Secrets....remember secrets can't stay secret forever!

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BM has always keep secrets, stupid secrets. In example, she has moved 4 times in the last 3 years. DH would ask where are you moving to? BM's response was "none of your business" Well, considering we are on a 50/50 custody and she is required in their divorce to live within 10 miles of
SD's school, I believe my DH had the right to ask. She eventually gets around to notifying DH by certified mail after every move.

Her newest secret....she is getting married and everything about the fiance is a secret. When DH asked about the secret fiance, BM states it is none of DH's business and that if DH "wasn't so crazy" (that is the pot calling the kettle black lol) she would introduce DH to the secret fiance. DH wants to know something about secret fiance, he is a man who is going to be living with his daughter who is nine. DH and I could care less that she is getting married, we would just like to know the man who is going to be living with SD. I feel that secret fiance would want to meet the father of his soon to be step daughter, it is the right thing to do, right?

BM came to pick up SD's soccer bag, I congratulated her on her engagement, and told her we were happy for her and that we were excited to meet him and she states that she does know how that will go (meaning the introduction). Then this conversation took place:

Me: It will go well, if you will just let it happen. DH just wants to meet the man that will be living with his daughter.

BM: You just need to tell him "nothing is going to happen to his precious daughter"

Me: Well, if you just let DH and secret fiance meet that would take away alot of the anxiety.

BM: I don't know about that after what SD has told me. She said her Dad told her if secret fiance ever touches her to call him immediately. Secret fiance would never do anything like to her.

Me: Let me clarify what was told to SD, her and I have been discussing that she will need to start being more modest at mom's since it will no longer just be two girls. I also told SD that she would need close and locked the bathroom door since there is only one bathroom to keep accidents from happening like secret fiance walking in. SD is starting to mature and go through puberty and DH and I are trying to teach her to be more modest and don't run through the house naked in front of dad, close the bathroom door so dad doesnt see you naked. Yes, I did tell SD if anyone evers touchs her inappropriately she is to tells us immediately.

BM: Whatever, all SD is worried about is how spoiled she will be by secret fiance.

This was two weeks ago and the secret fiance is still a secret!

Stay tuned for more on this secret shenanigan....

Ok, let me give a little background. In three years, BM has had 4 relationships, including this one. Out of those 4 relationships, she has told SD that they would moving in with 2 of them, broke up with 1after he got out of the car and introduced himself to DH because he was with her when she picked up SD,

In three years

MarieJeanne..yes, it does

MarieJeanne..yes, it does jerk my chain, only because DH and I are open books, we don't keep any secrets from BM or SD.

Now, that being said I don't think she is doing it to jerk our chains, she has always been secretive. I think she has played the victim in the divorce to secret fiance, told him all kinds of lies about DH, and has made DH out to be a real asshole to secret fiance and she is afraid that all of those lies might blow up in her face when DH doesn't act "crazy" when they meet.

Ok..maybe it is just me..but

Ok..maybe it is just me..but I can see why BM keeps secrets from you and your DH.

Edit to add the rest of post...lol

Yall seem to know WAY too much about BM's life Especially since she trys to keep so much a secret.

You also seem to be in BM's face about too many things. If my kids SM had come at me with the convo you did with BM....I would have told you to f off right quick.

I also am on the fence about the conversation you and DH had with her about her soon to be stepdad walking in on her in the bathroom. WOW. Seems a little PAS ish.

Maybe, I should have stated

Maybe, I should have stated that we found out about this engagement because SD announced to me, she had some "bad, bad, news." When asked what (I assumed it was a bad grade at school), she said my mom is getting married in December at the courthouse. I explained to SD, it was not bad news and she needed to be happy for her mom. SD thought for a moment then said yeah, I guess so, mom told me that I would probably gets lots of stuff from him because he doesn't have kids.

The conversation about the bathroom came up with SD because we are trying to teach modesty, she has small breasts now and her dad is not comfortable seeing her naked anymore. Her bathroom is visible from the living room, so we are trying to teach her to the close the door when dad is home. SD mentioned to me during that same conversation, that she would have to share a bathroom with secret fiance because there is only one bathroom at BM's house. So, yes we talked about her closing the door and locking it at her moms. No where close to PASing, just trying to teach a 9 nine year old girl that she is turning into a big girl and being naked in front of dad, grandpa, or a stepdad is not acceptable.

We honestly do not know diddley squat about BM's life, we only know where she lives because we have to pick up SD there, drop off soccer bags, and school stuff there. We know where she works because my FIL got her a job at the company he was CEO at when she was married to DH, and we honestly do not give a shit about what she does EXCEPT when it effects SD. A man marrying her mom effects SD. We could care less if he was purple with a third eye ball. All we want to know is that he has SD's best interest at heart because most of the time BM does not.

Maybe I should give you a little more info on BM:

*She refuses to pay her half of anything
*She refuses to pay for school lunches on her time, she states she only has to feed SD when she is at her apartment. (DH keeps money on SD's lunch account so she can eat school lunches when she wants)
*Tells SD she can't afford school lunches, but is always showing up with new tattoos in visible places.
*School holds SD's report card, because she has unpaid balances with the after school program and then denies she has a balance.
*Attends school activities and soccer and speaks badly to us to other parents and teachers with us there and we never talk badly about her to anyone, but our family or attorney. (And now on this blog)

As far as PASing, no not me, I will openly admit that I take up for her a hell of a lot more than I should with everyone including SD and DH!

Oh and I will edit my post, did not realize it posted like that..

Thanks for the input!