My two teenage stepkids have refused to come to the house and also to be in my presence for months now. They've told their father he needs to choose-- me or them-- and he's reacted by stopping his child support payments, threatening to take them out of his will, threatening to give the beloved puppy away, cutting off their movie/TV services, and participating in text wars with his sixteen year old daughter. He's written her repeatedly that he's lonely and in pain (from a surgery he just had), and that they abandoned him and don't care about him. He's not said a single loving or emotionally supportive word to her.

The night that caused them to refuse to come over to our house & be around me, my husband brought them into our home with the chair and ottoman he flipped over not picked up, then proceeded to ignore them to argue with me instead. With them in ear shot, he called me names, threatened to punch me in the face, broke up with me in front of them, saying they're all sick of me bringing them down by being sad, told me to get out and never return, screamed curses at me, and became physically violent by shoving me down, then grabbing me by the collar to pick me up and again shove me toward them. My stepdaughter called her mother crying to pick them up, and their mother responded by telling them to stay away from me, that I might hurt them. I have never hit them, threatened them, screamed at them-- nothing. Following this incident, he took them to a theme park the following day and played fun dad, never saying a word about how he treated me, but did encourage them to complain about me (a list that included not closing their bedroom doors, telling them to clean up after themselves, and "never being happy." He also agreed to them that I'm scary. ME, not him!

I should have left and never looked back. Instead, I found us a family and couples therapist and he and I have been regularly attending. The therapist believes he's a narcissist, and after accepting him blaming me for years, it's finally become pretty clear to me that he is a narcissist. He tells our therapist that I've ruined his relationship with his kids, that I make them uncomfortable, and that I'm an abusive wife. When I say how he's threatened to kill me, hit me, and said horrible things to me, he unblinkingly admits this, but claims I drove him to behave this way and that he was only reacting to me, so he's not to blame for his actions. The therapist repeatedly tries to see me alone, and then tells me that my husband is abusive to me.

He has blamed me for everything and shown me no empathy or respect whenever there's an issue or difference of opinion, and now he's taught his kids to believe that I'm awful and deserve abuse. That last night they were here, my stepdaughter said "F*ck You" to me and my stepson said he's never liked me and was only ever around me because his dad married me.

Really, it's coming to the point where there's no other option but to leave. I've tried to tell my husband that I think he needs to work on his temper and communication, and learn to be emotionally supportive. And not just for my benefit-- for his children too! They deserve to feel safe and loved. Yes, they have issues (it's no wonder) and yes they can be disrespectful and mean, but they do not deserve to be in an environment with overturned furniture, witnessing verbal and physical abuse, nor do they deserve his message that if they don't show him care, he'll stop loving them, supporting them, and will punish them by taking away all their services (including phone).

I'm sick of this whole family using me as a scapegoat for all their problems. I'm not perfect, but I'm a good person, I'm sweet and thoughtful, and I have always been nice to my stepchildren.