Meeting SD13 and SD10 for first time - Ideas/Advice
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. I'm 26 and he is 48. I will be meeting his 2 kids, SD13 and SD10 (almost 11) for the first time fairly soon. We have been waiting for his long running divorce/separation to be finalized and it should be this week.
The girls know about me and have seen pictures, but we have not met. SD13 is not thrilled with the idea of me, or of DH dating me. SD10 seems pretty go with the flow.
Looking for advice, "family date" ideas, etc. for the first meeting.
About me, for the record: I run the medical malpractice business for 1/3 of the country for a very large insurance broker, so I am not some ditsy younger girl like people assume when they see the May/December romances. I do a lot of volunteer work, hold a degree in actuarial science, and DO NOT take a dime from DH. With all the $$ he's about to pay out in the divorce, I'll probably be his "sugar mama" for a while, haha
"The girls know about me and
"The girls know about me and have seen pictures, but we have not met. SD13 is not thrilled with the idea of me, or of DH dating me."
To be blunt, I can kind of understand why she's not too happy. You're close in age to her, she's a hormonal teen, she's probably confused about this whole situation (because a lot of people believe that people should wait for divorces to be final before starting to see and/or sleep with another person), and she's likely been told a lot of unpleasant things about you by BM.
Don't force yourself on SDs and be friendly. Let them take the lead. SD10 may be more warm to you, while SD13 may keep some distance away from you.
From another May/December
From another May/December relationship, My DH and I have been together for 12 years now and I was 24 and him 41 when we started dating. Now 36 and him 53. I have a 22 year old SD and a 19 year old SD...plus we have an 8 year old and a 3 year old (this one was an oops but happy to have her lol). The older SD did not like me at first and stated even at the age of 10 (when I met her) that she is closer to my age then her father is. I let her be her and let her question no matter how hard it was on me. I knew BM was filling her 10 year old brain about me at that time. She had a tough time with the divorce and no I didn't cause the divorce, we did start dating after they were separated though. I think its good you waiting till things were finalized. I should have done that, however SD7 at the time, loved me so much right away. Its funny, things change with SDs though, the one who previously hated me is so incredibly close to me now. The younger one, her and I are not on speaking terms mutually (shes not speaking to DH either) we disagree with her toxic lifestyle.
What I was trying to say with my situation is that kids change through time. Just always do the nice thing and try to do what you need to do for SD13 but let her be her no matter how much it hurts, one day she will respect you hopefully like mine did. Mine and I just made a milestone together, we ran a 5k and it was a blast. The whole time I was thinking about how she used to not care for me and now she considers me not only a parent but a good friend to her, someone she can talk to and help her get through college. I wish my younger SD19 had stayed sweet because up until she turned 15, we were very close to one another. Spent a lot of time together.
My SDs were awesome sisters to my bios too (their half sisters). The one not speaking to us now has stepped out of their lives for now but SD22 does an amazing job to let them know they are loved by her and they equally love her back like a sister. They don't even call eachother half sisters, they are real sisters.
Ok I rambled but I think it will be ok if you give it time.
Thank you! I should have
Thank you! I should have mentioned SD13 and SD10 are from his previous marriage to BM1. DH and BM1 have an AWESOME relationship and I have a ton of respect for her. They have been divorced about 7 years.
He is going through a divorce with BM2, their step mom, who they are close with.
Sorry, I didn't know that
Sorry, I didn't know that
That's good that they get along. Hopefully they'll both tell the kids that they don't have to love or like you, but they do have to show you the same respect they'd show a teacher or coach.
It does change with skids
It does change with skids over time. When H and I first started to see each other (me not quite 30 and he 40, his eldest daughter 15 and YSD 11) H's eldest was great with me and it was YSD who was standoffish and didn't seem thrilled at all to have me in their lives
Now, all these years later H's eldest daughter - the one that initially seemed to be just great with it all - behaves like a hateful }:) enemy towards me. On the otherhand YSD, who initially wasn't thrilled about me, is great. She tells me of how much she values me in her life and appreciates all I've done.
Just take it one day at a time. Be respectful to them without kissing their asses, and demand the same in return