Afraid of me? Really?
So DH texts me to put money in SD14's lunch account. I did this last week...put in enough to get her through the end of this week, so immediately I was like, "What the heck?" I check her account, and she hasn't been eating in a week! She never even bothered to check her account. I brought up that when I did put money in her account, she was over, as she had bought extras (which we specifically told her not to). DH said that SD14 probably didn't check because she knew she went over. I told him, I did what I said I would do...I told SD14 that I would put enough money in her account on the 1st and 15th of each month (when we get paid) to cover STANDARD LUNCH ONLY until the next pay period...and if she went over, I would not put any more.
DH tried to tell me that SD14 is afraid of me! Afraid of me? Why, because I don't put up with crap and I will tell her when she is in the wrong? Sorry, I'm not going to let some SD14 run over me and tell me what to do, or push me to do things. Afraid of me because I won't jump at her every whim to go buy this or that, that I will actually say no?
I'm getting really tired of SD14 trying to play victim to DH! Because I stand my ground and will not let her run me, she is going to tell him she is afraid of me. Yet, her bi-polar mother will go into fits and rages screaming and cussing, and flailing around and that doesn't scare her. I'm predictable...and if you are the child and try to tell me what to do or show me disrespect, I WILL put you in your place. My kids have never been afraid of me...afraid of the consequences because they knew I didn't play. If I said X would result in Y, that is what happened, and you weren't getting off by buttering me up, either. But because she can't sweet talk her way with me...because I have her number and can see through her games, she is afraid of me?
Sorry, but if you go against the house rules, I'm going to call you on it. I hold to my word...just like her lunch. I didn't put in extra to cover the overage, I put in enough to cover $2.75 for 9 days...what the standard lunch is X the number of school days until we get paid again. I put the exact same amount of money in my son's account. That is what I said I would do. If she didn't bother to check, that isn't my problem. Of course, she obviously wan't very hungry, either, as when she gets home, she ONLY wants a sandwich for dinner and nothing else. Yes, must be a starvation cycle..and suddenly today she thinks she wants to eat (probably because they are having something she likes), so she is going to cry to DH that her lunch account is empty before even checking. Takes all of 2 seconds to ask the lunch lady before going into line, "Can you see what is in my acct?" No, it makes a bigger impact if she can get DH feeling all sorry for her and making it look like I'm not doing what I said I would do.
My husband used to say the
My husband used to say the same thing about my SD and now that she's 22, he says I still intimidate her.
All I can say is, well, good.
BINGO!
BINGO!
LOL She can't be that afraid
LOL She can't be that afraid of you if she's not using her lunch account properly. What a dorky thing for him to say.
Been there sister! Batshit
Been there sister! Batshit whirling dervish whorish BM actually getting arrested in bar brawls, beating mercilessly on the kid that lives with her, and I'M scary because I didn't let CTBB eat with his hands at the dinner table! Bonus- if you met me IRL, I'm the mildest mannered person EVER. I get pissed about 4X a year, if that. I have very LOW blood pressure. But I'm the "scary" one!
If SD can't be trusted to
If SD can't be trusted to purchase the meal in the manner intended (one normal basic lunch, no extras) DH can likely ask the school to restrict SD's account. I'm surprised her school doesn't have it so students can check their own online account. I can kind of see why a 14yr old doesn't ask the lunch staff. No kid wants to put themselves in the spot for friends to see she perhaps doesn't have money for whatever reason. Kids are nosy and cruel at times and love to stick their noses in other students happenings.
Also tell DH that he is just as capable of putting money in his daughter's account as you are. He's also just as capable of checking her account as you were. Heck, if evil step-mommy (rolls eyes) is so big and mean that poor little innocent SD is 'afraid' of SM, then naturally follows that Dad should be handling the lunch issues. What the h*ll is with all these men who let other people parent their children for them and then try and whine the other person is doing it all wrong :?
If SD isn't eating her dinners much at home, it's probably because she's over stuffing herself with the extras at lunch. She could also be hoarding what lunch money she has in account by not eating some days when she doesn't really like what is served so she can buy doubles on days she does like the entrée.
You can restrict it in the
You can restrict it in the lower grades, but not in high school. And SD14 can check her account whenever she wants...my son does all the time. You just walk up, say, "I need to check my account", put your number in, and boom...there is the amount that is in your account.
And I'm really sure SD14 has an eating disorder! She goes through these regular cycles of starving and then days of eating everything she can, but making immediate trips to the bathroom after meals. I've brought it up to DH, but he refuses to do anything about it. SD14 has all the signs of nutrition problems...pale skin (when it used to be naturally darker), thinning hair, always sleepy, always cold (when the thermostat in the house says it is 78 and everyone else says it is burning up in the house, she is under the covers), easily injures, etc. Oh, I'm pretty sure she avoids lunch if they are having something she doesn't like, because it is easier for me to list the things she will eat than the things she won't! I've struggled her entire life trying to get her to eat anything that was good for her. If it isn't pizza or chicken, she isn't eating it!
When she gets called on buying the extras, she claims she bought the stuff for her friends. Really? We have to remind her that her lunch account is for her only...that we don't have the budget to keep all of her friends in cookies and slushies!
it's prolly bc you just don't
it's prolly bc you just don't like her!! lol, jk!! I'm laughing at the responses that the SO's and dh's come up with!!
she thinks you don't like her, she's scared of you!!
I have 3 grown kids.. none of them are scared of me. Is your bs scared of you?? apparently you're not very scary!!
ridiculous!
TIme for DH to start handling
TIme for DH to start handling things. So he gets to be the goody two shoes and you are scary step mum. Don't think so.
They love it don't they. "Oh Daddy, you are my big protector. Boo hoo daddy, no one else understands how special and smart I am except you." SIlly daddy. Let him deal with the lunch money and all the rest and practice saying no. Say, Disney Dad I am not your convenient Evil Step Mum parent substitute.
Oh do these stupid men have
Oh do these stupid men have to take some sort of course?
I cannot believe they ALL independently come out with the same crap!!
I used to fall for it until I came hear and heard SO many other women being accused of the same sort of crap.
"my kids are scared of you"
"you hate my kids"
"they're just kids"
etc etc etc
We have ALL heard them.
What a load of crap.
If PARENTING makes me scary then I'll freaking wear that tag, rather that than be a waste of space parent who is raising waste of space children.
And in ten (ok twenty youngest dd is only 7) we will see whose parenting methods were the most successful shall we?
I just want to say to all the lousy excuses for parents we are married to/cohabitating with - "f*ck you!"
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the replies! I pretty much make DH handle most things. DH and I have been together since SD14 was just under a year old, so nothing is new to her. She know me, and that's the problem. Like has been said, she knows I'll say no, so she will just play dad up because he has a history of going behind my back and going against my ruling.
I know she is just playing DH...I've tried to tell him that, but he always takes her side...so SD14 is the poor little victim.
Personally, I blame DH and BM. Just the other night, DH was telling SD14 that he was talking to BM, and she doesn't want SD14 to feel like she has to come over on the weekends, because she understands that she doesn't get along with the a$$hole (referring to BM's husband...SD14's stepfather). BM called her own husband this, and DH relayed the message with these exact words, and SD14 just laughed. Now, from what I've seen over the years, the dude is pretty much a jerk, but by referring to him in this manner around SD14, they are just reinforcing that you don't have to show the step-parents any respect at all! Who knows how BM refers to me around SD14! I pointed out that it probably wasn't cool to be calling the guy that behind his back, and SD14 was like, "Well, it's true! He's always starting stuff with me when I'm just minding my own business!" Really? Well, if you show him even half the respect you show me, then he has reason to be on your case, especially when you consider that BM has always left him to deal with everything that went on in their house...HE had to go to SD14's school when she got caught with alcohol...HE had to take her to her counseling sessions when she was cutting...HE had to drive her to and pick her up from all of the 20 million activities she just HAD to be in...HE was the one they called at work when SD14 skipped school to smoke pot, and one of the other kids at school saw her postings to Instagram and turned her in! HE has had to deal with all the crap while BM stayed in bed all the time, wouldn't answer the phone, and blamed it all on her illness and/or the meds. Then, he gets to come home and also has to try to raise his son on his own, again because BM will not get out of bed. So yeah, if SD14 gives him any attitude, he is going to go off on her! I can see perfectly where he is coming from...especially since I am certain she acts worse there than she does here!
Poor guy if his wife is
Poor guy if his wife is talking about him behind his back to her ex. Poor you that as a result you get SD14 more weekends. Just ridiculous behaviour from both these bios. You sound level headed but you are turning up at a tough gig there. Good luck.
It is sad, especially since
It is sad, especially since both the step-dad and I have been in her life from a very early age. It isn't like she ever even knew life with her parents together...she was 8 months hold when BM kicked DH out, which she did because she was seeing her current husband behind DH's back (he was willing to forgive her for the sake of his child, but she said she simply didn't want to be married because she thought she was too young). But it seems like both bios have been more concerned over the course of her life about making her like them, or prefer them over the other, that us steps have been the ones to do most of the raising over the last 13 years and change. Of course now that she is a teenager, she is of the mind that me and her step-dad are not her parents, and thus, she is doesn't have to listen to us, especially when she can end up twisting her bios into giving her as she pleases! I understand that teenagers are often tough to deal with...I've already raised two of my own...but BOTH of them knew what my boundaries were, they both knew I meant business, and they both knew that what I laid down as the law was the law...don't try to go to anyone else to get around it. DH adopted both of my kids, so he has really been dad in their lives since they were 9 and 5, but I still made it clear to him that I would not have him going behind my back with them and going against what I say. But because this is now his blood, and I AM just a step in the situation, it seems he only wants me to be a parent when it benefits him...but not when it means his princess doesn't get her way!
It is a total mess...and all that is going to come of it is one totally messed up, dysfunctional adult!