, what have you. She has been doing so for 2 years now. We are working on tying her shoes now too. I feel I cannot argue the case though, because I am stepdad, and not dad. Had it been my own BD, I would have fought. I feel as a parent, if I am teaching my child something, the school should back me up. I am also an educator and have worked in early childhood education. At age 5, she needs to start becoming more independent and doing things for herself. How do you all feel about that? Am I wrong?
I agree with you and it
I agree with you and it AMAZES me some of the things my kids/skids peers do not do for themselves. My parenting style is along the lines of a "coaching style" I like to teach and encourage and stand back and watch them do it 100 times until they figure it out vs. just doing it for them to get out the door.
In your case, you are not wrong and it wouldn't be wrong to fight it, but is this really a hill to die on? If it were me, I would probably just let the teacher zip it that one time, roll my eyes, and make sure at home or on my time your SD was doing it herself, eventually she probably will ask the teacher to stop and assert her own independence.
One of the big things when
One of the big things when kids hit kindergarten here is children have to tie/zip. Parents actually get a letter on registration day reminding you that teachers have many students and teacher can't spend her day tying shoes and zipping coats (recess time would be long over if teacher had to help each kid before they marched out the door). Letter advises parents to purchase shoes kid can do themselves and to practice tying if a tie shoe. Same with coats. They ask parents to practice with child at home before coat season actually arrives. They inform that teachers will assist for the first 4weeks only. Our kids have to change classroom shoes into PE shoes and back so between shoes and coats teacher would be doing little teaching if the kids are not being taught some self efficiency at home.
Yeah, you picked your little one up from daycare, but you're not 'wrong' in voicing to teacher your wishes. When you pick up the children the teacher should not be interfering in your parental teaching of childhood skills they kids need to learn. I could see concern if the teacher saw you yelling at the kid or there was a zipper problem (zippers are made so cheap these days, stupid things break or get snagged going up) that child likely did need help with and you scolded and refused like an intolerant jerk...but that's not what happened.
As the daycare was concerned your wife can politely explain to the lady that you 2 are trying to teach some self help skills to your children and that Mom is appreciative of the lady trying to 'help' but Mom would rather the child continue practicing the skill on her own.
I don’t think you were wrong
I don’t think you were wrong at all. It upsets me so much to see all of these helpless entitled little children running around. As a matter of fact, I would probably have a one on one discussion with the teacher about how little you appreciated her 1) going against your wishes in regards to your children and 2) undermining you in front of the children. That is not her place and she was way out of line.
Thank you for the replies. I
Thank you for the replies. I feel better now knowing that so many of you agree.
I have to disagree with you
I have to disagree with you guys. The teacher was just making a loving gesture of fixing the girls coat. Daddyrob, as I say to my DH, "don't sweat the small stuff". This is hardly a hill to die on. You could've said when you got in the car, "SD, that was nice how your teacher helped you with your coat, next time show her how you can do it yourself" or something like that if it really was giving you that much of a red rump. And if the teacher took the time, THE NEXT DAY, to talk to your wife about it, maybe your behavior wasn't as stellar as you think it was.
I never said my behavior was
I never said my behavior was "stellar". I know I was upset and angry. That's why I asked if I was wrong to be upset.
I think you may have made it
I think you may have made it a bigger deal than necessary.
Love includes preparation and
Love includes preparation and teaching independence. If she has been doing this for 2 years, let her do it. I'm rigid because I want a child to be independent and care for herself?
You cannot compare common
You cannot compare common courtesy or a young man trying to court a female to teaching independence. Of course she will appreciate those things, as will I, but that is not the issue here. The issue is encouraging a young child to do things for themself as opposed to having everything done for them. I know someone whose grandmother wiped their ass after taking a shit until they were 12 years old. Should they have appreciated that kind gesture? Or was that denying a child a chance to achieve some independence?
I'm not a rigid prick. Read
I'm not a rigid prick. Read above others tend to agree with me. I didn't decide to "die on the hill" either. I said I didn't push the issue because it is my SD, not my BD. And as an educator, if a parent wants me to treat their child a certain way, I accommodate them.
Wow this thread really blew
Wow this thread really blew up since I was away! Please don't be that rigid stepdad at the school all the teachers/other parents inwardly groan at when they show up. It was a simple affectionate gesture by the teacher. LET IT GO. "The fact that she is your SD, and not your BD, makes it even worse". SA is right on the money there. We're telling you with 55 years of combined stepparenting under our belts, how you were acting/being perceived. We're not trying to piss you off, really. Just try to see our point of view.
Amen sister! Preach it!
Amen sister! Preach it!
Teachers have a job. Their
Teachers have a job. Their job is to teach not parent. For sure a parent should have the teacher's back and just as importatly the teacher should have the parent's back.
When SS went to Kindergarten the school sent home a poem to the parents with the Skid. It was about how the parents time with the kid is through and now the teachers will raise the kids....
DW went ballistic and took the poem to the school and ripped the principal a new asshole.
Schools overstep their bounds IMHO and no, you were not wrong. Your SKid's pre-school teacher is the one who is wrong. Teachers do not get paid to give their opinion. They get paid to teach. When they are at work, they don't get an opinion.
IMHO of course.
Well Rags that's a totally
Well Rags that's a totally different story, I would've gone ballistic too. Go to the original post. THE TEACHER BUNDLED UP HER COAT. Do you watch ESPN? C'mon, man!
What? I taught kindergarten
What? I taught kindergarten and no way did I have time to "spoil" them. Did I tie shoelaces occasionally? Yes. Like with the ones who didn't have parents who liked to teach them.
but usually I'd tell them to find a friend who knows how to tie and have them do it! Did I fixed jammed zippers? Yes. But that is odd. Kids get satisfaction out of taking care of themselves.
My kids are 14,21, and 24.
My kids are 14,21, and 24. The 2 older ones had the same KG teacher, the little one had a different one. These schools were in PA and FL. The teachers both were very loving and gentle. My 14yo' KG teacher shared her birthday, she made them matching hats and made DD14 a photo album of the party that she keeps to this day. A nice one, homemade. (I made the food for the party.)IMHO, that's how kindergarten should be. Sorry.
Ok lets all step back. Number
Ok lets all step back.
Number 1. Helping a child with a coat isn't spoiling, especially if i read correctly that it was stuck or something. But either way its not a big deal your sd will never become a spoiled brat because a teacher likes to help with jackets, that's irrational. Teacher's do the most damage when they refuse to fail students and coddle them with extra credit or add more time to a project so the lazy kid can get a grade. A kind gesture with the jacket will do more good than harm.
Number 2. It would bother me however that the teacher continued to do what she wanted after the parent(sorry i could care less if its a step parent)asked that she didn't zip the coat for her. The teacher could have waited and seen if the child could do it then help if necessary afterwards.
Number 3. From the way you posted it sounds like you got rather rude with the teacher, while i understand your frustration, i would point out doing that in front of your sd will probably do more damage than the zipper incident.
Number 4. Your a stepdad no one will treat you seriously. I deal with it every day, just get used to it and learn to not let it get to you.
Lastily I think your intentions are well founded and good, however maybe be a little less rigid especially out in public.