I guess if his own parents don't care, you shouldn't either.

But really, if they can't teach their son how to use eating utensils properly, what else are they not teaching him?

If it's really bad, I would probably say something (and try to be nice about it).

My skids eat the "european way" as do his parents. I used to think it was bad manners and incorrect until I paid more attention to british shows on TV. Could this be the way they are using their utensils? If it's harming no one, I'd let this one go. However, I agree with heriam in that other manners may be lacking as well, and that does not have to be tolerated. What can you do by leading by example?

Many years ago I attended a wedding dinner where my husband's nephews were also in attendance. Oldest nephew was 13. He got sat at a table with Dh, I , SS and a few others (his parents were sat at a different table). This young teen couldn't cut his meat to save his soul. He didn't even know how to hold the knife and fork to even begin. Husband was next to nephew and just quietly reached over and cut kid's meat after Dh realized there was a problem.

Of course everybody at table was polite enough to pretend not to notice or say anything. Dh told me later that it didn't surprise him. That Dh's sister with her family of six (four kids plus her and BIL) ate things like hamburger helpers and hot dogs all the time. The kid didn't know how to cut meat because kid had never been given a piece of meat that actually needed cut. Sad.

Anyway...I suppose for me in your case it would depend as to why this 13yr old isn't using his utensils properly and not cutting his meat. If he's never been taught, that's on his parents. If he's being a lazy defiant turd, it's still on his parents for not insisting he use table manners. For me, unless the kid's sitting there chewing like a cow with cud, slurping and got sauce running down their chin I can pretty much overlook little things like a spoon held wrong. Somebody holding a spoon wrong isn't enough to ruin my dinner. In fact an adult sitting there nagging and squawking at a kid over tiny infractions throughout the dinner would annoy me more than a wrongly used spoon. I think there are more appropriate private times to teach kids silverware etiquette than during a family dinner or dinner out ruining a meal for everyone else present (unless as stated above kid is making a total spectacle of self).

Oh No..I am bothered by improper table manners. I taught my daughter at a very young age the proper way a lady holds her fork and knife, and all the dinner table/restaurant manners. I would ask your your husband if he minds if you ask to show the kids the proper way to hold and cut with your utensils. Tell them that "hey look, isn't this an easier way to cut your steak? Try it.. Something like that..

I absolutely insist on table manners. SD was 9 and never used a knife or fork. She just picked up her steak or chop and bit into it, then proceeded to chew with her mouth open. The worst was when she'd stuff as much in as she could, but couldn't chew so she'd haul back out to her plate to make room. She did that in a restaurant once, I left. Four years later you can tell our house is the only place she uses them because she's still awkward with them.

The only polite way I could think of was 'when your out on a date, hanging with friends, in public, do you want to look like a sloppy ignorant dub'? Apply potential peer pressure for good!

Worked

Etiquette was huge for me when growing up...

I'm in my 40's and my mom has still thrown me the hairy eyeball for an inadvertent elbow on the table... LOL

It's inherent in our family- not so much DH's. They (the adults) have ok table manners, but very lax with the kids- (nieces and nephews on DH side) Fingers to pick up meat is ok, wiping mouth on the back of the the hand is ok... yechhhh. The 9yr old still waits to have his meat cut, the 12yr old uses her fingers and the 6yr old actually waits to be fed. Then the second they are done, they take off. "oh, well- kids will be kids..." is what my inlaws say.

Once I came along, skid14 has to sit properly- no legs swinging off the arms of the chairs, and she puts a napkin in her lap and she uses a damn knife. I know her BM doesn't make her since she still wraps her hand around the knife like a fist...

Yes, you should "let it go," however, I would absolutely hold on to the fact that wtf? they can't even eat properly? My SD is the same and neither of her idiot genetic slingers do jack shit about her issues.

Yes it would bother me and I would not tolerate it at my table or at any table I am at for that matter. If it were me I would tell them to to eat at the table they have to use proper table manner including proper use of cutlery and if they don't they can leave the table without eating.

My parents raised us with proper table manners including the knowledge of what each piece of cutlery is for and how to use it. Not just the basic fork/knife/spoon but a full formal dinner place setting. We have raised our son the same way.

The first time the whole family was at my parents house for a family holiday dinner in a very long time I was shocked at how my niece and nephews (my young brother's 3 kids) behaved like animals at the dinner table. It did not take long for my dad to inform them that they could sit up straight, put their napkin in their lap and eat like young men and young ladies or they could leave the table and not eat at all. My SIL freaked but my dad held his ground. My brother backed my dad.

Now many years later the kids all have impeccable table manners. I think in large part due to a 4 year expat assignment where my niece and nephews were exposed to diverse cultures and spent a lot of time dining in very formal settings.

Humiliation is a great motivator to correct problems with social etiquette.

are they doing it to get DH attention? I remember my SD would do that in restaurants, she stopped doing it when I would be the one to cut her meat instead of her dad. she was maybe 10 at the time...mine DD was 9..and she knew how to do it..so yes it would irritate me as well.

Yes it is indeed a problem, but its important to teach them things as it is our duty.
Antique silver cutlery nathanhorowicz.com

I was at a Christmas party once and we were seated at a table with a guy who held his fork in his fist. I'm not sure I can explain but he had a death grip on it, imagine making a fist around a fork, like a two year old.
He then proceeded to shovel the food into his mouth, absolutely shovel it in.
Everyone at the table was shocked and stared at him for a moment, then realized we were staring and stopped. His wife was mortified and said we don't eat out very often. He shrugged and continued to shovel it in. He held his meat on his fork and took bites off it. I've never ever seen an adult eat like that.

Later in the evening the shop manager, who was also at the table said he was considering giving this guy a promotion but no way he'd get it now. Part of the promotion would be taking customers to lunch and he would be an embarrassment.

My skids are ok with utensils, but they smack their food..something that drives me nuts!!

One day I asked my hubby who in the heck smacks their food in the family for the skids to follow suit?

His ex does...because she has to taste everything on the front of her tongue first..and if she doesn't like the taste..she won't eat the rest.

Thank God my SD got over the habit of taking apart her food, as that's what BM does. She has to look at every single part of her food before she eats it such as taking the breading off fish, shrimp, chicken, etc. and if she finds a vein or something, she makes a big production about how gross it is.

More than anything, it's gross that she has to examine her food with a microscope before she'll eat it. Yuck!!

Oh hell no! In my parent's home kids (particularly teens) were taught proper table etiquette and were required to use it. If you did not, your plate was dumped in the garbage and you waited for the next meal to eat.

My dad has no tolerance for that crap. My brother's kids had egregious table manners. My parents ignored it for as long as they could but when my brother’s 3 started eating with their hands (not finger food), putting their legs on the table during meal time, etc… my dad finally stood up during one dinner, told my brother’s kids to grab their plates and go put them on the floor next to the dog bowl and eat there since they were eating like animals.

It was classic. To this day my brother’s three check themselves during meals at my parent’s house after dad finally had had enough. My SIL was mortified and my brother was embarrassed but rather than take exception to our dad’s direct action my brother shut his wife down with “I told you that their manners were unacceptable.”

What amazed me is that my brother was raised to the same standards as I was and his tolerance of his kids disgusting table manners always boggled my mind.

We never tolerated anything but proper table etiquette from our kid. He has periodic formal meals with his unit in the USAF and has received compliments on his understanding and use of table etiquette. He knows what utensil is used for what purpose, what stem ware is used for which type of beverage, keep your elbows off of the table, etc, etc, etc……

Nothing that every child shouldn’t be required to learn and use.

My two stepdaughters (9 and 12) still eat with their fingers....peas, salad, potatoes, pasta... you name it. 

Have to tell them about 10 times each meal to use cutlery. 

I think it's awful. 

My skids 16 and 11 eat with their hands, barely use a fork....can’t cut up their own meat. Lay across their plate with dirty fingers and face with a dirty napkin on the table and to top it off they drink their drink with food still in their mouth. I can’t watch 

Yep. My formerSO's son (13) was disgusting to eat with. Couldn't cut his food and ate with his fingers. Sucking them off after each bite, food all over his face.

I literally gagged it was so gross. Of course I was over reacting... dang it was nasty. Soooo don't miss that crap.

SD10 will eat at the kitchen table with feet in the chair, laptop open, talking with her mouth full and using her hands, spilling food everywhere....

I excuse myself and eat at the counter/bar area instead. Not going to ruin my meal because SD eats like a feral. 

Failed parenting. Period. Dot.

I deal with the same thing 8 year old boy and 15 year old boy,, its a CONSTANT battle. they eat like pigs and have no table manners. at our place we have 3 meals a day at the table at there mums house they eat alone on the couch , there is nobody around to show them different. When they come over its hard as we try and HE tries to show his kids proper manners. I mean its using a knife and fork correctly come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its super annoying and i feel for you.