I'm only telling her once more!
SD14, after being told on many and many occasion that she is ONLY to buy standard lunch, has been buying extras every single day! I just sent her a text warning her that she is short, and I will not be putting money in her account until next payday, and that I only fill her account based on standard lunch. We will see if she backs off of the extra charges for a while. I'm also planning on letting DH know that she is short a day of lunch now because of her purchases, and I guess she will have to take her lunch one day, because I'm not putting any more money in that account until the 1st!
I am so sick and tired of her totally ignoring the rules. Sorry, Ms. Thing...we have a budget in this house, and you can't just go spend whatever you want.
I know...with the problems we have had with food and her, I should be happy that she might actually be eating something...but there is the problem, she is not buying anything with any kind of real nutritional value...pizza and a cookie (the pizza cost the same as the standard lunch, and cookies are costing her an extra buck a day). Then, she comes home and only wants a sandwich...refuses to eat what we are eating unless DH grabs fast food (like he did last night without asking me, when there was plenty to eat in the house). Even that, she still disappears to the bathroom in the first 5 minutes after eating. And she wants to dance? HA! Not treating her body the way she does! Her hair is thinning, her skin tone has turned a sickly color...yet DH does nothing about her eating habits!
SS14 was notorious for
SS14 was notorious for spending on the extras too. Now we put a certain amount of money in his account for lunch. When it's gone, he can bring PB&J from home. Done.
That's where I'm at right
That's where I'm at right now. If the account is empty, she can take a sandwich from home. Problem is, she will whine to DH when the account is empty, and he will put money in the account behind my back. That doesn't teach her anything about life other than, "Oh, when the money runs out, I'll just call daddy!" Doesn't teach her to budget, doesn't teach her anything about real life. What, is DH going to give her money behind my back when she is out of school and supposed to be on her own? Yes, I definitely get that DH is a major part of the problem...that has already been established. I'm going to have a talk with him this weekend again, and tell him we have to stick by it this time, because she regularly goes against the rules that are laid down. DH told her no more music during showers, because she was taking 45-60 minute showers, and within 2 weeks she was back to listening to music in the shower. I point this out to DH, and his response is, "It is no music as long as she doesn't take long showers." Yet, I noticed the shower times are slipping longer and longer again (waste of money on water and propane...not to mention, if anyone else wants a shower...oh, like me...forget it because there is no more hot water). Another rule was regarding her music...if kids have access to internet, parents no longer have control over the artists they listen to, because they stream Pandora and stuff like that (unlike the days of parents actually having to purchase the music for their kids if it contained explicit lyrics). SD14 was listening to a lot of stuff which glorified drug use (I've actually heard her singing that Miley Cyrus song that is so disgusting), hard core sex, etc. DH put approved music on the memory card for her tablet, and told her that is what she was to listen to...not that stuff that was not age-appropriate. She has been listening to Pandora and such on her tablet again. DH's response? "Ugh! She's killing my bandwidth streaming her music!" Really? That is all you care about? You don't care that she's listening to stuff about drug use (which she has already been caught smoking pot on several occasions), and people going down on each other? You don't care that she is going around singing these lyrics? I won't even listen to my hip-hop and such when she is in the car with me, because I do not think it is appropriate for her age...I'm an adult...I know what is right from wrong. She is an impressionable teen, and doesn't need to listen to this crap about orgies, and strip clubs, etc.
Oh, and another big one for me...DH told SD14 to take Kik off of her tablet, because she was caught talking to older boys on it telling them she was 2 years older than she was. It has been found on her tablet two times since, and DH did nothing more than tell her again to take it off. Now she is Skyping, which to me is even more dangerous because alone in her room, who knows what she is doing over Skype (since you can do video). DH thinks this is safer because of the video...she can see that who she is talking to is really a 16 year old boy and not some 40 year old perv! Really? I wouldn't be surprised if she is sexting, as there have been several times she was all made up for no reason, and when you went to her room to tell her something, she sounded all flustered behind the door and didn't want you to come in yet. This is a regular occurrence...not just after showers or anything like that when you would expect her to be changing clothes.
Now, some may say these things may seem minor...all teens do it. But the bottom line is that rules are rules. If you let them get away with breaking the little rules, they will push their luck with the bigger ones...you know, like no drugs or alcohol! SD14 is already bugging DH to start taking driver's ed after her 15th b-day in 6 months, and wants a car when she is 16. If she can't follow these small rules, how is she to be trusted with a car? My son didn't get his license until he was 17...my daughter didn't get hers until she was 18. Why? Because it took that long before I felt comfortable that they were going to follow the rules of having a car. Neither of the two were even close to being as bad as SD14 has been, and I still didn't trust them at 16 to be alone behind the wheel of a car!
My parents used to give me
My parents used to give me weekly cash... It makes it a little bit easier to see what you are spending.
I am so mad right now! I just
I am so mad right now! I just looked at the lunch account, and found out that DH went behind my back AGAIN, and gave SD14 more money for her lunch account! Oh, and boy did she go on a spending spree yesterday...cookie, chips, slushie, pizza...when all was said and done she spent nearly $8.00 in the school cafeteria! Standard lunch is $2.75, which is what I budget for. My son has always been able to grasp hold of this...my daughter grasped hold of this...how difficult is it to only buy the standard lunch?
I so wish I could get them to limit her purchases, but they will simply not do it in high school. At the same time, DH needs to quit bailing her out! He keeps doing this, she will keep spending whatever she wants on school lunch, and before we know it, it will be costing us $200 for school lunch alone while standard lunch only costs about $60. A budget is a budget and is there for a reason...to not over-spend!
So, get this... Last night,
So, get this...
Last night, we went out to eat with some friends. SD14 only ate half of her food, and was TOLD that she would be expected to eat the rest today when she got home from practice (practice is from 5:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., but SD14 CHOOSES to stay up at the school...supposedly...and DH allows this). SD has been TOLD that she is to eat breakfast every day...there are both breakfast bars and cereal available to her, and I get her up with plenty of time to do so. SD14 still refuses to eat breakfast saying she is not hungry that early in the day (but yet, if we are going out for breakfast on Saturday or Sunday, she is "starving"). She has also been TOLD to get the regular plate lunch which has at least a protein and vegetable on it, but she still opts for a single slice of cheese pizza, which really has neither.
SD14 was TOLD to eat as a condition to her being able to try out for Drill Team. However, she hasn't been holding up that end of the bargain, and again no longer shows an interest in dance (if dance were THAT important to her, she would do what it took). DH is finally acknowledging that her eating habits are something to start being concerned about...that she will often starve herself (especially if she doesn't get what she wants, which is fast food every night), and when she does eat, she IMMEDIATELY disappears to the bathroom (Sunday before last, she abruptly got up from the table when we were eating lunch after she finished her tacos, and disappeared to the bathroom for like 10 minutes, and last night at dinner, she suddenly had to get up and go to the bathroom after she declared that she was full and didn't want any more). He isn't to the point of getting her real help, but he is starting to question these behaviors.
So, just a bit ago, she texts me asking me to bring her food! The school is 10 miles away from our house, and as it is, if DH gets stuck at work, I will have to go pick her up at 8:00 p.m. When she texted, I was still working, and I have all kinds of stuff to do tonight myself (2 loads of laundry, studying for a certification exam, etc.). She expects me to just drop what I'm doing, go spend $10 at Sonic (for crap food) and take it to her, because she is supposedly hungry because she didn't eat breakfast, and as usual, had only a slice of pizza for lunch. I called DH, who was on his way to a job site, and told him what was going on, and that I was NOT going to take her food...she can eat her left overs when she gets home from practice! I reminded him that she was TOLD she was going to eat her left overs...that we don't have the money for her to be throwing away food and expect us to buy her fast food every night she has practice. Basically, I told him he better not go get her food and take it to her...it is her fault she is supposedly hungry right now!
I'm really getting tired of her thinking that I'm there to serve her...to just run when she calls! She is going to learn, I don't do that!
She hasn't been to the
She hasn't been to the dentist in at least a couple of years. DH keeps saying that she needs to go, but he doesn't do anything about it...doesn't call to make the appointment or take the time off to do it. He EXPECTS me to make the appointment AND take off work to take her. I told him, "Next time you go for your appointment, you need to make an appt for her for your next visit, and then take her when you go." That is what I do with my son...since they have two hygienists, I have it set up that both my son and I have an appointment at the same time...it has been that way for a long time. Then, I'm not having to take extra time off. But like I said, he expects me to do it.
Oh, and it burns me that she is wasting food and money with her gross habit! If it is something she likes, she will eat big, because in her mind, she won't gain weight from it because she will just purge it. Like if DH decides to get Subway for dinner...she will ALWAYS order a footlong instead of a 6-inch meatball sub...though a 6-inch would be plenty for her. She will force the entire footlong down, and then disappear to the bathroom. Same with pizza...she will force an entire medium down in one sitting by herself, but then disappear to the bathroom. Anything else, she will only eat a palm-sized amount of food and then say she is full! When it's crap food, she always wants large portions, and always disappears to the bathroom once she is done.
This thread is making my
This thread is making my blood boil. Reason #4,896 I'm glad SKs only come over on weekends. I'd probably shoot myself if we had full custody, because I can completely see this happening.
I'm ready to throttle your DH, by the way.
Well, things are getting
Well, things are getting ready to get really tight on SD14! She only thought she was hearing a lot of NO before! As I was trying to do my laundry today, I noticed water coming out of the bottom of the washing machine. I checked the trap, and found shreds of plastic! $650 for a new washer...part of it on the card and part of it coming out of our savings! What fun! But I told DH, this means we need to cut back on spending, which means the princess does not get whatever she wants, and she is just going to have to deal. If her account runs out of money before it is time to put money in it again, oh well!