My Dh and I have had huge money issues and skids around 24/7 issues, etc. A couple has to find and carve out time for themselves all the time with kids around, whether they are bio or step or both in the household and especially when they live with you full time. I got very much frustrated when we had ss16 full time, before I got full custody of my own two, and he was always there laying around on the couch, taking part in the conversations, never going over to BM's and I was the only one with the job and bm for awhile didn't pay cs. I nearly exploded with resentment. I nearly left on a daily basis. Just now 4 years later, we receive cs for all the kids under 18, I work full time still and DH after fighting cancer is now working part time again. It's eased financially for us but that one ss who is now almost 17 is still here full time 24/7 and I still at times wish he'd move in with BM for awhile or at least have eowe with her. But he is almost graduated and will move one day soon. Being a step parent is hard, throw in money issues, no free or together time and it gets almost unbearable. You two are going to HAVE to make your relationship a priority or your partner will one day be looking at your tail lights driving down the road. There is only so much a person can take before the resentment is too much to hold inside.

I'm bothered by your statement that she "Refuses CS" and YOU are paying for 1/2 of everything. WTF is that? That seems WRONG.

1. are you sure she's refusing the CS? Or is she pocketing it -and using you as a sugar momma as well?
2. YOU are not selfish for wanting couple time. Even with intact families it can feel like everything revolves around the kids' schedules, but GOOD relationships make time for their partners. Your GF is USING you. For money and it sounds like taxi for her kids as well.

I recommend you do 2 things. Immediately!
1. Change the finances. re-do the budget so you are no longer supporting her children financially. Buy you're own groceries. Rent, utilities etc - maybe isn't a 1/4, but you sure as hell shouldn't be paying 1/2. Find what feels right to you. (For example - rent - 1 bedroom vs a 3 bedroom apt - if you were without her and her kids you'd still have to pay for something - but the increased cost of the extra bedrooms should NOT be on you!)

2. DISENGAGE. No more running around with the kids. Find a hobby, a group, go out with other friends, pick up knitting, book club, or workout more. Anything to get you away from the house so your GF doesn't just assume you have nothing better to do but wait around for her. Disengaging will put the parenting back on your GF (where it belongs) and being busy will make YOU happier.

Stop being her doormat. She said you're being needy - that is how she sees you. Stand up for yourself and be your own woman.

I think you're being taken advantage of

Just for a bit of perspective; my SO moved in with me and my 2 boys few months ago, he pays a third of rent and utilities, and half groceries (only b/c his personal and work food is expensive), without a doubt, it would have been RUDE of me to expect him to pay half of everything! I don't have a car at the moment, he does, he helps out getting kids about if it's raining or he doesn't need the car, otherwise, it is MY responsibility to get them to school and sport things, I would never EXPECT him to HAVE to drive them to school before work etc. I never feel resentment towards him when I have to walk or bus kids somewhere, I never feel resentment towards him when he has lots of left over money each week and I don't, I'M the one with the kids living here full time, NOT him! I't would be selfish of ME to expect so much more of him.

As a 'step parent' you do not have financial or physical OBLIGATIONS or RESPONSIBILITIES towards your partners children, ANY involvement YOU WISH to have with them should be YOUR CHOICE! Your partner was a parent to these children long before you came onto the scene, she is more than capable of problem solving HER issues with her kids (which includes coming up with more money to cover her children's expenses).

YOU ARE NOT SELFISH! You are selfless!.. I'm not surprised that you are feeling depressed and maybe even neglected, you give SOOO much of yourself into this r/s and you are not getting anything back!! The way your partner treats you is not ok, it's not ok for her to tell you that you are selfish and needy after you run her kids around!!

YOU have the power to change this! At the moment, she takes advantage of you because you let her, you can change that! stepmonster_2011 has some really good advice, disengaging is a life saver in 'Step hell'

**DUP**

You are most definitely being taken advantage of and in no way do I find you selfish.

As for the bills my SO works offshroe so I am home 100% where he is only home 50% and SS is only here about 33% of the time however I only pay about 25% of the bills as one he makes a decent amount more than I do but also when they are home the AC is down lower, more water is used etc. As for groceries we don't really split it I eat what is left and what I buy when he is gone -- and when he is home it really depends on what we need and who is closer to store when we need food so like time before last I felt like I paid more for food but this last time I know for a fact he went to the store more than myself however he buys all things needed for lunches for SS or any extra that SS wants above what I would normally get. It is important for the spouse to realize this is not your child and not your responsibility you need to take into account that yes with or without her you would have living cost so you need to pay something but in no way shape or form do you need to pay half when you did not help produce or ask for the children you simply fell in love with the mother.

As for being needy - it is healthy to make sure you get alone time. DH and I have had limited time so I simply set up a date for when we don't have SS so he has a reason to refute BM asking us to take him...it is healthy. However it is also healthy for you to spend time with and get out with your other friends - honestly I know you want time with your spouse but I would keep the plans with your friend if she lives several hours away take this opportunity - maybe your spouse will see that you have to make things about you as well. I hate that you are in this - is there no way that someone can watch the kids even like one night every couple weeks? I would talk to her that you feel overwhelmed and don't want to lose focus of why you are there and y'alls connection because without that I promise you resentment will build bigger than anything.

I do agree with above that you might want to disengage - these are not your kids so you are not obligated to do anything above what you want to do. Is there anyway you can get into a local group or activity a night a week or something to get you out of the house and make time about you because this will not only help you start to disengage and get out of the way of the kids so the obligation isn't there but focusing on you will also help with the depression.

I truly wish you the best and hate to see people in this situation.

Are you sure you are her GF? You might actually be the nanny and just be confused.

Lets see... she works on your Bday and even takes extra shifts, but takes off personal leave to cart a kid to a relatives Bday party?

WHY ON EARTH are you hesitating to go see your friend? You partner just said by her actions that time with you isn't a priority (except when you are watching her kids while she works, paying her bills, and cleaning her house, etc). So, there you have it- go spend time with your good friend.

I bet you go see your buddy and find out that after a few hours or a day or so you suddenly feel so much better. It's because you are with people who value you for being you, not for what you do for them.

I hate to say it, but you are either in a relationship with:
#1- a woman who is just all about the kids and if you aren't too then she could care less
#2- someone who is using you for an easy ride.

I have to agree with the above comments. She is taking advantage of you but YOU CAN CHANGE this. You must shift the power play. Because you love her like no one before, she is relying on this to get what she wants. Now I am not saying that she is doing this intentionally but subconsciously. You are clearly a giver. In most relationships, one tends to be more a giver and the other, well, you know what. Again, doesn't make her an evil person just perhaps someone who is used to getting her way. I struggle with the same things as you in my relationship. I feel at times like the kids come first. The balance shifts too much in their direction. When this happens, I disengage more and find a way to make myself NOT AS ACCESSIBLE when my SO needs me to do something for his kids. Honestly, at times it gets too much, and I do feel like the nanny rather than a beloved partner. I totally get where you are at. Let me say this again.....DISENGAGE! You want to know how to do that exactly? I will give you some examples from my own life. My SO has this "habit" of getting ready to leave somewhere, tells his daughter to take a bath, and then asks me to assist her. He treats her like a 4 year old even though she is approaching 12. So what I do is I just echo what he said..."Your Dad wants you to take a bath/shower". Then I let her do it herself. He comes home to find her with wet, drippy hair (not my problem) and finds maybe the next day that she is not as "fresh" as she should be, i.e. did not bathe correctly ( not my problem) and he comes to see that he cannot count on me to make sure his kid gets clean. Never mind, he shows her a million times how to bathe, dry her hair, etc. I have even shown her. She won't listen or follow through (not my problem). I want you to repeat this mantra ,,," NOT MY KID, NOT MY PROBLEM". Repeat it when ever you feel overwhelmed or frustrated. Now this does not mean that you have to be unaffectionate with the children or cruel or anything. You are just creating boundries, mostly with your GF who has come to see you as a very convenient built in babysitter, nanny, pay check, etc. You have no financial obligation whatsoever. If you marry her ( not sure what state you are in), you will so WATCH OUT. If you don't set boundries now you will lose yourself and it seems like the crying and depression is what is happening here. You will feel better, I guarantee it, once you set boundries. You deserve them. Just because you love her does not mean that you get to be treated like a door mat. If after setting boundries and sticking up for your rights this woman does not love you enough to be considerate of you, then you must get out. RUN VERY FAST if this happens. Love should never enslave us. It should enrich our lives.
Good luck to you and stand up for yourself NOW.

The main idea is to get your GF to act like a parent. She is trying to shift that onto you. Why? It gives her a break. It is hard to be a full time parent. You are picking up the slack. Not a bad thing in theory. The problem is that it is too much on you. When you set limits and disengage, like the other posters have said, this forces her to be a parent. It also forces her to be an adult and see adult issues like spending quality time with a partner. IT will also make your GF have more respect for you in the long run. Even if she gets mad at your temporarily, if she truly loves you, she will come around. Otherwise, you have gotten yourself into a relationship with a spoiled brat. Do you give in to her often? Stand your ground. Standing up for yourself is SEXY by the way. Take control. Don't be a doormat.